Am I invisible or do people genuinely not see/hear me?

Post Reply New Topic

I've always wondered about why people never seem to reply if I say hello to them; it happens to me quite often, on a daily basis- even with people I know well. So, I've always wondered whether they haven't heard me speaking to them or if they were being rude and purposely ignoring me. I've even summed up the courage a few times to ask people why it is that people ignore me, but the all they do is blame me for not speaking loud enough, yet I definitely know that's not the case because people around me when it happens also can hear me...or maybe the reason people do that is because they are trying to avoid me and that they find me annoying (not that I care what they actually think of me); I suppose that would explain why half of the time, I am having a conversation with the back of their heads...

ANYWAY, please give me your views, feel free to share some of similar experiences.- I'm sorry if this question is too vague and my input is too abstract to comment on, as I didn't want to ramble too much.

For me, it's hard to pay attention to speaking volume when a room has more than 4 or 5 people in it who are speaking. I tend to either startle people by accident or go unheard. It's just very hard to concentrate in a situation like that.

i get this too; but then i'm being rediculed (though in a friendly way) for deliberately trying to get the attention if i really have something to say: they dont realise i have tried to say the same thing 4 times already before becoming 'rude' with it.

but another thing is that i also seem to be physically invisible.
whenever i am in a situation where people move from one place to another (coffee corner, train station, supermarket...), they always seem to want to walk in a route that involves the place i'm standing, always; if i ask someone i'm with to switch places, the others change their routes to still include me; as if there is an 'empty spot' right where i'm at.
the only thing that keeps me from getting a meltdown from all the touching going on there is my enhanced perception, so i can 'dodge' these trespassers...

I think it's just plain ignorance.

I've seen a sharp increase in rude behaviour from people - the rules about politeness are no longer being followed and people seem to be getting more selfish in their interactions with others, such as being less willing to listen to others or take a moment to stop in order to be courteous with a friendly 'hello' in reply. It seems to me that impoliteness is becoming the norm, and as such when you call them out it means you're in the wrong for expecting something other than the norm from them, also on some level I'm sure they still understand that they have been impolite so dislike the fact you've criticised them.

It's just like once upon a time if you planned to meet someone at X time and they showed-up late then they were at fault and apologised, now if you show-up on time you're looked down upon for being socially inept for seeming too keen, and if you're put-out by their lateness that's somehow your fault not theirs. Or quite often I find you try to say something (I've seen this occur with NT's too, so it's not just us) other people are so caught-up in what they're saying they just don't hear it, you have to repeat yourself over and over to get heard. OR the number of times people walk in front of you, don't hold the door open for you, barge past you getting to a train before you've even had a chance to get off, cut in front of you in supermarket queues...

It's just ignorance and rudeness. You've got to wonder how the hell we're supposed to learn social rules when the NT's keep changing those rules, what we'd consider polite behaviour is now viewed as being unnecessary so we end-up looking like social outcasts.

I actually learned about why this is in a psychology class. Most people have something called gate control theory, so if they aren't talking to use but to someone else, they noly notice the eprson they are talking to. It sounds like a gigantic disadvantage to me...but it works for large groups of people it would seem.

People are douchebags when it comes to this though...I speak at a reasonable volume and it still takes me quite some time to get their attention and by that time I may have had my thoughts completely distracted from what I was going to say, so it just ends up being terribly inefficient for both parties.

Sometimes I have trouble controlling the sound level of my voice. Do you too? How far away are you when you yell out hello? Have you already greeted them earlier in the day? What is the personality type or types this is happening with or is it universal?

Those factors seem to affect whether or not I get a "hello" back. Sometimes people are so distracted by what's on their mind or something else that they dont notice your hello. Apparently I've been so lost in my thoughts that I've frequently missed other people's greetings. And some people just aren't very friendly and will purposely ignore you. If its happening with everyone though than its probably your application and has to do with one of the above mentioned issues.

Happens to me too, especially here at the hospital. I'll pass people and in my attempt to be friendly I'll say hello and they just wander by me as if I am invisible. I try not to take it hard, I really don't care anyway because I don't even know them. I assume that they are tied up in thought or whatever and just didn't hear me. But you guys are right though, people have been getting more rude over the years. It almost seems like it's the "cool" thing to do; it's the whole "it's cool to be an *sshole" thing.

It's the standard hassle for me as well, and I've sort of come to just expect it. When among familiar people it comes on like a deluge of rejection. I feel that people who know me well enough should have figured out by now that I am not one to just talk out of my rear, when I do speak it is something of value to contribute. With family it feels as though the TV is more important than what I have to offer, and usually end up snapping 'oh never mind' when they finally acknowledge me. Some days when they apologize I'll let it slide and finish through with what I was trying to verbalize, and I can shed that weight. I'll have to remember that "I'm in charge" voice thing. With all that, even outside social arenas I feel invisible, when I'm on the roads I have cars turning left/pulling out in front of me, and while I'm ready for them, more and more I'm noticing cyclists and pedestrians in my path (my particular vehicle entitles me to use bike lanes) against the traffic flow. To ward them off I have to do the NASCAR tire scrubbing maneuver, weaving vigorously. Some police don't see the logic in why I feel I don't want to be run down

Personally, I had experienced what KnarlyDUDE09 experienced so many times that grr... Enough said. One day, I asked an NT why some people tend to walk away while I'm still talking to them, then return later to ask, "Hey! Why are you so quiet today? I miss your voice!" Well, to be honest, her explanation creeped me out. According to her, those people walked away initially because they weren't interested in whatever that I was talking about. Later on, they realized that they must have offended me by walking away, so they pretended that they didn't hear anything in the first place. When they said, "I miss your voice!", their hidden meaning is I would like to continue this conversation, but can you please say something that will interest me?

Some people walk around in a day dream. It's quite possible they haven't heard you, even if others haven't. You've probably done it a few times by mistake too; nearly everyone does.

I wouldn't keep asking why they're ignoring you; that just sounds a little bit paranoid and needy (sorry to be blunt). People often have their own reasons for not being talkative that are nothing to do with the people around them.

When you figure it out please tell me, invisibility would be a lovely skill to have.

Why we get invisible ? I think I know.

Most of the message that you transmit to other people is not done with words. As Aspie, we tend to think that the meaning of the words is the only thing that matters. Of course, if you know some social protocol, it can help, because people can recognize it and get involved in some way. But in a more general way, it is not a matter of protocol.

First, I know you don't want to hear about this, but we need to look at the person we are talking to when we begin to talk. If we don't, and start talking in any direction, people are confused, and even if they somehow understand that we are talking to them, their internal program ignores what we say, because there is a paradox. It's not an offense to look in the face.

Second, you need to synchronize by reflecting mouvements. For example, if the other people do some rhythm with his leg, you can do the same rhythm with your arm etc. You do not need to reflect everything, but if you don't, people will not feel that you are here. If you get close enough, you can even have the same posture.

The same thing apply with the rhythm of your voice, and the tone of your voice.

It does not work so well when it's too obvious, for example if you do exactly the same mouvements, or if you use exactly the same voice. People will think that you are playing or making fun of them.

So this mirroring need to be subconscious, so that they feel that you are somehow the same, but that they do not think about it. An exception to this, is that if you notice that you have some interest in common, you can talk about it, or notice it explicitely. But do not emphasize to much on it, so that it can get back to the subconscious.