Fitting in with the crowd

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As someone diagnosed with AS, I find it hard to pick up on the social cues that others might find trivial. Old news. But, because I have AS, I have learned to cover my imperfections (i.e. - introverted personality, learning disabilities, etc...) with other things that I like, such as being knowledgeable in the area of programming, the English (British) language, and Japanese culture. So, instead of being that one kid who doesn't talk to anybody, and who keeps to himself, I have made myself into a different kind of nerd, if you will. I am now that kid who knows how to program, who can speak of the Japanese culture, and who can get funny looks with his British dialect. All my life, I have been told to be myself, yet nobody knows the real me. Can anybody relate to this, the masking of the true person for someone else? Or am I just really, really weird?

I suppose I'll get to my second topic.

Upon entering my sophomore year of high school, I signed up for a series of engineering courses (PLTW). I was absolutely certain that I would get my degree from college in Mechanical Engineering. Then Chemical Engineering. Until I saw the level of math required, and realized that I was unable to do said math. I have changed my major from engineering studies to Social Psychology, which deals with microexpressions, among other things. I don't know why psychology was my plan b, whether I want to explore the various flaws of the human brain, or whether I have always had a knack for it. I often find myself listening to music, and while listening, analyze the lyrics of the song, rather, discover what the artist really meant when they wrote it.

Is it just a happenstance that I like psychology, or is that a common field for people with various mental illnesses?

1. Yes, ToShinTim, I can relate. Although I've mostly tried all my life to 'be myself', I have also felt very inadequate with regard to some of my negative personality traits, and I'm even now trying to compensate by building up my talents and knowledge in my field of interest, and hoping that I can make myself 'useful' with those talents in the near future.

2. I'm not certain that people with mental disorders have a greater affinity for psychology. I only met one other autistic person who was studying psychology. However, I can again relate to your story, as I have recently decided to make a switch of academic ambitions as well- where before I was interested in becoming a biologist, I am now interested in following a cultural course, to study Indonesian culture.

Just dont try to be wierd on purpose and you should be ok

Honestly, it's strange how much you might vacillate between different fields of study. I still don't know what I want to do with this, but after Contracts 1 (which gave me nightmares) and Sales of Goods, maybe I want to do commercial law. Some of my instructors have told me that's where I should be. I'm taking the plunge and taking Transactions over the summer.

Moral of the story: I guess you'll know it when you see it...there were TWO of us in a class of 250 who were actually enthused about Sales, but what the hell? You'll figure it out. Trust your gut.

About the math, your brain develops a lot until the age of 25. Particular subjects that people have trouble with during their teenage years don't last forever. Your memory about your math classes will last but not the trouble with it.

I'm an outgoing NT but I can't shake the feeling of otherness too. I feel it with a crowd of people even when I'm telling jokes and I'm the light of the party. Honestly, I don't know why I feel that but I am certain it's what I feel. If you ever figure this feeling out, please tell me.