MagicMike's situation.

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I like a girl. I thought I got over her but that apparently is not the case.

-We've mainly been hanging out relatively infrequently. Until this week, I hadn't seen her since the summer.
-She has a boyfriend. This is the main reason I haven't spoken to her about liking her.
-However, I'm being told he isn't a boyfriend but is there so people won't hit on her. I don't really know how to figure this out because I'm really bad at finding a sensing motives so I really cannot tell whether they are actually in a relationship or just friends.
-We have a common interest base for the most part. She games, she cosplays.
-She is really pretty but hides her form; she wears really baggy clothing, covers her face with her hair. I think she either is shy or doesn't consider herself good-looking. I don't know which.


So what should I do? Do I try to be honest with her, or do I continue to bottle up my emotional frustration? I don't really know her too well except as a friend yet I'm feeling more depressed from liking her each day.

Tough call... I dont know if shy girls or aspie girls or etc. will react to the words "I like you" but the only 'aspie' girl I've ever said that to stuck around (must girls run away because it goes against the "game" which I dont care to play) even though she DID have a boyfriend. NT girls do not like hearing "I like you" as its a killer...

The part that sucks is losing her to something as stupid as the 'game..' If its becoming hell to keep things bottled up, take her out on a semi-romantic night and tell her.. She may return the feelings, she just may be thinking the exact same way you are.. If she doesnt return the feeling, at least you know and you feel a satisfaction for knowing..

I wish you the best of luck

The girl I liked and possibly still do (I'm trying to stop that as its been a long time and we're far apart from one another) was just like me. I hope she finds a guy just like me as I know what its like. That thought used to bother me but for the guys sake it would probably make him very happy (at least at first, I dont know much about being in an actual relationship - they may suck, I dont know)..

So if you cannot tell someone you like them, how can you be honest? If you cannot be honest, how can you have a firm grip on reality? I've actually had difficulty determining whether she is or isn't AS; she's got plenty of friends but has a nerd-ish personality and is really soft-spoken. Plus a friend of mine commented that she doesn't maintain eye contact.

If she has the "boyfriend" there so people don't hit on her, then she does not want people hitting on her.
Then don't hit on her.

Stinkypuppy states the obvious.

Any advice to help me cope then if you're suggesting I bottle up? I've been pretty much bottling up since I first realized I like her (since March) so I've been depressed for awhile. For the briefest period of time, I completely got over her...then only recently have I gotten depressed over her again.

IMHO, just go and tell her, talk to her, maybe even hit on her...

either of 2 things could happen... she could react positively... in which case good for you, go for it... or she could react negatively.... also great.. because now you have some reasons to dislike her... even good looking and beautiful girls can turn downright fugly right in front of your eyes just by opening their mouths and giving u crap you don't deserve...

i dunno, just my 2 cents

MagicMike,
Just remember that my opinion here is simply that: my opinion, and it's just one person's perspective of things. If you ask others, they may say different things, so it's totally up to you what you do at this point.

Unfortunately there's no surefire easy way to handle situations like this. I think it'll be good if you first understand and accept certain possible outcomes. The toughest part would be to accept the possibility that you will never have a relationship with her. Do you want to continue to be friends with her, at least? If so, then be friends with her. Don't push her to feel one way or the other about you, otherwise it'll only backfire and she's going to hate you.

Try to remember that as her friend, you can watch out for her and in a sense, protect her. Be there for her. If she is a decent friend, she will also watch out for you and try to make you happy too. If she doesn't, then she wouldn't be a very good friend, and therefore probably not too good for a long-term relationship either. It's really difficult to find and keep a very good friend in this world, so treasure your friendship with her. It in itself means much more than most people realize!

dude with all due respect this advice ain't good. first off, being friends with a girl your obsessed with, while at the same time not getting any from other chicks will just drive u insane.... beleive me i'm in this situation right now as we speak. either upgrade your relationship with her or break it off. never downgrade.

It depends on what MagicMike is willing to do and accept. If he is willing to accept that "breaking it off" might mean that she will hate him, then that is a risk that he can take if he wants to do so. As for downgrading, it's not quite a downgrading, because the relationship has never been any more than what it is now.

I wear a wedding band when I leave the house, even though I'm divorced, but there are certain people who are close to me that I would love it if they hit on me.

Mike - all you can do is try and get closer and try to work "I really like you a lot" into the conversation. Shy girls (AS or NT) do like it when they are told face to face that they are liked IF they like you too. If they don't like you too, that's when they run away.

Well, here's a situation update.

-I spoke with a friend of the girl I like (I'll call here Julie for now) through AIM, who I'll call Tifa for now. Tifa says I've liked Julie too much so she'll tell Julie that I like her. Maybe then I'll avoid Julie.
-I then flip, then AIM julie to beat Tifa to the punch. When julie returns to her AIM (she was afk), the conversation is standard friend-fare (e.g. talking about a Smash Bros tournament she hosted and how it went out of hand). Then I told her I like her. A lot.
-This then becomes a rather harrowing conversation, with her asking why I was telling her now when she's had a bf for months, and if I had any motive. I tell her about how I spoke with Tifa, she then says "she's probably looking out for you. Don't be angry with her."
-I tell her I'm not upset with Tifa; I then ask her if she's mad with me. She says "no. just really confused. I feel blind and stupid for not noticing." I tell her not to feel stupid, for I had been pretty much bottling up my emotions for her. She tells me I need to be more clear about liking people.
-Then she talks about how her boyfriend flipped out when an old friend of hers that likes her came to visit. She says she doesn't know whether she would be able to hang out with me without her boyfriend getting weird.

EDIT: I've spoken with her after taking a dinner break, and now it also appears there's someone else stalking her. Someone wants to meet her at the library, so she's afraid to go now as she thinks it's a trap.
I'll update later.

Last edited by MagicMike on 18 Nov 2006, 6:06 am, edited 1 time in total.

Well, you have one thing up on this boyfriend - he is insecure.. If he trusts her then unless she starts sucking others guys dicks he has nothing to worry about (sorry, a TRUELY "cool" person I talked to once put it like that)

[EDIT] I deleted the conversation here as to protect the privacy of the girl I like.

Last edited by MagicMike on 23 Nov 2006, 9:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.

lol. the boyfriend IS insecure. but the girl, if she is pretty and generally well liked, has her own 'stash' of men to pick and choose from also. women with a lot of male friends have the tendency to gain 'interest' from many of them. perhaps she is a tomboy who just gets along with men better, but still, she seems to have a full supply available, with no 'out of stock' sign in sight. after reading your aim conversation, she doesn't seem to be necessarily leading you on, but i don't know how your interactions are irl. it's probably a good thing that you told her. even if she DOES have a boyfriend. at least it's out on the table. i doubt much will come from this confession though. if she felt that way about you, i'm sure she would've told you that awhile ago, or at least reciprocated the emotion presently. the joke about guys trusting a girl until PROVEN ie cocksucking w/e doesn't really mean s**t. people can be not physically intimate with someone for it to be considered a violation of the principles of an exclusive relationship. like if someone is "in a relationship" but keeps close contact with opposite sex friends (perhaps harbouring interest in them) this just seems questionable to me. when you are involved with someone, in a relationship, it's best to keep minimal ties with people (ex's, former interests) to secure the nature of your relationship. nowadays even "secured" relationships seem to rest unsettled. (marriages, long term relationships) the patterns of peoples' behaviors and interests changing, and fluxing.


even if you are fortunate enough to find someone to be with, there is always the threat of the unknown, lurking around every shadow/corner.