Telling family what a disaster

Post Reply New Topic

My job closed last year and I have gone through all sorts of depression.

I only found out about Aspergers in the last month or so.

It was always in the back of my mind that I might have mild Autism but I never told anybody.

Anyway I have told my brother and my mother.

The two of them are telling me it is my imagination and that I am just fed up.

These people are family and they don't seem to be able to grasp what I am saying.

Reading this board and the list of symptoms and situations Aspergers is me all over.

Get thee to a nice Jungian Psychotherapist/Psychodyamic therapist who will do nothing more than form a friendly, trusting bond with you, in sessions that will become a sanctuary for you, hopefully, as they have done for me. Find solace in someone who is on your side and will not pass any judgement or opinion on your thoughts about yourself or your life. Find a place to iron out the wrinkles in the fabric of your mind, and hopefully come to some conclusions between the two of you about Aspergers/whatever else is inside your head

Thanks calm in my mind is what I need.

...and get ready to shell out $150/session! I have no health insurance so that's what it costs me.

Worth it for sanity, though, surely?

I pay £80 a session here in the UK.

Ask them how much they know about autism. If it's apparent they don't know, then get them a book.

Getting a book is a good idea. It's easy to get used to a person's quirks if they are a family member and not to see the whole picture. A book will help with that. It's unlikely that your family will know much about autism/AS - the only people who are qualified to diagnose you (or not) are professionals, not your family.

Maybe give them a little time and space for the time being.

And then maybe present the idea that people on the spectrum can be highly successful just like anyone else, with say Jane Austen and Jim Hensen as two famous people who were probably on the Asperger's-Autism Spectrum. Of course anything with art has a lot of luck factors, a lot of external factors, whether someone is on the spectrum or not. But I do like these examples as pointing out that not all of us are math and science only.

The thing that really surprised about jobs is that at least for me "easy" jobs and "hard" jobs are reversed. Kroger was an awful job where the absentee, disengaged managers allowed bullying and in fact blamed the person being bullied. At H&R Block, I was generally appreciated as someone who knew taxes, was good with customers, and had the right kind of patience with the computer system. (job generally only 5 weeks, I did inform my clients of negatives of bank products, fired one year out of four at Block snd this other place for proactively calling clients not approved for loans). So, that means 3 years out of 4 I wasn't fired even though I was a rebel. I felt my loyalty was to my clients and my direct co-workers, and not so much to the company hierarchy.

AardvarkGoodSwimmer has textbook Authority Dislike Disorder!

Now that's a good thing, right?

Saw doctors my whole life.. always misdiagnosed, then I met my current one.. at age 40 FINALLY within 5 minutes of talking to her, she asked if I had heard of asperger's (I hadn't) she told me she'd see me in 2 weeks (knowing that I would go online and pour over EVERYTHING) when I returned I wager I knew more than 90% of the population. (she knew I would and she was right) I had my total breakdown and recovery followed by acceptance right here on WP lost back among the forum... I recommend getting a doc to help you and to help explaining how it works to your family..


Good Luck and remember, we're always here to help too!

Thanks to all of you and I am glad I found this place.

I think so. That's how I'm able to get through in life.

I'm sorry that your family is being so unsupportive. It seems most of us have dealt with that from plenty of family and so-called "friends," but perhaps this could be used as an opportunity to educate. Maybe the reason they are saying it's your imagination is because they simply do not understand enough about Autism, especially the higher functioning end of the spectrum. As someone suggested before, maybe a book might help. Or a documentary.

Also, did you tell them why you think you have AS? Like specific symptoms of examples? If you didn't then maybe they just don't see how that applies to you, and ultimately to them as well.

If all else fails, and I hate to say this, but try and move on with your life without them. It's tough, but it is possible.

Family is always tricky. It could be that they don't understand what Aspergers is or that by saying you have it somehow changes who you are or it could be that they just don't want to admit or except that you are different. You could seek an official diagnosis and this could change their minds. Help them understand that you are the same person you've always been regardless.

If they have no interest in talking about it I can't think of much else to do but you should continue to learn about yourself on your own. I don't think you need to move on without them but just explore things on your own.

It definitely can be tricky. My mum keeps dismissing it and my dad won't bother learning about it. A professional diagnosis might give them a rude awakening, sharkattack.