New (mom of 7 year old newly diagnosed boy Aspergers) rant!?

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Before I begin, please understand he’s been diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome less then 3 months ago and he’s really really well behaved. We’re still learning about it and how to help him. He has been on Zoloft since his diagnosis and literally started taking Focalin (only 5mg) that morning, about 3 hours prior to this episode. So his doctor is fairly certain it wasn’t the cause.

This is certainly not the first time he's expressed anger or frustration (not banging his head though) by telling me or shaking or holding his head. Nothing ever violent, but you can definitely tell he's quite upset. Unfortunately I'm generally the only one who sees this side of him and my family members tend to look at me like I'm nuts or freak out when this event happened...that would Grandma she's super concerned and apparently annoyed that I would allow him to "obsess" on this sort of topic....like I frigging have a choice what and when he decides to become dedicated to learning everything there is about something. Don't get me wrong I get that this isn't a topic for class, but now I guess I'm suppose to remove an entire portion of our lifestyle and something we as a family enjoy because it makes other people comfortable. Sorry I know I'm wrong, just venting a little. Anyway his nurse called yesterday morning and this is the story. What do you think?

Apparently my little man had a complete breakdown in school. He became so angry after a fellow student told him that ghosts weren’t real. The story behind this event: My son had raised his hand after the teacher asked if they’d like to share anything, and he proceeded to tell the class about the haunted theater at which the annual Zombie Walk begins. A 3 mile walk event my young family thoroughly enjoys every year. It’s around Halloween…thus the Zombie theme! Anywho. He is heavily obsessed with ghosts right now (a subject I don’t think to be inappropriate, but not okay for class) and wanted to share something that excited him with the class. His teacher calm and politely told him that she was afraid of zombies and ghosts so he could change the topic. He was fine with that and the teacher began to read a story to them. Apparently the kid next to him then decided to tell him that ghosts weren’t real and apparently that pissed him off…a lot! He didn’t lash out, but he began convulsing (not like a seizure, just shaking) with “anger” and well it continued along with him taking a walk to calm down (by himself) and banging his on the floor while walking to the water fountain. He walked outside with the principal for a bit to try to calm down and went to talk with the councilor. Things of this nature for about an hour before they finally called me.

Now when I got there he was perfectly calm sitting in the nurse’s office! I spoke with the nurse, the counselor, and his teacher privately. According to them he wanted to leave class because “he couldn’t contain his anger and needed to be away from people, he thought he may do something he knew was wrong”. Okay now first, know my son is really one of kids that never hits or bullies anyone besides his little sister. Sibling rivalry is always going to be there. So now he’s not allowed back in school (with like 9 days left) until he’s seen his neurologist and has a note saying he’s not going to hurt himself or anyone else. Really, he’s 7 and one of the best behaved and tempered children in his class.

So anyway. I brought him home and we had a little chat before calling his neurologist…so I could get his take on the story! He’s saying the kids were laughing at him (the kids were listening to a funny book the teacher was reading), that the lights were bothering his eyes, and the noise from the classroom and the hallway were distracting him, and that having his story be dismissed by the teacher upset him, and then when the other boy made fun of him and said that ghosts weren’t real that made him too angry to control himself anymore. Poor little guy was almost shaking retelling his story. I calmed him done and then called his neurologist. I spoke with her nurse and she says that my son likely was experiencing sensory overload causing him genuine pain which set him off. She said the new medicine was not a likely culprit. We made him an appointment for Monday (the kid will now miss 5 days of school) to see his neurologist.

So he’s on day two of the Focalin and at home. He’s done a bit of schoolwork and read a book. He’s watched a bit of TV and is learning everything possible about Skylanders and ate lunch. He’s now outside devouring watermelon and playing happily outside with his sister. He’s absolutely fine today, no issues at all. He wasn’t happy about doing schoolwork…but he never is. I have no idea. I’m constantly told that he’s not going to grow out of Aspergers, rather he’ll grow into it. I guess it’s just part of the reason I’m fighting to get him into Special Education next year and taking on teaching him to read and his basic skills myself over the summer. It’s very frustrating.

I have to say, I am incredibly, amazingly proud of your son for recognizing that he was about to lose it and knowing he had to remove himself from the situation.

He did the absolute right thing, and I am really frustrated that the school isn't giving him credit for that. No one is in danger as long as they let him do what he just did.

ASD means that sometimes everything will jumble so much in the brain that self-control is lost. So much of what we do on this board is about learning to see the signs so things don't don't advance into full meltdown. You are so far ahead because he knows! Not really a medication issue, IMO.

One thing most of our IEPs have is what I call an escape clause: permission to leave with minimal explanation and instructions on where the child is allowed to go to self-calm. Get that put into your agreement.

And .... Maybe I'll write more later.

It sounds as if your son has had a meltdown. I was exactly the same at that age, even though I was a very well behaved little girl. It might have never happened at home because your son doesn't get so overwhelmed there, or you know how to nip it in the bud. I very rarely had meltdowns at home, but my Mum would often pick me up from school and I would be silent and still shaking, or I would have completely calmed down. This will almost certainly happen again, whatever you do. But perhaps you could have a word with his teacher so she can keep an eye on things and if she thinks he is getting upset she can stop the situation escalating.

If it makes you feel any better, although I had lots of meltdowns as a child I have them far less as an adult, and I've never lashed out or got into trouble because of them.

You are clearly doing everything you can to help your son, perhaps other members of your family could do with reading a book about AS and then they might understand about his special interests - because although the topics will change the strong interests in things will remain.

I'm sorry to hear you son is growing into the issues related to ASDs. I would be thankful that he can maintain self control and reason enough to remove himself from the situation, or else he may have been off school more than 5 days...(especially if he hit the teacher)

I don't really have obsessions, so I can't offer first hand advice with that, but my school lets me wear sunglasses or close curtains, because I am very light sensitive during the sunny weather. If senses become a problem, then there are background nullifying earplugs, sunglasses and a nice, heavy jumper to help with them.

Also, try to keep in mind that while his AS is currently manifesting itself in worse ways, it will get better once he gets older, because he will learn to see past people dismissing him sometimes, generally gain more social experience and many aspies have said their intensity level of obsessions decreases after they reach a certain age, so while still having interests they aren't as compelled to research them constantly, or tell the world about them all the time. I'm not saying your son will grow out of AS, just that he will eventually learn to deal with it better than he is while he is still working on understanding himself.

Sadly though in real life, at least in the real world you cannot do what her son did, which was remove yourself from the situation before you shutdown.

Your son should be commended for being such an insightful and bright little guy. And I don't see anything wrong with the topic of ghosts; many NT children (and adults) are fascinated with them as well. Does he attend a religously affiliated school where the concept of ghosts would be seen as contradictory to their teachings and beliefs? Something it might help to tell him is that when people don't understand something, they will attack it just because they don't understand. It's just their uninformed opinion, and no reflection on the validity of his interest. In language suited to his comprehension level, of course!

Thank you for your responses. I am very proud of him too for voicing the problem versus lashing out. I honestly believe if the teacher would have firmly nipped the behavior immediately (as we would have done at home) the entire situation could have been adverted. But there's no place for "would of, could of's" only a note for next time.

He goes to a public school and is in a general education class as of now. It's a large 1st grade class of around 25 kids, and his teacher is not really knowledgeable of Asperger's or autism aside from what her and I have discussed to help accommodate him for the remainder of the year. She's really trying, but I do understand that she has a large class of other students to teach while having to deal with this as well. Next year he'll be in special education (or I'll be moving him into a different school).

My son has learned multiple diversion strategies and can usually identify the stress build up early enough to find a successful option for self-calming.

There is no reason a school can't provide a child a quiet spot to run to when nearing a meltdown. That strategy has worked well in countless IEP's.

Even most jobs could accommodate it as long as they know it is a need and are willing.

But I know that personal experiences and options will vary.

On the obsession, btw, I don't see anything wrong with it, either, but I suspect the child's response came out of left field to him, and most ASD kids have trouble with things they aren't expecting. Has he encountered that attitude before? If not, I'm not surprised it got to him.

Have you told him that different people believe different things, and that since no one can SEE ghosts, it can be tough to prove who is right? All that matters, of course, is what he chooses to believe, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, but he does need to understand that many people will completely disagree with him, and they have a right to do so. It could be good to practice different scripts with things to say in those situations.

I really think the school over-reacted. These kinds of episodes are par for the course with ASD kids in elementary school, and my son's school (mainstreamed, no aid) just went with the flow, knew what to do.

Just a head's up - stimulant medication led to aggression in my DS8. From what I've read, it's not entirely uncommon for that to happen in kids that have both ADHD & a spectrum diagnosis. We are on Tenex now and it's working pretty well.

Hi folks, thanks for continuing to post replies and share your experiences and information. Here's a little update on my son:

He's been at home with his sister and me since the school episode (2 days, including today) and will continue to be at home until he's seen his doctor and has a note to return to school. So he's been taking the Focalin for 3 days now. He's been a peach at home. No aggression or rage as what they described at school. We've still sat him done to do school lessons at home and while he's not happy, as usual with schoolwork, he is doing it. He showed a bit of annoyance when he was stumbling through some of his reading and his little sister was at the table next to him giggling about the picture she was coloring (it was a funny picture). He'd told her not to laugh at him that it wasn't nice. So explained that she hadn't been laughing at him and he'd calmed down. I also explained that we understand that sometimes he's misunderstanding the reason behind someone laughing or giggling and that he shouldn't assume that it's being directed towards him. And I also explained that it he does feel it's bullying that he should either/or both ask his teacher or mommy or ignore the "bullying" since it's best to smile and walk or turn away from uncomfortable situations or bullies. I explained it to him much better then I did here, lol.

So yeah today's he's happy and enjoying his free time since he's completed his lesson early. Amazing how much quicker he's able to complete work away from classmates, he's also focusing really well today. So I guess we'll have a nice weekend away at the fitness expo (aka...Powerade Tour with Shaun T) and then up to visit daddy's mamma and brother. I'll let you all know how the weekend and doctor's appointment goes on Monday afternoon. Thanks for the support everyone!

souds like he would be a great candidate for homeschooling! I homeschool my 6yo son who has Aspergers and it is the best decision we have made for him. just throwing that option out there!

IMO the school is WAY out of line making you keep him home. And they are probably only doing it because its almost the end of the year and there are less than 10 days left. If they keep him out for 10 days then other legal requirements kick in on the 11th day but they know they don't have to face that deadline so they are just taking the easy way out. Its BS and it is probably against the law. That being said, if I could I would probably do the same you are doing and keep him at home for his own sake because the school obviously doesn't know which end is up.