Help, Advice and Hope Needed!

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Ok well, I am feeling nervous already, this I not a topic I am at all comfortable with yet but, as is always the case in my life, I am getting really anxious over this. I would love any similar experiences, explanations or just a friendly hug! 
I began to question my sexuality in January this year. It was very difficult for me and its only in the past few weeks I've been able to say to myself that I know I do not like boys that way at all. I know there is nothing I can really do about this but I am so uncomfortable in my self at the moment. Only my best friend knows for sure, my mum and my psychologist knew my doubts at the beginning and I don't know how to approach them and say I know for certain. I'm crying just writing this stuff! 
But I get really upset and confused because I want a romantic relationship with a boy, one of my interests is settled around a couple and I just love their relationship, I am a huge fan of romance and I feel so awful that I will never have that- in fact the only thing I feel really stops me from being straight is that I'm attracted to girls not boys. 
I often write fanfiction stories as these characters and was very scared when I thought maybe why I connect to the male better. I suppose I have a lot in common with him and he has a lot of Aspie traits but I still feel like I relate to him too much. I think this might be because I still see that any relationship has to be between a boy and girl, I feel that must make me a boy.
On the other hand I don't think I feel like a boy, I like to be the protector of the group and I am not a fan of shopping, I don't wear make-up and have never felt feminine in my life. I think this is either a) the general Aspie norm, most girls seem to be the same this way or b) because I have incredibly bad self-esteeme. In primary school we did this thing when we had to say something we were good at and I was in tears before I could say something I believed I was. I hate the way I look, I hate my body but I don't think I'd want a male body any more than my own. I really want to become comfortable with who I am and would love any help anyone can offer on how I can do this! 
Thank you for reading my long  and painful rant.

I know it's very painful and confusing; I went through something similar recently. There is nothing wrong with being attracted to girls rather than boys. You can still have a romantic relationship with a girl. Please, don't get too upset about this, or at least not more upset than you can help; you seem like a lovely person and I'm sure you are worth much more than you appear to believe. Nobody is worthless, yourself included. If you ever need support, I'm here.

Sorry this is such a late reply, I saw your post the other day and meant to reply then.

Romance isn't an exclusively straight thing. We've all been lead to believe that, in literature, films, TV etc. There is a very narrow idea of romance that is shown in the media: almost always involving young, straight couples. But in reality gay men and lesbians have romantic relationships too, and so do older people. When you meet the right woman the romantic and intimate connection will be just as strong and meaningful as any straight relationship. I am friends with several gay couples (both male and female) and they have happy, fulfilled relationships.

I know a lesbian couple who have been together some time and they have a great life and relationship. They clearly have a lot of fun together, and I must admit when I see all their Facebook posts and photos I am a little jealous of all the places they visit and activities they do. They are clearly a couple very much in love, just as much as I am with my boyfriend (I am a straight woman btw).

I think the thing you need to work on is your self-esteem. This is easier said than done. I am sure there is something that you are good at, but it's hard to think of these things off the top of your head. Clearly if you write fan-fiction you must be a good writer, and have a good imagination and I'm sure there are lots of other things. You will probably become more comfortable in your own skin over time - I think it would be worth talking to your psychologist about this as she may have some strategies for you. There are lots of different ways to be a woman - ideas of how women should look and behave are cultural constructs. You are fine just as you, it may just take you a while to accept that.

I suppose I know all of this but I struggle to believe it just like I can't get it into my head that there is nothing wrong with me and that this is not a faze. I just have the perfect image in my he's and the image of two girls together l- I wont even let myself accept it, it just feels so wrong to me. One of the actresses associate with a special interest has played a lesbian in both a tv programme and a film that isn't out yet and I refused to watch it- I am so freaked out by it. I'm sure this has something to do with my realisation because I have always been indifferent to this before I am beyond scared and just refuse to accept what is.
I think in a way my writing makes it worse because my main character now had the life I desperatly want. She has been married for a while (well 63 years but that just confuses things) her husband is amazing and the male character I accociate so well with. She also has the other thing I want, that has became too strong over the past year or so, a baby. I am only sixteen but my want for a baby of my own has gone too far, I wonder a lot if this has something to do with my problems. I feel jealous walking past a couple with a baby and I know it isn't uncommon any more to see lesbians with children but I know I would never put a child through the bullying of having two female parents and there is no way social services would allow me to adopt a child on my own. I know I'm going on again but I find I just can't stop once I get started. I really want to do something about my confidence but so far- we've been trying to do something about it for six years-there is nothing, I just go back again when another cloud of my life hits me in the face. I sometimes just want to scream, I have had a horrible year, lost two close friends who decided they didn't need me and other friends any more, I've discovered my sister is my half sister and that I am almost (see I have to put the almost in!) certainly a lesbian. I'm going trough a time when all my friends are doing stuff as adults when I just want to be a kid again! I don't fit in anywhere, in my brain there is nothing I have left to succeed in and every hope ive ever had has gone down the drain, it's hard to find positivity in that? Now I have to stop crying and put on a brave face- go do more work on a fading interest.

Yes I think you are running a little far ahead. Children with two parents get bullied all the time. My kids stand a good chance of being ginger, but that doesn't mean I won't have them because I'm worried about them being bullied. You are only 16, in 10 years time things might be a little different. Also, it is in fact possible for single adults to adopt or foster children in the UK.

You are comparing the potential for a real lesbian relationship, with an imaginary straight one. No real relationship with it's up and downs can compare to a fantasy scenario. I think the real issue here is your lack of experience of a real relationship. That experience will come in time (there is no rush) and once you have adult relationships and witness other's adult relationships I think you will feel differently. This works just the same for straight people - any girls who believe that real straight relationships are like Twilight (for example) are in for a big shock.

In the meantime, why don't you contact a support network which is aimed at teens discovering their sexuality - like LGBT Scotland Youth. They will have a lot of experience of people going through just what you are. There is no rush to make a big announcement - take your time. Lots of people are still figuring all this out when they are much older.

I know I worry overboard- I am actiually beginning to think my anxiety is getting out of control. I worry so much about people being bullied because- believe it or not- four years ago I was a very happy person, I never worried or thought about what others thought. Then I was thrown into high school and an ongoing depression that has made me suicidal twice in four years. I panic about everything and I am really, really bad at dealing with maybe's. Which is my biggest problem here, when I really pay antention the only thing that made me think I could be a lesbian was reading this story by mistake and being intrigued. I then went in to major panic mode- Leaving me in the mess I'm in now! The only thing that makes me think this way is that I have never been atracted to boys- other than possibly having a crush on one last year. But the only thing that draws me towards females is that, the whole attraction problem- which ive heard is common among young girls, especially ones with very little confidence. At school I have never looked at a girl in that way unless I had my brain in that mode. Half of me thinks my major problem is controlling my brain when it goes on a mental rampage.
Also yes I know it is possible for single people to adopt/foster children. My problems start when I list the medical or other conditions I live with. A gold with a learning disability got her own baby taken of her just incase. There is no way social services would place a child in my hands willingly.
I suppose in some ways your right- I do look at the images of the perfect couple in some ways but they are really far from perfect when I take everything into comsideration. I originally wanted to be the girl, she was so happy all the time and always sees the good in everything because she's never really known bad. Then I saw the opposite and realised I was and always would be the boy. Alone for almost a century each day worse than the day before, Always dwelling on the past. Till he found her. And again I have never had a relationship with anyone, I was spat on and thrown stones at in first year at high school because of my appearance. I always expected the whole 'love at first sight' fairytales but I've been in and out of hospitals all my life and now dealing with all this the fantasy world is my only escape.

Sorry for not replying to this sooner, but my laptop died and so I couldn't get online.

I think the best thing for you to do is focus on dealing with the anxiety and the bullying. That will take a long time to deal with emotionally. If your fantasy world helps, then stick with that. Aspie people are often a few years behind in emotional maturity and so it is OK to wait a few years before looking for a relationship. I had relationships young, but I wasn't ready. I don't think I was ready until I was 21 ish. Try and focus on the here and now. Can you work on your self esteem with a family member, therapist, or guidance counsellor? I hope the bullying has been dealt with if you are still at school. I was badly bullied too, and it took me a very long time to recover from that but it can be done.