Can an Aspie get by without constantly apologizing.......

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Last edited by tjr1243 on 08 Jun 2012, 1:25 am, edited 2 times in total.

It is my belief that an Aspie must put 1000% effort not to screw up in social situations. If this 1000% effort is not put in, then an Aspie's life automatically falls apart. Is this true?

I've found myself having to apologize right here on WP because some of my aspie brothers are VERY sensitive about their writing styles or avatars which I comment on sometimes. You can't win.

<----- Also had to apologize for his illeism - speaking of himself in the 3rd person.

I sure as hell can't get by without apologizing constantly. I offend all the time. Don't think before I speak.

Hate doing it too. Used to not, even when I knew I was in the wrong. Felt like admitting I was wrong made it real. But I learned a thing about myself. I screw up. A lot. Whether I want to admit it or not. Can't help it. I'm not, and never will be, the perfect person I liked to think I was. In fact, far more imperfect than most. And the closest I can get to being that person I wanted to be is to admit to my errors. Which means apologizing. A lot. Even if I hate it. Learned it's best to just get it done, get it out of the way, as soon as I've realized my wrongness. Learned that not admitting my errors and flaws didn't make me look right, it made me look like a fool.

I hate being in the dark about how people are reacting towards me, so I try to tell people upfront to please let me know if something is bothering them about me, or I will probably not realize it. I don't think that people realize the extent of my obliviousness though, and I keep finding out after the fact that I did the wrong/socially inappropriate thing. Then I get exasperated.

I don't go around telling people that I'm on the AS spectrum, but I told my fiance's closest friend and he said "I always knew there was something a little off about you". I wish people would just tell me if I'm being an oddball!

But I think that giving a disclaimer about who you are and what some of your shortcomings are will make it less necessary to apologize. You can't really get away with that with strangers in the grocery store, but if at work or school or family/friend functions you introduce yourself as somewhat socially awkward and ask people upfront to not take offense at the things you say but instead to let you know when you do something that's upset them, you might feel a little less need to apologize for who you are.

There's also a way to get rid of the "I'm sorry" words without making it seem like you don't care. Once you know you've done something incorrectly you can just mention that it probably wasn't the best thing to do and that you realize how it's affected others and you'll try to do better (but only say you'll do better if you really think your capable of it).

Too many "I'm sorry"s make me feel inferior as a person, and I don't want to feel that way.

I dont apologize for things i know are not my fault. People are quick to take advantage of the blame game.

Something like that, but I don't think it's quite that bleak. An Aspie has to put more effort in so as not to screw up in social situations, and if that effort isn't made, then an Aspie will probably not be as popular.

It's very tough, especially in the early years, especially without a diagnosis, without expert help, without the support of family and friends. Nothing a few decades of trial-and-error can't put right.

Apologising...........I agree you have to watch out for guilt-trippers, and also don't castigate yourself too much or you could prejudice them against you, because they'll believe that if you keep saying that you suck, then you probably do suck.

But "sorry" isn't such an admission of guilt or ineptidude. It's normal for people to say sorry even when their oversight is hardly their fault. It's not an expression of shame. I think that's where a lot of Aspies come unstuck.......they think they're admitting real failure. Really it's almost the same as it would be if you said "sorry to hear that."

This is what happens if you apologise too much:
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EdzqTGmEcZE[/youtube]

Last edited by ToughDiamond on 08 Jun 2012, 8:57 am, edited 1 time in total.

In real social situations, yes I have to apologize a lot.


On here, no. I think I've offended people somehow too but I just don't feel sorry for it here.

I say I'm sorry so much that my RL BFF and my husband tease me about it: The sun came up today. I'm sorry. The sky is blue, I'm sorry, etc.

l don't do that as much anymore, but I still do.

If i try to apologize i only make everything worse.

It depends, however. Social situations one encounters on a non--personal level don't need much empathy. If it's more personal, oh boy, i mess it up and most of the time don't even understand what has happened.

I feel that 100%. I kept telling my boyfriend sorry for something. He told me to quit saying sorry, to which I responded "...sorry." haha

I'm constantly apologizing to people too. In the past, I've hurt people unintentionally in social situations, so now I feel like I have to apologize. I don't want to hurt anyone. But most of the people I know find it annoying. Haha.

"I'm sorry for being me and not someone tinier and more agile like maybe Tinkerbell," says the bull in the china shop... (me)

I cannot even turn my social metaphorical head to glance at someone without hooking one of my metaphorical horns in a rack of beautiful fragile glass thingys.
"Oops sorry about ruining everything…."

All I can do is to stay motion-frozen, moving only my eyes, and hope I don't absently swing my tail at a fly. lol

Socially metaphorically, of course.

No, I apologize all the time. My math teacher actually called me out when I apologized for not doing my homework (forgot to do it, not a lack of motivation).

I have a bit of a problem with constantly apologizing for everything, even when I know logically that I haven't done anything wrong. I think it's just because I want to be as sure as I can that I won't offend anyone or make any monstrous social blunders. My friends have told me several times that I don't need to apologize so much, and I always automatically answer that with "I'm sorry!"

Even if constantly apologizing is annoying to people, I think it's better than accidentally hurting someone by not apologizing.

I wish I didn't have to apologize, and really just do it for the sake of seeming normal now after getting yelled at by a stranger.