How long till you're found different?

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How long does it usually take a person to start seeing things in you that are "different" (or they may think weird, off, whatever)?

I ask because everyone finds me perfectly normal at the beginning, even after several interactions and/or several hours / days of relating in total, so then the rejection is all the worse because the things they start discovering are different in me, are automatically considered by them as intentionally bad. People have an expectation from me to act totally normal as I look.

Your case sounds much the same as mine. Sooner or later people start expecting me to be different to the way I am, usually because I've managed to create the impression at the beginning that I am more like a normal person than I am, and it is impossible to continue like that beyond a certain amount of contact because the differences start to show. Amazingly (I mean really amazingly) I have had a partner for the last ten years and even she says that I am lucky that she understands me and accepts my aspergers because just about anyone else would have sent me on my way years ago due to my social incompetence and general lack of awareness of what to say and do. But when I first meet people I think they assume I'm more or less normal, or just a little bit eccentric.

It depends on how we meet. One on one, and with a particular focus in common, they might not notice at the first meeting. If in a social gathering and with no specific focus for the meeting, they'll likely notice immediately.

I remember I had once a great, great week, and managed to make people think I was this really cool, outgoing individual through all of it. Mostly I had to smile and nod,and make a funny remark occasionally, which could be easily forgiven as I was in another country with a language I didn't speak too well then. In the right state of mind I can look that way.

On extended contact, I can't keep that up. Besides the mental state I spoke of it requires a lot of energy, so eventually they get to know the shy me. There are people I only see once every few weeks though, and with prior preparation they never really get to see that.

I put up a lesser version of that everyday, appearing normal through college and through meetings with friends who are not close to me. They think I'm a bit too quiet, or a bit too conceited maybe, but I don't get talked about or stand out too much which is fine for me. With close friends I feel comfortable enough that I'm not so shy with them, which allows me to function better and also come off as mostly normal without a lot of hassle. I need one day of staying at home and not leaving every week to take a breath though, but nobody has reason to suspect there is something different about me and my mind.

It depends. I'm pretty good at staying in the background, so I don't let most people get close enough to me to notice. Then I can do the whole social interaction thing well enough for a few hours, if I have the energy - because it is exausting. So I might get through an evening without somebody noticing.
If I don't pretend and get in close contact with people - like more than on a professional level and for more than a couple of hours.. people notice. However more on a subconcious level first, like something is off about me or just weird. I appear to be uninterested and stand-offish, so most just don't think I actually want to talk to them and don't bother me anymore. Well at least that is what the people say I asked about it afterwards.
I have a few friends, they are just kind of used to me being eccentric, but I guess it took them time. I really don't know why they bothered trying to get to know me when most others didn't.

Depends. One on one conversation that has the potential to last a while, maybe 10 minutes before they start kind of looking at me funny. New job, where conversations mostly center around work, maybe two weeks. With friends, it depends on how often I see them, and in what context.

Over the years, I've gotten to be pretty good at about 10 minutes worth of small talk, I have stock topics and questions that work well. After that, if, come to find out, they have no interest in the communication techniques of bacteria, or some other fascinating topic, I have no idea what to say, or, frequently, how to even answer their questions. All I can think about is escaping. I think they notice.

It really depends on the frequency of interactions. If I see a person 1 hour each week, and I know in advance I will meet this person at that specific time, I have time to plan ahead, rest up before I met them, and that way hold my breath mentally long enough for them not to smell my bad breath. So I would come off as normal to them, and could potentially keep it up for years.

When you are living with someone on the other hand, then it's impossible to hide. At first it would be "lovable quirks" in a relationship, then it turns into the elephant in the room no one wants to talk about, but everyone sees. If you are high functioning enough that you have a job, like I did when I met my wife, and if that job happens to be at weird hours so that you see those you live with less than you would in a nine to five job, then the "lovable quirks" could potentially stay that way for months/years, depending on how blinded by love the other person is.

If I just met someone and got stuck in an elevator with them, they would notice it faster than most family members I have never lived with would.

So, to answer your question; between 1 hour and 10 years, roughly.

From 50 feet away or 3 microseconds, whichever comes first (I don't look or move very "normal").

I think it is probably strongly dependent on the other person and their concept of "different." I noticed years ago that the women that would have a second date with me tended to have fathers that were peculiar or no father at all. Their expectations seemed to be less rigid. Also, only children seemed to not have as high of expectations.

I can't help asking myself the question, how do I even know when someone senses that I'm unusual?

This makes a lot of sense to me. I've tended all my life to have school and work friends who were sort of oddballs or slightly outcast themselves, so they were a lot more open to and understanding of someone seeming different.

As long as it takes me to get comfortable enough to drop my guard and open my mouth.

Someone I don't have to know well or live with?? Like, say, husband's friends or see-them-every-few-years relatives?? They might never know.

Random people I meet?? The clerk at the grocery store, the cashier at the gas station?? They'll realize something's "off" eventually, but chances are they'll just think I'm a likable wonk.

People I'm going to have to deal with often?? Teachers, the kids' doctor, et cetera?? It's better just to TELL them, but try to do it on a good day. I need to find a knowledgable lawyer so I know what kind of harassment is legal and what isn't.

Close friends and relatives?? See first sentence. My protocol for the last 10 years or so has been to let the genie out of the bottle as soon as we start to get close, in the hope that it will save everyone time and trouble.

People who happen to meet me on a bad day?? IMMEDIATELY. Upon sight. Before I say a single word. There's something about a woman shaking and pacing and rocking and talking to herself in a conversational tone of voice that just SCREAMS "different."

I really don't know! I used to think I appear totally normal, but now I'm not sure.

I suspect the tangled mess my hair often is gives me away a bit as well as the fact I always wear the same clothes. I have identical (apart from the holes in them) sets. This is not such a give away when I'm here but when I'm out it is. Not that I go out often. Once a month maybe.

This has happened to me too, more often than I really like to think about. It seems to happen more often with NT's than with aspies (or at least people who I think are/were likely aspies). You are certainly not alone!

People seem to notice something is odd about me right off...not very good at pretending to be normal, but at least that way I can just be rejected up front instead of later when they realise I'm a bit mental.

I learned how to hide all of that when I was really young. I guess I've always had relatively good theory of mind to understand that This Thing that I like to do isn't done by others and therefore will look "weird" so I would stop doing various things (in public). Sometimes someone at work will walk into my office and catch me talking to myself, but most times I can hear where other people are and if they are about to walk into my office from three different directions (other people are so loud to me, and I'm always keeping an ear out for when to expect someone coming into my office, and I find it hilarious that I can sneak up on people like a ninja without trying - I know how much sound I am or am not making, every little squeak). Most times co-workers will laugh it off, because a lot of people talk to themselves here and there, but since I learned to not do it publicly, it's brushed off. Everyone at work knows I'm quirky and OCD without knowing why, and my roommates have all been semi-informed about the Asperger's, but we've never had any sort of formal conversation about it. I think 2 of them are perfectly accepting and therefore don't feel a need to talk with me about it directly, one thinks I'm using it as an excuse, and the fourth one I'm not sure what he thinks of the idea. Everyone that gets to know me tends to categorize me into the absent-minded professor category, and then uses that to explain my quirks.

So, with that last statement, I guess everyone sees me as a little off, but still accepts me as "a normal oddball".

Fairly quickly, I suppose. I dress like poor white trash, but when people talk to me I speak like a college professor. Immediately then, there is a juxtaposition of worlds that is a shock to their minds. In a way, it works to my advantage as it lets me posture myself above those I speak with. Most are afraid to be critical as doing so would only expose their ignorance. It may not make me very many friends, but it works well enough from a defensive standpoint that most people choose to leave me alone.