After all of these years I find out it's only Aspergers.....

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Hi, I'm new here. I'm 45 and just found out after all of these years of strange behavior, shrinks, lost jobs, meltdowns, social anxiety, hitting myself (as a child and teenager), etc......it's only Aspergers. And what a relief to know. However, I am finding that after all of these years people can be so unforgiving. I figured people would be face palming like me but I guess I didn't realize the stigma that goes along with Aspergers and Autism until I said, hey, I have Aspergers! I'm so relieved! Now they are just being total jerks. It's like they wanted to just believe and think I was a "mess" instead. So, I'm having issues with this now. It's not that I really care about people who aren't related. Seriously, I'm a loner and as awful as it sounds to other people, the less friends I have, the less missed phone calls I have to explain away. The less functions I have to attend. The more time I can just spend with my son, my Mom or my very closest friends.....who live several states away, lol. I can't handle being with more than one person at a time, I have meltdowns when there is too much chatter all at once or too many decisions to make between three people. So, I am ok with this. I'm just a little confused by the stigma. Oh, and I do want to get to know other people and try to learn how to assimilate and become less of a "jerk". I actually manage self storage facilities and mask the aspergers very well. But the anxiety that builds up inside during the week makes me exhausted by weeks end. So that's my intro and I really and truly hope to find others just like me who understand. Thanks!

Welcome to Wrong Planet. You're not the only one to have found out later in life that you have AS. I was in my late 50's when I discovered my AS. It certainly does help to explain a lot of things over the years, doesn't it? Anyway, better late than never, I guess.

I'm new here also and can relate to your experiences very well. "Strange behavior, shrinks, lost jobs, social anxiety" -- how very familiar. I began to suspect that I had autism/Asperger's several months ago after taking a job at a psychology-related company and learning about the autism spectrum disorders (ASDs). A friend told me that he suspected for quite some time that I had Aspergers but had been reluctant to tell me. I got tested using the ADOS assessment. I was like you -- eager to tell everyone about the diagnosis (autism spectrum, high-functioning, Asperger's) -- because it explained a lifetime of discomfort, anger, weird encounters and battles with people (which I would invariably lose) and, in general, not understanding why I was different. I also didn't at first recognize the stigma and am more cautious now. I can handle being with small groups of people, up to three or four others. More than that is too much -- sensory overload. I've been anxious and OCD ("comorbid conditions") forever. But recognizing the problem after so many years has been a huge relief. Have you been tested?

Welkome to WP

Mick

Last edited by CockneyRebel on 10 Jun 2012, 3:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.

wow, welcome. (im new too so i hope i can say welcome)

so well put, just like that for me too.
seems like some NTs are utterly and irrationally terrified of anyone disabled.

maybe they dont know how to socially interact with a disabled person regardless of the issue.

for a brief moment they experience our world and the poor things meltdown instantly.

I'm 32, and I found out earlier this year. It's wonderful when almost every experience you've had fits into a diagnosis. My first thoughts were; "Ok, now I know, how do I go about fixing my mess of a life? There must be more like me out there with knowledge to share."

What can I say..welcome to the right planet.


I was worried people would think I used Aspergers as an excuse, so I expressivly said that was not what I was doing. I told them; "I tell you this so that you can understand me better. I stand by everything I have done and said. It's me, it's not Aspergers who said/did whatever. But now I know what has influenced my behaviour, and I can take steps to ensure it never/rarely happens again."
(My rigid adherence to rules are one thing. I've had to rewrite parts of my unwritten black and white rulebook.)


Those missed calls are a pain to explain, aren't they? I have told my closest family and friends that the best way to reach me is to call, and if I don't answer, they should write a text describing what they wanted, and wait for me to call them back, and if I don't, they are free to call me again the next day. But please oh God, do not call many many times the same day without explaining what it's about in a text.
About all those social functions, family is more than enough socializing in groups, in my opinion, and being with one person at a time is definitly the prefered way to go.


Good for you! Well done indeed. I managed to stay with the workforce for 4 years after completed education, my last job were in 2008, havn't been able to work in 4 years. It's what people call a speedbump, isn't it? Oh well, I might be sent out trying to work 20% after the summer, so there are a slight possibility I would be a part of the working force again some day.

You are among friends here, or I would rather say family, 'cause some discussion can get heated, but it's all in good spirits(I think).

Welcome to WP!

I avoid social obligations all the time to stay home with my boys. Only recently have I tried any type of social group; usually I talk only to family and my BFF.

Welcome!

I could only take 2.5 years of my on-the-phones government-sales office job until I had to either leave or lose my sanity. I left and decided to go back to school for a science degree, but I've been having lots of struggles that I don't think accurately portray me as a person. I'm not lazy or uncaring or stupid, it's just really really difficult to maintain a semblance of peace and order while trying to function like a "normal" person, so some things slip between the cracks.

If I had known about Asperger's and how it was affecting my life when I was younger, I would have been able to cut my anxiety-tumor off at the start and not judge myself so harshly for not fitting in or functioning like everyone else. Now the anxiety and depression is so invasive and second-nature that it's hard not to feel powerless and hopeless. I haven't given up yet, but I definitely have a long way to go to get to a healthy sense of self-esteem and positive thinking and action.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

I also had "friends" react less than supportively to my AS, it comes as a shock when people do not want you to feel relief and explanation for a lifetime of confusion and struggles. But what I have found is that I truly cannot control or anticipate people's reactions. All I can control is my own behaviour, and if they are going to act immaturely that is probably about them, not about me. Good luck!

Welcome! I was diagnosed this past year (at 40) and have felt a lot of the same things you described.

In my case, oddly enough, everyone who had been my friend, and put up with my 'weirdness' before that... Like you said, they didn't want to believe that I actually had Asperger's, and basically didn't want to be my friend anymore once they found out.

I don't quite understand that either, but... Such is life, I suppose! But you're not alone, and I'm glad you've found the forums here!

So, is memory also an issue with Aspergers? I feel so bad that I have become some consumed and overwhelmed with life and working that I never came back here to respond. The past four months have gotten worse. My son and I co-manage a self storage facility and we both have Aspergers. I still do not have insurance but he has Crohn's Disease as well and is uninsurable so the Children's hospital here is going to cover the costs of him being seen by doctors there. His depression has grown worse and today he bit himself. Because of the aspergers, this job was too much for us both. We have been homeless before and he is terrified if he doesn't perform well here we will have to sleep in the car again. Dear god when will this vicious cycle end??? I have a B.A. and have not been able to use it due to being a single Mom and caring for him constantly over the years. We have moved an average of twice per year since 2006 to find hospitals to help him with Crohns and complications. We both wonder if our lives will always be like this. He has an appt to see his doctor on the 14th of November but our boss thinks it's just a basic follow up from surgery two years ago. They have fired the last two people who worked here and became ill while working here. God, please tell me someone that it gets better? This was quite possibly the worse job either of us could have taken.

Welcome. I'm new to this too and I'm in my late 30s. It's starting to look like I've finally got an explanation for a lot baggage I've picked up over the years.

Yes, I carry a lot of baggage, too. I think my Mother had it and my Father as well. Both have the characteristics but neither want to be tested and both blame each other for me having it and my Mother just laughed about it ("HA! Well, it must have come from your FATHER'S side!"). Now my son and I both have it. At 19 he is too young to have so much baggage but at 45, I figure it's par for the course not knowing that I had it until this year. Welcome! I fixed my profile so I actually know when I get responses now. LOL!

Everybody is different, but some are more different than others. It wasn't until I was in my early forties that I knew I had Aspergers.

I've always experienced life very differently than everyone else around me and everyone I ever read about or heard of. I never knew why until my late thirties when a counselor suggested I might have Aspergers. I read the list of symptoms and it was like light bulbs going off over my head as I saw symptom after symptom that fit me perfectly. For me it was a relief to know that other people have some of the same experiences I have, but my partner of the time cried about it. For her it meant that some of the problems we had were not something that could or would be fixed.

It took a couple years for me to be officially diagnosed. It took another six or eight years before I was finally set up with the Developmental Disability section of the local Health Department. They set me up with a Regional Brokerage and I now have assistance of many different types in helping me live a dignified life and contribute to society. I *should* have been set up with Developmental Disability decades ago! Part of the problem of course is that when I was younger Aspergers Syndrome was not recognized as a diagnosis in the USA.

There are some gifts to this condition. I have an above-average vocabulary and a much greater knowledge and understanding of history and science than many people. I also have some musical talents, a good ear, songwriting creativity, and I can play guitar while riding a bicycle at the same time! I've done this tens of thousands of miles since the early 1980s, and if not for my autistic traits the world may not have had "The Bicycling Guitarist" (or someone else would have claimed the title eventually).

Welcome to WrongPlanet. Hang in there, and don't let the haters get you down!

This inspired my son and I both. I read your reply to him. It's been a really bad day. That gives us hope. BTW, he is also a talented musician thanks!