Time management

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Our son is adhd/aspergers and has a serious problem with time management. For example, he takes a very long time in the bath and to get through breakfast. What strategies do you use with your child to get him or her through tasks in a timely fashion, if you're in a similar situation?

Thanks.

DS6 isn't independent with those things yet, so we pretty much guide him along the morning and evening routines. When he's a little older, I plan to try some of the strategies in the book Smart But Scattered.

Ditto for us with the same age kiddo.

How old is your son?

I was wondering to myself last evening, as I stood in the bathroom with DS taking a shower and me giving him step by step instructions, when he might become independent with some of these daily activities. Unless we are getting ready to go somewhere he REALLY wants to go, I have to coach him through every step. Even then I have to coach him through most of them but he will do some steps independently like getting his shoes on if they are sitting there in plain sight. It does make me very much appreciate my NT 8 yo who will get dressed, brush his teeth, get his shoes on, etc. mostly with only one prompt.

On particularly difficult days, I try different tactics. We have one of those timers with the different colored liquid inside and sometimes it works to have him race the timer. I have used the Time Timer for this too, say put 5 minutes on and have him race the clock getting dressed. That sometimes produces more anxiety than it is worth however. I don't know what the difference is between the liquid timer and the Time Timer for him but he reacts differently, almost never getting stressed out about the liquid timer.

Sometimes I offer rewards like putting his favorite treat (spaghetti) in his lunch box if he will get dressed right away. This may sound kinda mean but it is true, I tell him that if I have to be with him to help him get dressed (this is after I have laid his clothes out on the floor) then I don't have time to put spaghetti in his lunch. We also did a stop light thing for a while. I cut out a picture of a stop light with the red light lit up and the rule was that he had to stop what he was doing when he heard me say Red Light and/or he saw the picture of the Red Light (I would put the picture right in his line of sight when he wasn't responding to my verbal prompts). Then the rule was that he had to listen to me. This worked for those times when he was really resistant to stopping a preferred activity and we really needed to get going. IMO you run the risk of wearing this tactic out quickly if you use it too often. Since school has been out, I haven't had to use this one.

Thanks for the responses. I previewed the book suggested. Our son is 11 and seems to take long to do everything. It's excruciating. Trying to hurry him up sometimes provokes outbursts, partly because he doesn't have a sense of time urgency. For example, it hasn't sunk in that to reach somewhere, say by 10:00, that we have to leave before that time. Hope he outgrows it somewhat. The problem appears to be compounded by his OCD tendencies. Any further anecdotes and/or suggestions anyone?

Transitioning is difficult for any child on the spectrum, as are multi-step tasks. First, I'd make sure he isn't getting lost in the steps by providing a visual and written description of what he's supposed to do.

Second - we use the reward system for nearly everything DS does, and we make sure our days are as predictable as possible, so he can acclimate to the amount of time something takes. For our morning routine, I use the snooze alarm - first buzz is get up and climb in our bed for a bit (I'm assuming we don't have this for too much longer!) second is get dressed (he rewards himself by doing it extra-fast so he can climb back in our bed!) and third is turn off the alarm and get downstairs. For all that, he gets 1/2 hour of TV or, on busy days, 10 minutes of ipod time. Then we have breakfast and head out the door - on a bad day, he gets bubble wrap to pop on the way to and in the car.

I've learned that his "markers" for time are unique and take a lot of time to put in place, so it takes a lot of routine and repetition - starting with hovering and prompting (and figuring out which steps he needs written down,) moving up to a visual schedule and hopefully he'll figure it out and do it independently. (It took a lot of time to figure this out, so we didn't actually do this so neatly, mostly we yelled and were frustrated and then eventually we figured out about writing it down, and then we figured out the alarms and rewards and things.)

Remember that any change in the morning will upset the whole tea-cart, unless you prepare carefully for it. If you do have a change and things get upset, let your child know that things went wrong because something was different, so they learn to manage changes.

I brought my caughter to a psych the other day and they suspect she has aspergers and will be evaluated soon. It is also suspected that I have it. I scored a 42 on the test and the psych said that just from talking to me, it was likely based on my speech and mannerisms.

Anyway I had no idea that this particular set of behavior was related to aspergers because this is my 5 year old all the time every day. She cannot even use the potty with out constant prompting. She'll try to sit on it first with out raising hte seat or pulling her pants down. Or get horrible distracted before she even gets to the potty. Everything is like this. Putting shoes on. Getting dressed (she can't dress herself). If we are doing something different, I have to tell her right away. For example in the morning before they go to pre school I usually get her dressed then give a snack before she goes with dad to school. Well he is out of town so to save time, I let her eat the snack in the car. I told her the night before about it. Then the second she got up the next morning, and again coming down the stairs to get the shoes on. This child has no sense of urgency, period. Even if she desperately needs to use the potty instead of runnig she will meander ever so non-chalantly to the potty and have an accident before she gets there. It's kind of a relief to know that this might be related to this potential diagnosis.

CWA, that does sound like a lot of the kids here - I hope you get the support you need, hang in there!

One technique that I've found to be helpful specifically for the sequencing issues you're describing is a visual prompt like the ones listed here:
http://thebrokenroad-tiffany.blogspot.c ... apies.html

Note that there are two separate visual supports: one is presented as a social story, it's like a little board book. The second is a visual schedule, outlining just the steps.

The biggest issue is pre-school. I'm not sure at all waht to do about it right now but I need to work. They rotate their schedule every day, as a result she has been acting out A LOT and that is what prompted the psych appointment. She flips (sometimes, not every time) when they go from one activity to the next or from one she is focussed on to one she could care less about. Then when they try to discipline her she doesn't understand why and is still focussed on what she wants to do and she flies into an all out rage during which she will hurt herself and others. Also if another child enters her space while she's doing something, she'll assault the other child. Same thing happens when they try to discipline. I have had to pick her up mid day 3 times in the past week and they are about to kick her out. I have no idea what to do at this point as any pre-school will be about the same... but I MUST work. They really seem unwilling to work with us on it. They ask for suggestions and I tell them what works at home, but they don't actually do them. Is pre-school daycare doable at all for someone with AS (assuming that's what her diagnosis is)?

Well, we didn't have a diagnosis when DS was in preschool, but our experience was pretty much the same. One of his issues was that the one girl he really liked only came on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so I made (without knowing it was the right thing to do) a visual days-of-the-week chart, so he could know which day she was coming.

Ask the preschool if they can give you a schedule every week for what's going to happen each day (and if they can't do that, find a preschool that can - most preschoolers are just as dependent on a routine as an autistic kid.) Create a visual version of it with the days of the week. Every day before school, go over what's going to happen at school, and see if you can get the teachers to do the same at the beginning of the day (which, really, they should be doing anyway for the whole class.) Ask them to point to the visuals, and then direct her attention to the visual prompt (they may have to stick it in her line of vision) when it's time to transition.

Transitioning is difficult for anybody, for all preschoolers, but for a preschooler on the spectrum in particular. Being able to at least understand what's happening and what is expected of them is very helpful (this doesn't always mean they'll jump in and do what you want, but it's a good first step.)

Here's another example: http://www.preschoolplaybook.com/2008/1 ... edule.html or this http://regionivcat.wikispaces.com/Presc ... l+Supports

For one of my sons we use a timer for showering and other tasks. This works really well for him.

Our other son cannot tolerate a timer. It makes him feel pressured and stressed. For him the best method we've found is just for me to keep him on task with gentle, verbal reminders. As in, "It's 8:01. We have 26 minutes until school. Have you done x, y and z?"

When establishing a new routine we use visual schedules, and/or a printed checklist on the wall that they can tick off with a pencil.

This was my 3 yo up to a month ago. Something finally clicked. Not quite sure why, but if I walk him to the bathroom and stand there, not saying a word, his echolalia kicks in and he repeats what he knows I should say, and then do it. Sometimes I still have to give him a few reminders though. I would love to know how he rationalizes this.

When my oldest son was in 5th grade we had lots of problems getting him ready for school on time. He was ADHD but at that time, our only option was Ritalin and we had done that and the side effects were too much. He was constantly late, no matter how early we got him up. I had two other kids that went to that school too, so they were late as well.

I took his teachers advice. It was time to go, but he was still in his jammies.

I took him in his jammies.

He did not do that again.

I was also not the only parent do to that. Other parents did that from time to time and their kids got the message afterwards too.

Sister gave him an extra uniform to put on after first period, so it wasn't all day. But after that, he understood that time to go means time to go, and you will get your butt in that van and go to school at that time.

ETA; This was a private school with a limited number of students. I would not suggest trying this in a big, public school. I would also talk to the teacher about it before you do it and make sure she understands what you are doing, because you could end up with Child Protective Services at your door if you don't.

I have done things like this (once had DS walk the four feet to the car in socks on a snowy day b/c he refused to put boots on. Yes, I had spare socks and boots in the car for him to change into.) It is critically important if you choose this path to make sure your child has the tools they need to do whatever it is you want them to do.

I hear teachers say "natural consequences" all the time, and while I think it's a good tool under the kind of circumstance Olive Oil Mom describes (if it worked, it's a good indicator that the circumstances are right,) but it's a terrible idea if the child - AS or not - doesn't understand exactly what to do to change things.

DS, for instance, struggles with fine-motor dressing tasks like buttoning, lacing, and zipping. We addressed this by using the adjustable-waist pants that essentially are elastic, using shirts that don't have buttons, and shoes that don't need to be tied. If we had a consequence for him not getting dressed on time before figuring this out, we'd have meltdowns, screaming and violence. He wouldn't be able to express to us what the problem was, and he wouldn't understand why we were punishing him for things he couldn't help. He does, however, (now) understand that focusing on the task we set him to is his responsibility, and if he gets distracted, there are consequences.

hello friend, I think you should get busy of your child in many activities, If he has lots of work to do he will manage all of his work properly... try this

Thanks for all the comments and suggestions. It's refreshing to get the perspectives of parents who are "in the trenches," so to speak. All too often it seems to me that parents of children with special needs are criticized, sometimes condemned, by other adults for their children's "difficult behavior," because these other adults think we are doing a terrible job of parenting. But perhaps this is a topic for another thread.

I use the traditional all-purpose approach of nagging, and also a simple reward system. I have two sons, a 9 yo w/ AS and a 7 yo NT. I go into the room to wake them both early enough so that *if* my AS son presents himself to breakfast, dresses himself, and prepares for school in a timely manner, there are about 10-15 minutes left to play before it is time to go to school. I check that AS son has completed all these preparations before they can play together. And I remind my AS son of this reward if he is lagging behind schedule. (NT son is a "morning person" who tends to rise before I do so this is only an issue with my AS son). It tends to work because all that is left is yanking on shoes and a jacket (in winter) before going out the door.