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Feeling stupid for wanting to talk to someone

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kepheru
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17 Jun 2012, 8:41 pm

I have a neighbor who helped me when I was depressed before, but I don't think I ever thanked her. This was awhile ago and I feel it is very overdue now. I'm afraid though, and every time I think about it, I just get nervous and start to feel stupid. Stupid for wanting an excuse to talk to her, stupid for not being able to think of a good way to thank her, and stupid for taking so long. I also feel selfish because I also want to somehow ask if she could help me again. It's like I'm not really grateful but I just want help again. I'm afraid if I do talk to her again I'll just become clingy and not improve at all. I do feel like she could help me, but I keep thinking of reasons to not speak to her. I don't know..help?



Titangeek
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17 Jun 2012, 9:05 pm

First thing that comes to mind is, write a note/letter/email.


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glasstoria
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17 Jun 2012, 9:17 pm

I do the same thing, sabotaging my ideas to connect with other people by thinking of a thousand reasons NOT to do it, and feeling bad about myself. But this is unconstructive behaviour.

I know it sounds overly simple, but I have been telling myself "all they can say is no" in response to me asking for what I want or need. I say it to myself over and over to encourage myself to begin a conversation that I find uncomfortable. Guess what? The worst thing that has happened is someone said no. I didnt get beaten over the head or rotten eggs thrown at me or anything. I lived thru the no. And what is more important, in some of the instance where I have said, "Hi, could we do this, in this way, that would benefit me and possibly you?" sometimes the answer was Yes or even "yes, what a great idea!"

So it is a matter of being able to talk yourself into taking the risk.

Good luck!


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kepheru
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18 Jun 2012, 8:33 am

A thank you note sounds really good. I have a draft of one that I really like. I would also like to continue talking to her on a sort of regular basis. I'm not sure how to ask her though...should I write something like:

"PS, I'd like if we could talk, as there is a lot I think I could learn from you"

I don't know...that sounds so strange. She's married with young kids of her own and I would feel sort of inappropriate talking to her a lot. She's also usually super super busy, and I don't really have anything to give back to her.



AngelKnight
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18 Jun 2012, 5:40 pm

kepheru wrote:
A thank you note sounds really good. I have a draft of one that I really like. I would also like to continue talking to her on a sort of regular basis. I'm not sure how to ask her though...should I write something like:

"PS, I'd like if we could talk, as there is a lot I think I could learn from you"

I don't know...that sounds so strange. She's married with young kids of her own and I would feel sort of inappropriate talking to her a lot. She's also usually super super busy, and I don't really have anything to give back to her.


My only advice is: separate the giving-thanks part from the I-could-use-help-again part.

It sounds like this concern of yours is something with which she is in a unique position to assist. For this, I sympathise, but it seems sort-of impolite to have saying thank-you be in any way conditional on speaking further with this person. I wish I had a more succinct and polite way to put this to you. Sorry about this.



kepheru
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18 Jun 2012, 6:33 pm

AngelKnight wrote:
kepheru wrote:
A thank you note sounds really good. I have a draft of one that I really like. I would also like to continue talking to her on a sort of regular basis. I'm not sure how to ask her though...should I write something like:

"PS, I'd like if we could talk, as there is a lot I think I could learn from you"

I don't know...that sounds so strange. She's married with young kids of her own and I would feel sort of inappropriate talking to her a lot. She's also usually super super busy, and I don't really have anything to give back to her.


My only advice is: separate the giving-thanks part from the I-could-use-help-again part.

It sounds like this concern of yours is something with which she is in a unique position to assist. For this, I sympathise, but it seems sort-of impolite to have saying thank-you be in any way conditional on speaking further with this person. I wish I had a more succinct and polite way to put this to you. Sorry about this.


I understand what you mean, and am glad you said this. I was unsure about thanking her and asking her of something at the same time, as it did seem rude, so now I'll rethink this. I'm beginning to think talking to her is unnecessary, so I may just give her a thank you note and leave it at that.