How do I tell girls I'm interested in them?

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A big problem I have had since I came of age is that I literally don't know what to do when it comes to telling a girl I am interested in her, or taking the next step to asking her out. I had this problem at school (Where I came on too strong and weirded the girls out) and now that I'm out, I am having more of a problem where even if I am interested in someone, I just slink away without saying anything to indicate my interest. (Probably a reaction to all the issues I had in school with girls). I can't believe all of the opportunities I feel I missed because I couldn't take the next step.

A good example could be last night: My best friend and I went out to get a burger at this small joint we like. I really liked the waitress there, we had a good conversation, I just shot the s**t with her the whole time and she responded quite positively - she laughed quite a bit. I liked her (and even told my friend that), but I never found the courage (Or even what I say, I had no idea what I should do or say to show that I would like to see her again), we we just paid for our food and I just left like normal. And now, this morning, I am kicking myself for letting an opportunity like that slip. I really feel both my cold feet and me not having any idea what to do when I do find someone I am interested in is really hindering my chances of getting in a relationship. What the hell do I do?

That's really unfortunate because I wish I was like you. I wish I had friends. The problem for me is finding people. But if you get these signs that she's CLEARLY giving you - then that's YOUR SIGN. That's a CUE. If you KNOW based on this EMIRICAL REAL TIME EVIDENCE then you can gather a CONCLUSION and ACT.

Think of all your interactions and formulas. See, I don't even get smiles most of the time and people avoid eye contact with me for some really weird reason despite all my efforts. All you have to do is input their actions as symbols and equate them into a solution. And if the outcome isn't what you had expected, then perhaps some of the variables were skewed and untransparent - disabling you from equation an accurate solution to the formula.

Try being direct "I think you have a great personality, and if you'd be interested, I'd like to get to know you better."

If even one guy had said that to me in the history of my life, I would have figured out *before* it got awkward..... :p

Yep
I haven´t got a clue, and I am pretty old and female. I don´t read the nonverbal signs well. The above approach seems the best way out.

The way to limit yourself to the "just friends" book, is to show interest that you like her.
She might also see you as a pushover if you directly show interest.

If she learns through a 3rd person that you have something for her like common interests, and you positively avoid showing interest in her, she will be very curious if you like her or are attracted to her. But it is a subtle balance to be funny, witty, without seeming like a clown, and giving out a confident 'presence', but without seeming overly arrogant.

Without the mystery, you won't be regarded as possible relationship material.

Takes a lot of practice.

Find out what kind of movies she likes to watch (if any)
Then wait for a movie of that genre to come out in the theatre.

Then instead of asking her for a date, say to her that you're going to watch that movie on some day (subtle hints of an actor she might like) and mention "hey you will probably like that movie why don't you join me at (some place) and (some time). That way you are in control of the situation. You are demonstrating you have interests other than wanting to date her, and it suggests that you don't care if she doesn't go with you. Basically you are in control. If she does say no then there is no embarrassment or disappointment because you were going to go anyway. That shows you are your own man, with your own control of your life, and not a pushover.

"Baby, can I get chor numba?"

Well, I don't have much expierence with girls and...(saving you a story) haven't really had a successful relationship. However before I crash and burn I got the girl (twice, somehow) anyway to do it I was just straight forward about liking them. I basically said "I like you, are you free this weekend?"

I'm only going to address this specific example (not the overall issue)

I don't think you need to be kicking yourself too hard about the waitress.

Waitresses (servers) and other service people have to be nice to you, because it's their job, good repartee with a customer often equals bigger tips. This results in two things:
1.) It's very hard to read the signals accurately, genuine interaction get's muddled with obligation and it results in misunderstanding.
2.) Because this misunderstanding is common servers get hit on alot, having to balance on that tightrope of rejecting a customer while still hussling for a decent tip and repeat business is a hazard of the job.

In general it's kinda bad manners/not a super great idea to hit on people who are paid to be nice to you. It's hard to do that without taking advantage of the fact it's unfairly difficult for them to reject you, and that s**t is not cute.



"but but" you say "this was really genuine and everything was great and I'm sure she was just waiting for me to make my move!! !"

There are (rare) exceptions to every rule, you can "ask out" a server, but it has to be handled a little delicately with as little pressure as possible
In the case of a restaurant (sit down?) my suggestion would be to leave a brief note* + your number accompanying (never in lieu of) their tip.
Then you get to "make a move" and they get the chance to make an honest choice in an unpressured environment.

*ex. really enjoyed talking to you tonight, if you did too here's my number




@ Taybot
Perfection! Honest and to the point, but not crude or needy. I like your style.

Pretty much. I wish it was as simple as "Hey, baby, wanna have sex?". Let's skip the games and go right to the foreplay.

Yeah, you do have to be careful with waitresses, bar tenders, strippers, anyone in hospitality. They are paid (and often tipped) to make you feel good. Most people tip the bubbly girl more than the shy reserved girl.

One thing you could do is write your phone number on a piece of paper and give it to her with the check. Even better if you have a business card.

You two bring up good points about how waitressess are paid to be friendly to us, so I shouldn't take them too seriously. I still brought it up because it really highlights my problem though, when I have any kind of romantic interest in a girl, I just retreat into a shell and hide, in response of not knowing what to do.

I think it's a hard line to balance because if you are too passive nothing is ever going to happen for you but if you are too aggressive it can come off as creepy. And while waitresses have to be nice to you, my dad has successfully gotten them to add him to facebook, so I don't think you should just assume they are never interested.

I really think that me being so extremely passive with women is a reaction to how a few social situations went extremely sideways with girls I liked because I came on too strong to them, thus making myself out to be a total creep to them. Like for example, I thought one way I could get this one girl I had a crush on to like me was to compliment her all the time; Yeah, not one of the brightest ideas I ever had. It really went to the pot when a few times I greeted her by rubbing her shoulder. I learned the hard way that no matter what, you keep your hands to yourself!

So basically now I have gone to the other extreme of being too afraid to stick my neck out socially, mainly out of fear of having another social disaster like the one mentioned above. Even though I have learned my lessons from them and now have a much better knowledge of social boundaries and what kind of behavior makes people uncomfortable.

Try Taybot's advice, maybe. It's mild to the point of almost being passive, though technically it isn't. Not much risk involved yet gets the message across, inoffensively.