I've figured out the eye contact thing!

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Ask sympathetic NTs to wear dark sunglasses - I'm in TX, as you know, and it is hotter than the devil's toenail out and equally sunny - so I got to go out to lunch with my favorite person to be around today and he was wearing his sunglasses most of the time (since we ate outside) and I was really excited because I could look at him when he was talking (he has the most expressive eyes of anyone I've ever met, so this is hard for me with him especially)! This may be the key . . .

Good idea, but I can't handle mirrored sunglasses, either. My method of dealing is to stare at the pupil of one eye and concentrate on that.... nuts, huh?

That's an idea.

I do that too, I try to concentrate on one specific detail of the person's face, but that can be boring.

have y'all seen the computer program "mind reader" . I wonder if it doesn't help with the eye contact aversion?

What is "mind reader?"

Kia'Ora All

Looking at anyone in the eyes causes extreme discomfort! The sensation is difficult to quantify - it feels how I think being walked-on might. I would consider myself to be quite rational in most instances, but this is one area that has not improved throughout life to this point. I tend to lose a great percentage of my vocabulary when making direct eye contact.

I've tried the glasses idea before. Still get major sensory overload. I go crazy, I still look to the ground when talking to people (even to my dog).

Remeber those "magic eye" posters and books. They were those stereo-optical images. There were two dots that you stared at the bottom of the page until they became one strong dot and two weak dots. Then you could look at the image above, which initially just looked like random abstract art, the image would then, after a minute or two, be 3-Dimiensional. If you did this enough you then realized that you did not have to stare at the dots until the miracle happened. You realized that you just had to look through the book, image or poster, or rather focus on something behind/beyond the image. I do this with people. It is quite helpful. It also comes in handy if you are bored by the person. You end up seeing two of whoever you are looking at and sometimes that is more interesting than the one person. I guess it is the opposite of "crossing your eyes" so it is called "un-crossing your eyes" or "looking through someone." I am lucky though. I am six-foot-four and I find that if I force myself to look at someones eyes they soon look away, or at least I hope that it is my height that does that.

I also use the "looking past people" or "looking at the floor" trick. I was never able to do those magic eye things, so I can't really see the relation, but I understand what you're talking about. I also try to remind myself that just looking at the person is usually enough to assure them that you are listening, and often find myself focusing on either their hair or their mouth. Since I've become more concious of the fact that I don't make eye contact I've been attempting to do it more, but, as you have said, it's very overwhelming. I don't think that it's sensory overload in my case, though I'm not exactly sure what a sensory overload entails. For me, when I look at a person's eyes it's more that I am overwhelmed by a lot of confused thoughts of trying to understand what a certain look means, or whether or not I am holding the person's gaze for too long. When that happens, I can't listen to what the person is saying, so I try to make what I consider to be a minimum amount of eye contact. A friend of mine used to get angry at me for not looking at her when she talked, because she thought I wasn't paying attention. For me, it's the opposite, though- if I'm looking at the person when they speak, I'm less able to pay attention to what they are saying.

I cope with the eye contact problem by having diversionary materials handy. For example at meetings, I will take notes so that I have a reason to look away from people. Being a woman makes it easier because I can look in my purse for something if I get the heebie jeebies.

Also I carry a PDA so that I can futz with it. This would work well for men who don't carry a purse. For men that carry a purse, I can offer no help. :-p

same here. it just freaks me out when people have the mirrored sunglasses on, i feel like im totally blocked out from talking or even KNOWING the person. the eyes are the gateway to the soul, they shouldnt be blocked at all.

im always suspicious when i see a man with sunglasses on that you cant see his eyes through- because you dont know where he's looking, maybe just me being paranoid!
i've noticed recently that i tend to focus on people's eyebrows- very odd!
one problem with avoiding eye contact with me is that im quite small so it takes effort for me to make eye contact anyway and its so obvious when im not...

I can do eye contacts without feeling ill-at-ease, but with members of my family only.
I feel a bit awkward when I look into my friends'eyes, but I can do it.
It's harder with people I don't know at all.
The thing I do most of the time is that I cast glances all around me, like a mouse (that's a friend who told me I looked like a mouse when I did this). By doing this I can look very quickly into the eyes of the people with whom I 'm talking, and it feels allright.

Asking NT people to wear sunglasses when around you may be the answer for you.
But for me, even looking at sunglasses I hate because I can still see through them. Mirrored sunglasses are the absolute worst

I focus on the mouth or forehead, if I need to fake it. For short periods, I can look someone in the eye, although it's uncomfortable. Making it through an hour long job interview is really, really tough, because you want to maintain eye contact for as much of the time as possible. For the most part, however, it's not necessary, and I think you can let your eyes wander for the most part as long as you make eye contact when you begin talking and occasionally glance back. Or I could be completely wrong - it has been known.

I just stare at their forehead, or stare right past them.