Friends always abondon me

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This has always been a problem with me. I'm 18 and people cannot stand to be with me. I'm always excluded from social events and ignored by friends, like I'm not even human. It really hurts and it's been happening my wntire life. But it especially hurts this week. I have the entire week off because it's thanksgiving break (i'm a senior in HS) and I haven't been talking to anybody at all. Just playing computer games. On myspace none of my friends ever talk to or comment me and whenever I call them asking to hang out they act annoyed or like they don't want to talk with me. I haven't heard them do it, but I'm suually right when I sense things. I suspect they're tlaking behind my back about me and it's all really destroying me as a person. I feel like an animal in a cage.. Really I just got back from throwing bricks and waterbottles at the ground in my backyard.. teary eyed.. YEah it sounds pathetic but my life at this point is pathetic and I don't even know why I'm alive.

I can never seem to adapt to it, because it's not natural. Who wants to adapt to staying home all day in fornt of a computer? It gets boring, but that's all my life consists of

Well, if they treat you that way, then they aren't your friends and that's their problem, not yours.

I WISH I could help you. You almost described my life. With me, SOME of it is my fault. I don't smoke, like sports, dance. People often call me if they have a problem. I don't damage anything. Not the ground, bricks, or myself. I resolved that this wouldn't affect my depression that much. Sadly, my life is kind of like yours. For a while, I was going to the gym, etc.... NOW I am always away, and generally can't. 8-( The moving doesn't even help with building friendships.

Anyway, YOU shouldn't lose hope! As for ME? I'm curious what OTHERS will say.

Steve

Alternatively, take a martial art, a REAL one. From personal experience a dojo isn't society. A dojo is it's own subculture altogether where sheer, raw EFFORT and dedication determine whether you're liked or not, as opposed to skin-deep makeup, fashion, superficial popularity, etc.

And if possible, get new friends. Ones that treat you like an actual lifeform and acknowledge your existence.

Well, let's be pathetic together. I feel the same way about my social situation. I suspect the people I hang out with occasionally at school mock me behind my back. I feel like I need people to meet me a little more than half way socially and that is something that most people are just not willing to do. I thought college would be better but I am halfway through my junior year and there are many freshmen in higher social demand than I am.

When it gets really bad for me, I just throw myself into my work. When I'm working on a challenging project or assignment, I find that my loneliness is diminished somewhat. Is there anything you really love to do by yourself? The other thing that helps me feel better is helping people, like helping acquaintances with homework. I am the TA for a lighting and sound design class and around project time my phone is ringing off the hook. Helping someone get sound to come out of ProTools may not be as fun as knocking back a few beers with them but at least it's something.

I hope things get better for you.

I never belonged to a "group" of friends.I can only handle one on one socializing.In your school,have you ever noticed another loner?Perhaps it;s time to reach out to another loner.They have always been the best friendships for me and seem to except me more then groups of friends.

The loners that I encounter are generally either annoying or just plain boring. I reccomend that you keep trying to socialize with the cooler kids. That way, you might pick up on how they interact with each other, and learn from them that way.

I can empathize. I am always looking for diversions because I basically have no "friends". I spend nearly all of my free time in front of my computer as well. My myspace is also without commments or care from anyone else.

I'll have a friend, but I always lose them, usually by their choice. They will like me for a while but eventually they just stop calling. The life and energy they had in my presence goes completely away and they look like they want to leave constantly. They usually won't *tell* me what's wrong and if I dare ask, then I'll never ever ever ever know. Maybe, just maybe, if I say nothing at all and pretend nothing is wrong I might catch a whiff of it. But I rarely understand anything.

Ever try to predict the future or be "clarvoyant" and somehow guess right what the problem is only to find out it would have never happened if you never thought of it? It sort of feels like going back in time to kill myself before I was born...lol I don't really believe I am psychic. But I do believe in heuristics. I can see where problems "could" occur, where weaknesses in a friendship "may" be, then i promptly seem to go and cut my own throat with them and make my nightmares true. Maybe I'm just subconciously trying to make sure it's a secure friendship, but my fears of these "not yet" existent problems seem to always make them true eventually... LOL maybe once they hear my idea on how they could screw me over, they realize.... "Hey!! ! I really could take your wallet when you are in the shower John! That's a brillant idea that I would have never thought of!... I never would have thought about stealing before, but hey, I want to try it now! You'd never know!" :p That didn't really happen, and I wouldn't really actually *tell* them, but stuff like that is what I'm talking about. Maybe they would pick up this *idea* by me being really particular placing my wallet "somewhere safe"... or trying to lock it up somewhere.

The funny thing is, the more down I am, the more I could care less about having a close friend, *suddenly* I will have a couple friends.... Then, I'd do what I promised myself I would never do again the last time my friend left me, I'll like these new people and believe they are true friends.

My theory is I have no perception of their personal space. Being friends with anyone, you'd want a day off right? Being antisocial, I know this well. My poor friends are like plants I kill by watering too much. I break my own comfort zones by agreeing to do whatever they want to do, whenever they want(within reason). But somehow, I'll eventually notice they want to be away from me(even though THEY were the one that invited me to do whatever) and I will think something is wrong. I'll apologize and try to fix it and they will think I'm nuts. In retrospec, they probably just want to "look good" by inviting me, but don't want me to come *every* time, or atleast learn to go leave and follow my "own star" and stop loitering afterward... I can't seem to get it right. If I cut it out, and stop going, then they are pissed because I left them alone too much. So, there in lies my delima.

Knowing might be "half the battle" but the other half might as well be in alpha centauri. I don't really see myself learning to do it perfect. So far, the best I can manage is making new friends, keeping them until they hate me(woot! 1yr is my new record! lol) and then leave them to try to make new ones. I have so many people that are mad at me or just plain confused it's not funny. They are like the ghosts that haunt me. I'd have to say that "feeling pain is better than nothing at all". Yea it really sucks, you'll get really upset and make enemies. But it is going to be alot more interesting that stay home unhappy... If you have to be unhappy, might as well get some going and hanging out in there somewhere It's multitasking!

So I dunno... I can't say my situation is the same... but maybe some similarities will make you feel less alone...

Oh well, at least I seem to have found the right place. I just wish I found it even 6 years ago. I even moved into a family area. HEY, I felt I had a viable plan, etc... It just didn't work out. 8-( Anyway, I actually met another neighbor a year ago. HOW? She came over to my house because she didn't see my car move at ALL in FOUR days! OK, it moved briefly about 12 times, but she missed that. She had to blink SOMETIME! It DOES give you an idea of what my social life is like. It's a pity too, because I am a nice guy. People at work generally like me. Several customers asked for ME specifically, and were kind to me, and flattering.

novawake,

I think I know EXACTLY where you are coming from. Sadly, I have the SAME problems. 8-(

Steve

Novawake.....it's like you crawled around my brain and pulled out some of the icky stuff.(hope you visualites enjoy that image.)I have constant battles with myself over relationships....never knowing when to leave,when to decline an offer,when to get close or pull-back.Always seem to get it wrong and then not sure if I am sabatoging on purpose(out of need for space,fear of losing myself,missing my own interests)or am unintentionaly being an ass.But I kept throwing myself in front of the bus because the alternative...being alone with my brain all the time....can be equally annoying.

I feel like you are speaking my life...all I can say is that it gets better.

you will meet people that actually care about the *person*..and not the *image*.


high school was a nightmare for me...I think I can understand what you feel.


*internet hug*

Good points here, gym, martial arts, things that you can do yourself.

Learning an instrument is another really good one, there is always the possibility that you can connect with another through it.

I'm a loner, I'm not pathetic, those that dump me cause they don't get me, or don't want to understand, are a waste of my time anyway.

I've found some people (through the net, and my brother) who are as passionate about music as me, we always have things to share, and we can always share ideas/creations.

If you follow a passion or something, there is a good chance you can share it with others.

I'm home almost every day in front of the computer.

I know it seems sad, but do you really think spending time and energy socialising and maintaining a group will gain you anything in the end? Sure the comfort is there, but for me it only lasts an hour or two then I crave being alone again anyway.



Remember we're all here to talk, you play games? Anything you play online maybe we can get some matches goin?

I realised I can get along with a stranger just as well as people I've known for a while, this taught me that joining a group, fulfilling a hobby, or something similar, is the best way for me to connect with others. This way I can generally be alone, but still feel like I'm sharing enough to feel connected.

I firmly believe some of us simply aren't meant to socialise, so we use all our energy doing so, and still come across as half-hearted, when we pursue our interest/passion however we can excel where most can't..

If its any consolation I was a total loner at high school, it was about that time I picked up an instrument, started writing, and started learning on my own. Not too long later I found a few people that connected with similar interests, yep they come and go, yep they still don't understand be, but its worth it to me for those moments we connect and share.

Krex has a good point, you could find those similar to you in expulsion, or someone who is driven by what you are.

I don't know if this will help, but I've actually found a few obsessions that are much more enjoyable on my own, to the point that I only want to be with others one day a week. Due to the internet, I can satisfy even this desire without having to neglect my goals.


I hope you can find something that drives you out of this rut.

Just remember, you're not a "loser" or pathetic because you're alone, its actually very strong of you to be who you are, and though it might seem annoying, if you can connect with someone as the real you, the rewards are so much greater than if they had loved an image.

You define who your friends are..

Personally my friends are songs, my brother, and people on WP.

Create something interesting. Publish it via some medium or other. There'll be all the social pull that you'll ever need. As for mutually altruistic relationships? Dude, those things are hard for anybody to find. The loneliness won't end until you've figured out how to overcome it on your own. When you can provide more than enough company for yourself, other people will begin to be hit with the spillover. You just gotta open the throttle enough.

Brah they are just simple minded muppets. they aren't true friends a real friend would stand by you. just ask would they treat you different if you didnt have as. if they are a true friend they'll say no straight away other wise they'll hesitate. iget new friends serious man and it aint pathetic it showwing how hurt you are. may i make one suggestion. punch bags are a better way of channeling aggresion as you get arrested chucking things in the street. just remember they got no idea of what as is so do not worry.

brother devil