minotaurheadcheese wrote:
Re the food stamps I would say so what if your husband has issues with it? He's the one failing to pull his weight, and this situation is obviously untenable. Do what you have to do to get the support YOU need, and tell him he'll just have to deal, unless he wants to find some other way to get the money. Whatever the consequences, it's got to be better than the possibilities you're considering at the moment.
You should be able to file for a modification of your custody/child support arrangement without legal assistance, although the paperwork can be confusing. You can even apply to have the filing fees waived-- look for something called "in forma pauperis." My advice would be to call a good family lawyer and ask for a free initial consultation. They can point you toward the resources you need to file everything yourself. Also, you may find that there are other legal resources available. Most places have legal services NPOs that can represent you for free if you qualify. Some states also have free-of-charge mediation services that you can use in lieu of separate legal representation.
Beyond that, my general advice is just start making phone calls. This can be very unpleasant-- I know from much experience-- but also very productive. Call your child support enforcement agency and family/social services agency, explain what the situation is, and ask them what they or you can do to help. The least they will be able to do is point you toward other community resources. As I say, speak to a lawyer once. Talk to your utility providers and find out if they have low-income assistance programs that might help you save a few bucks. Since you say you're in debt, call your creditors and try to get a structured repayment plan. Oftentimes you can get not only lower payments this way, but end up paying back a significantly reduced amount. Find any and all local organizations that are relevant to your situation, and just give them a call and ask if there is ANYTHING they can do to help or any advice they can offer. Trust me, you will find that there are people out there, in the government and in NPOs, who do not want to see families like yours hurt. Often their hands are tied by finances and restrictions, but they will do what they can and it can be enough to make a difference.
I'm a divorced mom of a four-year-old son and I've been in situations not that different from yours in the last couple of years and even when I was scared to death, I did manage to get back on my feet. It sounds like you are the only one in your household pulling everyone's weight, and that's an untenable place to be, but right now the only thing you have control over is your own actions, so for your kid's sake, just do everything that you can. If you didn't care, you wouldn't have been working as hard as you have been, and no child is better off without a parent who cares that much. Just don't give up now, even if it's terrifying. If there's anything I can do or any information I can help you find, don't hesitate to send me a PM.
You can also try contacting the child support enforcement agency or the court that your support is thru. Often there are forms they can provide (sometimes you might have to pay a dollar or so for the form). As for having the fees waived, just ask for a fee waiver form. It's a lot easier to remeber than the Latin, and if the court doesn't use the Latin term on the form, you may just confuse the person working there if you try to use that term. A simple child support modification is something I regularly see people do on their own where I work. It will be much easier to fill out the forms if you have the most recent order for child support handy, as well as documentation of how much your income is (such as check stubs, or bank statements), and how much your bills are. You may or may not see them on the request to change your support, but you can be sure to find them on the motion to waive fees, as this information is crucial to determine if they should be waived.
29 Jun 2012, 11:01 am
