i am a kid asking parents this question

Post Reply New Topic

is your relationship you have with your child get awkward sometimes? because i never talk to my parents during dinner or other times unless i care about what they are saying or i have something major to tell them. i can never trust them with anything. I am adopted from russia when i was 2 years old, my psychologist says that might be a reason i dont trust my adopted parents. but anyway, do u have major trust issues with your kids that have AS? an can it get very awkward with them jus trying to start a normal converasation?

My son is 6 with High Functioning Autism. The vast majority of the conversations he starts are about Lego Ninjago (his most recent special interest), Hot Wheels (his long term special interest) or Phineas and Ferb (his current favorite cartoon). While I know that he trusts me, he has a lot of difficulty communicating things much of the time, especially when it comes to the things that are difficult for him at school or how he feels about things.

It is sad for me as a mom to hear you say that you don't trust your parents with anything because that must be very lonely for you and probably for your parents too. I have read that many children adopted from Russia have difficulty making any kind of emotional connection with their adopted families. You haven't told us anything about your adopted parents but I know that it takes a lot of time and effort for people to go through the adoption process so I can only guess that they really wanted to give a child a good life when they adopted you. I hope that your psychologist can help you find some comfort level with your parents even if you never feel a strong connection.

I have AS and I have 4 NT kids. 15, 17, 18, and 23. I was always very close to them. We always talk a lot and talk about lots of things. I've always talked to my kids like they were adults and my peers anyway and I've never talked down to them, so it's never been an issue. The oldest one doesn't talk to anybody in the family anymore, but that's a long and complicated story involving his crazy baby mama and her psychotic issues.

Actually, my kids tell me pretty much everything. I know that lots of people say that and think their kids do, but mine really do. Sometimes I'd rather not know these things but I'm glad they trust me enough to tell me and ask my advice. Sometimes they do what I suggest, other times they don't, but they do always consider it. I would have had a much better life if I had had that kind of relationship with my mother.

I never liked talking to my mother much when I was your age though, if that helps.

_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

How old are you now? High school age? I am fine with my mom but once I got to that age I found it very hard to talk to my dad about anything...its very strange and I think he may have some serious undiagnosed social disorder. Its hard to talk to him about anything and conversations tend to turn into his angry right-wing political rants. So I pretty much stopped trying. Lately he just spends a lot of time alone in his room like an angry teenager...

My son is 5, and while he is very guarded and doesn't talk much about how he feels, I think (and hope) this is because it's his nature rather than not trusting us or feeling close to us. I feel that he knows he can tell me anything and he will be supported but now that I am thinking about it, I should probably emphasise it more often.
I am sorry that you don't feel this way about your parents, it could also be your age - I am sure a lot of teenagers feel this way.

I have a 13 year old Aspie Daughter and other than the predictable "I hate my Mother" stage that all girls seem to go through when their hormones are fluctuating we have a great relationship. I know she doesn't tell me everything, particularly when it comes to romance. She just isn't comfortable sharing those emotions with me - I think because they are new to her and she is still trying to figure out exactly how she feels. However she does ask me questions about sex, drugs, alcohol, my relationship with her father etc. I think this shows that she trusts me. I don't think the lack of trust you say you feel is tied to autism. I am glad to hear you are already seeing a psychologist and hopefully they will be able to help you figure it out. I would ask you if your parents have ever done anything specific to warrant a lack of trust. (did they share a secret you specifically asked them not too etc) If the answer is no then you definetly need to work with your counselor. If the answer is yes I would recommend reviewing that specific instance with your counselor to see if there may be a good reason for your distrust. Good Luck.

I think the bigger issue might be the adoption issue. Hopefully your psychologist might be able to help somewhat. The adoptive parents have to work extremely hard when the child is young to overcome the lack of attachment. But please don't focus on the past too much. Learn what to do now. Good luck!!

Where were you living before you got adopted? Was it a foster home, or were you in an orphanage? Orphanages kids tend to have more severe problems, because they spent early childhood being cared for by multiple adults dividing their time between many kids and often being replaced, so it was impossible to form any bond. Foster kids often manage to form bonds, but then they change homes and have to make new bonds.

Overall, what you're describing sounds more like attachment disorder, though AS probably doesn't help.

Myself, I find it very easy to talk to my parents. In fact I'll often talk their ears off with anything that comes to mind!

My son isn't old enough for me to answer that question as a parent, but as an ex-child, I've gotta say that sounds pretty normal. Our parents screw up in so many ways, this is just one of the ways yours is screwing up in your eyes.

It's weird, we go through different stages of relationships with our parents, I remember hating my folks, thinking they were stupid, wish I was adopted, etc etc. But over the years the relationship has changed, gone through good and bad patches, and as an adult everything is good. Unless your parents are putting you through cruel and unusual treatment, I'd say try and remember that one day you won't feel the same as you do today.

This is my brother, but he seems to trust us less than he did our Mom, at least he doesn't have as strong a relationship. It doesn't effect talking at dinner, and TAylor doesn't seem to care if we're talking unless it's something he specifically CARES about, too. This is common for people with AS, there's nothing wrong with you in that aspect. I think a lack of trust in your parents is relatively normal during teen years, it's something you learn there is no need for after a while.