Did I overeact to all this, or was I right to be worried and

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...upset?

Me and my friend went out last night. I was having a good time until she hooked up with this random drunken guy and said that we are going back to his for a house party, because he invited us.

I did not know this guy, and neither did she. We were also going back to a house with a bunch of guys we also don't know.

I have mild Asperger's Syndrome, so I am not great with the whole social side of life, but I would assume going back to a "party" with a bunch of strangers in a different city (we were not from the city we went out in) is a very, very bad idea???

I told her how I did not want to but she was like "No we are going!" She is very slow and dumb as well, I am the only one with of common sense, but because of AS, I am shy and quiet so I do what she says because I am scared of annoying her ( I mean she is my only friend, and all my other friends don't like anymore, so she is all I have). She walks all over me over stuff like this, particulary lads.

So we in the mini-bus with the people, and I was so angry but knew it was too late and did not want to cause a scene, so i assumed the house wasn't too faraway. But we just kept driving and driving faraway from the city, and into the countryside that I was not familiar with. So because i was a bit drunk (but sober to know we should not do these) I started panicking and has tears coming down my face. I actually think I had some sort of panick attack because I was crying and trying to breath, then I remember feeling shaky later on and feeling sick, which I never feel even with drink in me. I mean I never do stuff like this, and i was so scared since those guys could have done anything to us, and she did not seem to care about our safety or that i did not want to go. If these roles were switched, i would not make her go to somewhere she did not want to go, because a friend to me is more important than going back to a strangers house

Anyway, her, being the ret*d that she is, kept asking her "What's wrong?" Why are you crying?" "Are you feeling sick?" and she sounded genuinely concerned about that. I felt like screaming at her this; "NO!! I AM NOT SICK, I TOLD YOU I DID NOT WANT TO GO AND YOU WOULD NOT LISTEN, WHY ELSE DO YOU THINK I AM LIKE THIS FOR!?!"
I am just so sick of her not listening to me, she always does this.

The guys then looked worried then, asking me if I was ok and stuff, but was very cold towards them, because if they had any respect, they would have realised this was not a good idea. The guy then who invited got off at his stop, but we did not go with him, coz THEN she decides to say no because i was upset.

The other guys then said that we could stay at their house and they bring us home the next morning. So that whole journey was a waste. The more we drove out the more I got scared coz i did not recognise any of the signs, and realised that we were on teh border of teh county. I was crying so much that even the taxi driver had to reassure me too, saying that the guys are nice.

We went to their house and stayed because my dumbo friend said how I needed some sleep. Again, I felt like screaming at her that i did not want sleep, I just wanted to go home.

Then found out the next day that she had sex with one of the guys. I stayed in the spare room all morning until we had to go, and while we were waiting in the sitting room, she kept saying to the guy that "i want a hug" loads of times in a babyish voice. It was so embaressing.

She was saying how it's not a big deal, how you will be doing this type of thing in college (shes 20, im 19) and she won't let anything happen to me. She left me alone in that room the whole night, where any of these guys could have came in to me and did stuff i did not want, and this is teh same girl who says she got raped three times. Three times, and still does **** like this.


I need to know honestly, did I overeact to all this, is this something people do, go back to complete strangers houses? Or was I right to be upset and angry?

Another reason that I might have been crying was to do with the fact that she would not listen to me when I don't want to do stuff, but if she does not want to do stuff, I have to go along with her, because she is so stubborn and does not leave me alone until i give in.

Which is it, please be honest!! !

Oh yeah, and she says she gets drunk, but on TWO alcopops. Even after that, she is still herself. I have had stuff like vodka and beer, and was WAY more drunk then her, but even then I still had the common sense to realise that I did not want to go home with these guys.

No you are completely correct to feel upset. What your friend did was dangerous and irresponsible - anything could have happened to you or her in that situation. In the future if you decide you want to socialise with this friend again (although frankly if I were you I would ditch her) I would make your own arrangements to get home and be prepared to leave her to make her own bad decisions.

Happens all the time girls go back to guys houses and have sex.

From my perspective you didn't really flip out if it's not what you wanted to do.

The key for me is that you had no way home. If you had a car and got invited and you didn't go, I might consider that being a bit lame but having no way to get home is a legit concern.

Your friend was a jerk. She didn't think of the consequences about going to a strangers home, having no idea where it is, and having no transport back. You had every right to be upset and angry.

Next time if she does this, just make your own way home and if she gets herself into some trouble, then she can learn from her mistakes that not every guy she meets in a bar is simply after a bit of fun for one night.

This is normal behaviour I think. Many young people will go out, get drunk and wake up, look around and think: "Where am I?"

You did not overreact though because it was far away and you didn't know where you were going. Plus I think it was a bit much with you only being 2 girls and she made you go in a taxi with 5 lads you didn't know! That is a bit much.

But you live and learn and you will know better next time.

No you did not overreact. and It's good to make sure your friend knows these things, especially if she is lower functioning than you. It's never safe to go somewhere with strangers, especially in an unfamiliar city. And if your friend was hooking up with this guy, you would seriously be wise to suspect a "party" isn't going to be pinata's and pin the tail on the Donkey.

Next time, don't get on the bus. If your friend attempts to, try to stop her. If she isn't listening, and gets on, you should call the police or another authority figure to help.

1. You were right and your "friend" was wrong.

2. This girl is not your friend. Friends don't manipulate you to get their way, and don't put you in danger needlessly. You would be better off, and safer, if you dump her.

3. NEVER go off like that with guys you don't know again. If you do hang out with this twit again, do try to stop her if she tries to do this stupid and very dangerous thing again, but do NOT go with her if she insists on going off with strange guys again.

4. Write down the license number and description of the vehicle if she does it again, so you can notify the police if she disappears after going off with strangers.

5. From now on make your own transportation arrangements if you are going to continue going out with Miss Living Dangerously.

I realize that she is your one friend, but you really need to find other friends, as she really isn't your friend, she is just using you. Bars are a lousy place to hang out anyway, you need to cut down on the booze, and find nicer places to hang out, and nice people to hang out with. Here are some better places/ways to find new friends:

- Take courses, either in person, or online. Some of the online ones are free. The in person ones are a good way to meet people.

- Volunteer. There are people worse off than we are, who would really appreciate the help. It's also a good way to meet people, and boost your self image and mood.

- Take up a hobby or join a club. These are good ways to meet people who share your interests.

- Get involved in community activities. Attend town meetings, events at local libraries and other local organizations. Attend local sporting events, fairs, and art shows. Attend and/or participate in local theater groups. Attend events held at local houses of worship. These are all great ways to meet people and boost your self image and mood.

Now go find some real friends!

No, you did not overreact. What you were experiencing was worry and fear that the two of you could have been hurt or killed. You were not having a panic attack, but a conscience telling you that this situation was wrong.

As for your friend, there maybe room some some consideration as to whether you would like to continue being friends with this person and continue to let her drag you down or be alone and look into joining some clubs where you meet others with similar interests.

It's risky behavior, but not abnormal. What happened to her in the past might be why she behaves like this now. If there is a next time, tell her you don't want to go off with strangers, why you (or neither of you) should go, and that you absolutely are going home and she ought to come with you.
It doesn't sound like the two of you are a good match though. Her risky behavior endangers you, and clearly you don't think much of her--you've insulted her multiple times. You also seem to depend on her a lot (you can protect yourself and make your own decisions), which isn't necessarily bad, but that's a role she's unfit for.
Consider ending or reducing the friendship. Having a bad friend is worse than having no friends.

You may need to look for some physical support groups for people with Asperger's where you can meet other people like yourself who you can relate too. I agree with Lellipses here as it sounds like you are not happy with this friend and need to start looking elsewhere.

Again, this is someone who will bring you down as a person and that is not healthy. If she wants to ruin her life, fine. You, however, don't. As for party situation, it could have been a lie and you could have very well been taken into another city to be forced in trafficking. Then again, I do not know the situation.

Did you overreact? No.

What you need to learn to do is be more assertive. Tell your friend "No, I'm not going to the party." "Why?" "I don't want to." "Well you're just lame/need to make more friends/blah blah" and just end the conversation. Even if you're with her, just leave her and call your mom up or something for a ride in your situation. Again, it's assertiveness. So it's not so much that you overreacted, it's more that you reacted late.

I have friends a bit like this, too, that other people don't really like because they're....crazy. With those kinda people, you have to be firm as all hell in your intentions. Get mad, these kinda people cannot "hear" words, they only "hear" emotions, so if they do something that pisses you off, get mad.

But yeah, assertiveness.