How old were you..

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Hey - How old were you when you figured out why you did things?

I ask Brendon a lot - why he does this or that - the question asking thread made me think, because I have asked him why he asks so many questions. I mean- the logical answer is that he wants answers- to EVERYTHING - but I have gotten frustrated and told him 'damn man, I DONT know EVERYTHING'. In retrospect, he has asked how I know so much.

Anyways - I ask why he asks so many questions - he said "i dont know"
I ask why he makes faces that tick his sister off, he says 'i dont know'.
Every time I ask why he does something, he says I dont know.
Does he really not know, or does he really not want to answer?

If it helps, think 10 years old, 4th grade. Thanks in advance.

HEY, do YOU know why YOU do half the things YOU do??

Why does he make faces?

HEY, that is EASY! There is even a commercial here where a little girl ends the commercial with "Now that my brother is better, scary faces are making a BIG comeback!"

It is just Fun, Funny, and some kids do it affectionately. If he won't tell you, it is probably a show of affection.

HECK, I had an uncle that did the same with ME when I was a little kid.

As for the other things? He MIGHT be embarassed, feels you wouldn't understand, can't explain it, or doesn't know.

BTW I knew some things when I was practically born, and others I am still learning about. You ask an open ended question....

Steve

A lot of what we do has no conscious thought behind it.

When we groom ourselves, or go to the gym, or advance our careers we don't think "I am doing this so that I am a better mating prospect than other people and thus I shall have more children and my genes shall be passed to the next generation." But that is the REAL motive behind such things. I'm not talking concscious motives, I'm talking the motives that evolution has beaten into us for over millions of years.

I answer I don't know a lot of the time as a first answer, because it gives me time to stall and think of the actual answer. I don't use it mathematically, however. A likely situation is that he says I don't know, because he doesn't have the time and he probably doesn't actually want to know enough to actually know why, so he just says I don't know. Does that make sense?

I personally use the response 'I don't know' a lot in cases where I know, still. I'm 17 BTW. I do it simply because I don't feel like talking about the subject or to the person or sometimes just becuase I just don't want to talk. It's a getaway for me used only because I'm uncomfortable.

I started to think about why i did thinks when i was about 5.
I had to, did some stuff at school the teachers didn't agree with, and they wouldn't let me go until i answered them why i did something.

WOW Alicorn,

CYNICAL!! !!

With ME, I do it for that ALSO, but PRIMARILY....

groom-hygene, society, etc...

go to the gym-get stronger/healthier. I TRIED to meet people, but it doesn't really work for me. 8-(

Advance my career-more comfort/ability/recognition. I even took a job with a lot of travel partially to meet people. Didn't really work.

Steve

I tried to post this before so I don't know if it will be a double post or whatever:

I think "I don't know" is usually a safe answer - even though you can get in trouble for saying it if people assume you DO know logically it makes sense to you. It may be though that he truly does not understand WHAT you are asking or how to respond. Like it may seem fairly obvious that he must want to know about stuff if he asks so many questions about it - but that doesn't necessarily means he knows why he asks so many questions.

Also - I think this really may be the OCD - asking questions over and over again IS part of that. I have an OCD label myself and know I have to resist being so very annoying when I get stressed. It is because you feel compelled to ask someone else for reassurance. Like even if you have checked something several times you might ask someone else just to make sure and to help you stop thinking about it. Or I will ask stupid questions about if my husband thinks I have cleaned something sufficiently - which is usually way overdone (like we bought new glasses and I asked if twice handwashed and twice through the dishwasher was clean enough . Even if you know certain things (like how something works)you might want to ask again at another time to make sure you understood it right. In some OCD guides for families they tell them to not respond to their questions - but that always seemed cruel to me.

I still don't know why I do things.

I dunno.










(I think he really doesn't know.)

Sometimes people say "I don't know" because they are embarassed or don't want to talk about it. From my experience, as an aspie I would get embarassed about stupid things that normal people wouldnt.

I've done that a couple of times.

As far as I know, I thought I knew why I did things from a reasonably young age.

I knew why I did some things. I knew why I read the encyclopediae (to learn about things), but I didn't know why I did other things, like how I felt the need to count them, with the shiny gold numbers on the dark, dark green...

Actually, yes. I just don't always think about it before I do it. I have had to work on the 'why' aspect a LOT to learn to control my temper and also self mutilating tendencies. I just can't even seem to get a 'because I felt like it' out of him.

I mostly agree with the making faces is just fun thing - but it seems like he does it just to terrorize her and then when she screams at him she gets in trouble. For a long time, I thought she was lying about it, because he is generally SO damned not that kind of kid. I have had to get really sneaky to see how sneaky he is about taunting his sister. (it's kind of funny) A battle of wits with a 10 yr old, and I am unarmed most of the time.

I have always kind of wondered if it's a situation where he says it because if I am asking, he assumes that he is in trouble, therefore is embarrassed at doing something wrong, or trying to cover his buns.

Anyways, thanks for all the input!

ShariLynn,

There ARE different levels. He probably feels you wouldn't accept a "because I felt like it" response. Most don't consider that an answer.

WOW, I will NEVER understand the self mutilating behaviour. Oh well, my doctor couldn't understand why someone would want to commit suicide. I, at least, thought it was obvious. As I explained it, if I could simply switch myself off, I would.

HEY, THAT is one thing YOU could answer! Why DO you think about doing self mutilation?

Although that last question MIGHT make a point I really DO want to know.

Oh well, I have reasoned myself out of suicide a lot, and am almost out of any depression. Baring any more problems, I can build on the potential I have, and maybe be in a better situation next year!

Steve

from what I can get together on it, I have only done it when I was about to do something else that I didn't want to do, and somehow saw it as the lesssser of two evils - example:

My sister is a VERY pooor housekeeper, and has two very small kids. She has everything from a pile a dirty diapers on the floor to cat crap al over the place at any given time. Dishes sit for weeks, though she has a dishwasher. I took her to do laundry once and all of her clothes cost over 80.00 at the laundrymat in one sitting.

I went to help her clean one night, but wasn't finished (in my mind) with what I wanted to get done. My kids had to be in schooool the next day, and after leaving I felt very poorly about having left the job unfinished. Later when talking to her on the phone, I wanted to tear her a new a**hole about her house like that with her kids there, but I know when I do that, she isn't going to talk to me for a long time, so I cant keep up on how she is doing, and the kids. (She has bas bipolar also, but doesnt take her meds, so loses control quite often).

Between the feeling bad about not finishing, and the extreme urge to chew her out, it was eating me alive while she was on the phone, and it was like all I was hearing was 'blah blah blah..' I was working on my nails with a dremel type automatic nail tool at the time, and the next thing I knew, I had been working on carving a picture in my leg with this thing. I didn't even realize it was happening till I saw blood running down my leg after completing a nearly 4 in star, and some other stuff. You would think I would have had to be seeing, you cant draw without looking at what you're drawing, right? But, I don't remember that part. I never do. One day a may have a hand missing or something and blame it on someone else. (heh)

So the best I can say is that for me, it's a stimming kind of thing.. it happens to curb or suppress other things, so I know why it happens - the important part ater that is the avoidance of it..

I get suicidal sometimes - I can't say I know where you're coming from, but for me there has been a difference in not wanting to live any more vs. actually wanting to die. Yea, an off switch would be nice, good thing we dont come with them , I fear they wouldnt installl a 'back on' switch.

I just try to keep the perspective that things COULD ALWAYS be worse, one way or the other.

OK, I guess I can accept that.

I ONCE got side tracked, and my ARM was over the tip of a soldering GUN! The GUN had a tip that was shaped almost like a "V" and I had a WELT burned into my arm showing the WHOLE tip! That happened when I was like 8, and surprisingly healed quickly, and never left a scar. That was the ONLY such mistake I ever made in my life. The point is that I never felt it, and it didn't seem to affect me, until I saw it.

BTW when I was in highschool, some jerk tried to burn me with a lit cigarette. I decided I would show how little I cared. I let him burn me, in front of a half dozen witnesses, ALL OVER that arm! I had a huge welt running down my entire upper arm. I forget the excuse I gave others, but I made it sound like I just had a bad accident. Anyway, I tolerated THAT pain well, even though I was aware of it.

WHO KNOWS, maybe some of the pain receptors for my skin just moved to places like my eyes and ears. Apparantly, "normal" people don't have that kind of control over pain. But that IS just pain. I could feel a fly if it lands on my arm, and I can feel my fingerprints.

So I guess I could see how your "stim" can progress, and they ARE automatic, even if they are voluntary.

SO, do you stop when you realize what you are doing?

BTW this only explains it on ONE level! I have researched, and have, stims, and have been a first party to INCREDIBLE feats of pain management, so I understand, to a degree, where you are coming from. Another person would push you farther and say WHY do you do this subconciously? If you don't stop, WHY don't you stop?

Steve