Pushing people away...

Post Reply New Topic

My main issues at present are with my love life...

Whenever I meet someone new, and have bit of a crush - I just seem to go mental.

I can't stop thinking about them, what they are doing, if they are thinking about me, if they have told their friends about me, imagining the (near) future - staying over meeting friends etc, I want to text them all the time, get angry when they don't say what I wanted them to say, then instantly forget about being angry when something nice comes afterwards.

I try to be cool, not to text so much and be calm - but I just get too excited and just feel like; if you like someone, why would you want to pretend that you don't and play hard to get?

I want you - I'm not ashamed to say it everyday because its the truth, I like talking to you lots and getting to know you, I like to tell you I am thinking about you 'cos I'd love to hear that from you.

But the above just seems to scare people... and maybe it would scare me too if I was on the receiving end of it - but I've never experienced it. I so rarely have someone interested in me, and being nice that I just fall too quickly I guess.

Have you ever tried writing about your person of interest? I've had people obsessions, and I know how intense they can be. Keeping a notebook where you can just spill all of your thoughts about the person is a great way to relieve these thoughts.

As well, when the person comes up and it's interfering with something else you're trying to do, it's important to try recognizing this and immediately switch to something that isn't going to trigger the thought. Picturing a huge stop sign and then immediately switching to another activity helps. For example, if you are looking up pictures and videos of the person, get off the internet and go read a book instead.

I'm the same as this, just simply chatting with a girl over facebook who goes to my school or even someone I hardly know, I can fall for them.
Just from talking to them, a general conversation...
Ofcause this usually results in me becoming quite obsessive and becoming angry whenever I don't have there full 'attention', for example when they flirt with other guys... Even though, I'm not in a relationship with them?

So yep, I have the same... Just a lot worse.

This.

Also, it helps to set limits and keep to them. For example, if you're texting them, tell yourself you can only text them once every [x amount of time] and put your phone away in between so that it doesn't sit there crying out to be used. Write yourself sticky notes to remind yourself of your "rules" and put them in places where you'll see them if you get tempted. If necessary, add to these notes the reasons why you are setting the limit-- namely, what you said above about how overdoing it scares people off. If you don't know what a reasonable limit is, ask someone else what they would do, e.g. how often they would be texting. You can't necessarily change how you feel, but you can change how you act on the feeling.

Hope this helps; I know it's hard. I've gotten the same way over a few people in the past and it feels like sh!t, especially when they don't reciprocate. Perhaps remind yourself as well that you've felt this way before and will feel this way again, so letting this particular infatuation take over your life might be unreasonable.

DyL & thisaintnoparty
Give it time. It's your hormones speaking. You will get used to it, know how to handle it. You just need practise.
And my advice... keep yourself busy. With sport, work, friends. The more you do, the more "hormones" will be consumed by that activity. And only a little remains for people obsession. And very important, do not hang out only with "him" or little circle of people. Do not spend nights at chat with him or them. Distribute distribute distibute your time among as many people and activities as you can.

Former people addict have spoken

Both excellent suggestions. I've always been a fan of the Diary Against Distractions idea, but srsly texting people to any degree is relatively new to me. There has been someone I'm interested in, and he initiated more than the occasional Like on a Facebook post between us by messaging me, and later offering his number, but I've resorted to the Text in X Time method. The irony is, I think he might be one of us, if undiagnosed. So I am trying not to come on too strong, because as someone that has done the same when approached with too much/too soon, I can tell he pulls back.

Glad I am not the only one - I get the exact same, and I know deep down that I'm being silly, but can't help my feelings, just do all I can to suppress them. Like many people have said, keep busy with other things.

I am lucky that I have a great group of friends that I will call when I'm having an episode and they will laugh with me at the pettiness of my argument and tell me what 'normal' people would do, and how they would be feeling which helps me with my next steps.




Thank you too - I completely agree, I definitely need to face this more to get myself a norm. Like I said above, I do my best to call a friend, or do something else and try to keep my mind off it, but thats not always possible, but a good starting ground.

Have been in a bit of a shell for, well all my life and after getting out of a huge relationship and seeing a bit more of the world - I feel like I am going to make this year, and hopefully further years ones to remember and become a total extrovert and do things I wouldn't usually do and take risks... hopefully that will take time away from my mind playing all these tricks on me.


Really happy I joined you know... only been two days and already feeling sunshine inside myself.

I like all the suggestions here.

I've had a horrible problem with this, and have experiences of coming on too strong when interested in someone.

One thing I try to remind myself is that even though my endorphins are saying I'm in love with them--I don't KNOW them well enough to be in love with them. It's not some "love at first sight"--it's JUST a crush.

Then, I try to remind myself that I am only human and have flaws, and that they are also human and have flaws.

By now, I've learned that it's best to just flirt and be casual. It can be scary if you have a lot of anxiety around the person--but I've really benefited by learning about subtle, appropriate ways to show interest and friendliness.

That way--since the person you're interested in isn't at the stage that you are, you will pique their interest and they may end up moving to that stage, where they will gladly appreciate your explicit expressions of interest.

However, even if you can successfully do this, it's not all fun and games--because you don't want them, you think you want them. Moving slowly in a relationship is always important, because you don't know who they are inside--and so you still need to be careful to move slowly and watch for compatibility or red flags.

I successfully "got" an obsession person, and was overjoyed--until I realized it was one of the worst mistakes in my life. You always have to remember that it's just endorphins, not a free pass for love.

I'm currently going through a crush, so I feel your pain. I can't even sleep. Half the time I'm fantasizing about how wonderful it would be to... and the other half I'm sick of it and want to crawl out of my skin. I think for me right now, keeping a focus on myself and my life is essential. That's who's going to be there for sure--not the subject of the crush.

l can totally relate to you SO much and pretty how I am on a regular basis it seems like and just recently have learned that I want more people in my life and how people obessing and being social is one thing but being "hooked" on one person alone can definitely push boundaries and as an aspie myself at 24, I am learning how to set my own boundaries and relearning how to make friends and at some point I hope to find the right man for my life..but right now its not happening...I haate that feeling where you feel SO empty inside or theres that compulsive feeling where theres nothing left to do or you get SO pissed where u just wanna SCREAM....Ive gotten better but now speaking from experience I have been hurt and its not easy and I WANT friends and making connections is SO tough and telling ppl I have ASD isnt easy either....