Does anyone feel like their parents don't care or love them?

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My parents make me feel like they don't care. They don't seem to enjoy talking to me and usually don't try to say anything, but I can tell they aren't listening either from the glazed look in their eyes. My dad interrupts me in conversations-sometimes mid-sentence. They seem to just tolerate me because I'm there and they have to. One time, I self-injured (nothing serious-cut was superficial) and my mom caught me. She really didn't seem to care, and whenever I need help, she just says "I don't know" or asks "What do you want me to do about it?" I don't even try with my dad anymore-gave up because I'm 99% sure he doesn't care. I've told them that certain things they do hurt my feelings, but they ignore me and keep doing them. Anyone else have this problem? If so, can you give me tips on how to deal with it?

I know how you feel. I sometimes felt like I had issues and when I tried to talk to them about it, I just didn't get anywhere with them. I don't think they understood me at all. Of course, autism spectrum disorders weren't understood as well back then.

All I can say is the more independent and self sufficient you can make yourself, the better off you'll be. If you still live at home, you can start by helping around the house if you're not already. It'll do a lot of good, and your parents might respect you for it.

I firmly believe some of these parents are undiagnosed on the spectrum themselves. They are functional on their jobs, but a little too clueless for parenting.
My husband is on the specturm and loves his son very much... but sometimes, he is by all external measures a cold-hearted non-chalant father.

^ Probably the origin of the "refrigerator mother" theory.

My parents are not bad people, but are limited in certain (like the above poster mentions) ways. When I was a kid I felt like the OP, though.

Well, I do help around the house. I have good grades, stay out of trouble, and am going into my second year of college one year before I'm supposed to go to college. The thing is that they don't listen to me ( not as in take my advice but as in hear what I say). They also show very little consideration for my feelings ( i.e. flying off the handle at me when I ask them a question they don't want to answer and then not letting me say anything about the subject before I can say ANYTHING. ) The ironic thing is my little sister blatantly disrespects them in public and at home, does nothing around the house, and frequently disobeys them, but they are very nice to her. I really don't think I can get their respect, because I really think they don't care about me.

Throughout my life I've always felt like my parents cared about me but for the past half year I've truly come to question if they do. This year in general has been very rough, at times I felt like my parents cared more than ever but I'm starting to feel like its all just a big subterfuge that's falling apart. When I got my diagnosis I thought my family would become more pro-active and involved, Mom even signed up for painting classes with me but now she never goes and it sucks being alone yet I'm lucky its a tiny class (6 people). Also with how stuff is going in my family, especially with my older sister being pregnant, I feel like I've been shuffled under the rug. I was kind of excited to have a therapist to talk to but my parents wouldn't even take me for my 2nd appointment and my last one only lasted 15 minutes and involved doubling my med dosage. I've even gone back to cutting myself and literally ran away about 4 miles a few weeks ago and no one knew I was gone until my grandmother called and my parents didn't even care.

I did some stuff on facebook too that actually elicited a mild reaction from relatives and my dad just forced me to remove what I said or face being kicked out into the yard or being forced into a group home. Meanwhile my kleptomaniac sister is untouchable, manipulative, only comes to my parents when she needs money and stole my DS, all my games (ps3 and DS) as well as some other stuff. She didn't even call to wish me happy birthday yesterday, but oh no I can't complain about my sister or I get more threats .

So yeah, I feel really unloved lately. Combine that with the fact I got nada for my birthday and my parents told me that any card I get from grandma with money has to be given to them.

I know what you mean. Parents can be really heartless. Are you old enough to move out or maybe allowed to move in with your grandmother?

I've had this problem as well. The only thing I can suggest is what Aharon said about being independent.

I am independent and my parents have a very limited role in my life. I talk to them only a few times a month at most, and even then, we fight like cats and dogs. When I look for emotional support, my mom would rather have an argument with me. I think she may be on the spectrum and in denial. But it still hurts, even today when I want to have more support in my life than just my boyfriend.

That's another thing, if you could find people in your life to rely on in the place of your parents, then you will feel more secure.

Uh but in case your relationship with your parents is still salvageable (unlike mine), you can try counseling. I had been in counseling for a while, and spent quite a bit of time mulling over my relationship with my parents. My counselor offered other ways I could react to their problematic behaviour, that may make them rethink how their actions affect me. This did work, though after a bit, it seemed as if I was doing all the work in the relationship, and my parents were just feeding off my energy, but happy to see me bend over backwards for them.

I also had a psychologist who believed that parents in the end want the best for their kids. I told her about my parents, and then she had a meeting with them. She suggested that they go to family counseling, which may work for yours. In went in one ear and out the other for my parents, though.

I was always under the impression that my parents don't care about me. My dad always told me obvious facts that I knew when I was in kindergarten, as though I was unintelligent. He never did that to my sister. My mum was always after me for talking about my special interests. Both of my parents hated me because I speak with a Cockney accent, even though I was born and raised in Canada by Canadian parents and grandparents. There was even one summer that I couldn't even say anything without my heartless parents saying something nasty whenever I said something. I asked why they don't just kill me if they hated my accent that much.

Things didn't change very much after I moved out. There was one time that I spent the week with my parents a few years ago, in early October. That was a big mistake. My mum wanted me to be more of a Canadian than I was capable of at that time. She also threatened to put me in the hospital because all I did was listen to The Kinks on YouTube that whole week that I was there. I even got back at my mum for comparing me to Mick Avory in a taunting manner 11 years before when my depression and anxiety was twice as bad, by telling her that he's my favourite Kink and that he always has been. Followed by showing off my face to her. When Pete Quaife - the original bassist for The Kinks passed away and I told my mum the news, she said "They're old....people don't last forever!" I didn't visit my mum on any weekend that fell between the 25th and the 28th of any month for a year and a half after that. My parents have always treated my NT sister three years my juniour with more more respect.

Unfortunately, one doesn't get to pick one's parents.

My dad has made essentially zero effort to contact or communicate with me for nearly 30 years now. No phone call, no email, no mail, no nothing. Last time he moved, he didn't even tell any of his family at all. I still send him cards (Birthday, Father's Day, Christmas) - always have, ... though sometimes I wonder why, or if I should bother to.

Anyway, you grow up, you become independent - or at least less dependent upon one's parents. If they love you and well care for you, great. If not, well, we all get - and don't get - what we get - luck of the draw, essentially. Sometimes too, it may be matter of perception, and/or what they are/aren't capable of. I've never really gotten any indications that my dad doesn't love me (and my sister). But, as far as actually being able and capable of showing that ... well, that's quite another matter. And while it quite recently came to my attention that I'm very likely aspie, soon after that I realized it's even much more highly probable my dad is, and likely suffers from it much more severely than I.

Yes. We share a mutual hatred of each other.

I felt this way in my teens. My parents would get mad at me for my anxiety, mom get mad at me for having to perform my routines of cleaning because I liked a clean house, they get mad at me for getting stressed out over my brothers having too many friends over and making too much noise and messes, they let my brothers have parties and they get mad at me for getting stressed out and having anxiety, they left their messes around and didn't care if they bothered me. I just felt they didn't care. Then mom thought there was nothing she could do about it. Bull s**t, just stop making messes and start picking up after yourselves and stop letting your sons have parties and having so many people over all the time and being loud. I told her this at 16 and she would go "Oh Beth."


Yep give them tough love and not give a s**t and have them suck it up to get used to it. That is what having autism is all about folks. let them have anxiety, let them get stressed out, let them get upset because they have to learn to deal with it and get used to it and suck it up.


Yeah I still have them in my life and am letting them move in with us soon. I think they did me a big favor anyway.

I feel you, this is similar to what happens to me and my family. They talk about stuff that has to do with their jobs, or gossiping about other people, anything that NT's say. When I talk to them about my favorite topics, such as historical events, anything related to art or nature, they cut me off mid-sentence like they're not interested and it irritates me because I want them to know. My grandmother is the one who seems interested but I can tell when she's bored of all my information. One of my neighbors calls me "The professor who knows."

I know my parents love me, they just never told me that, but I know they care because they worry about me. My family says I'm "abnormal" because I can't socialize. I do feel left out. I'm the oldest of two siblings and I feel like they're better than me and that my family prefers them the most. I hate to be ignored or interrupted when I'm speaking. The only thing I can say is that we can't cure who we are because we were born to be unique. Just know that you're smart in a variety of things. That's why I joined Wrong Planet because I feel like I can be myself here, it's a way of coping with my life.

My dad cared a lot about me, but he's gone now. I'm stuck with my mom who doesn't give one whit about me. She always cusses at me over the tiniest things, and yet when she does these things, she's beyond reproach. I can't wait for her to find a boyfriend so I can get the hell away from her.

i feel you on that....with my family its weird....as a family, we have gone through alot of BS in the past few years, deaths, prison, divorce, etc...and the way they treat me i hate it, yet at the same time i know its not entirely their fault. Often times there utterly aloof as to whats going on and how their actions affect others, but other times there very nice and caring, but for the most part it feels like i only know there depressed, angry, hurt, resentful side, that im not sure of when its really them, or when its the BS there going through thats talking...

im not saying its right for our parents to do what they do and be distant and almost seem like they hate us, just, honestly, i dont think they even know what to do most of the time that they get frustrated, thats not to say some people arent just flat out terrible parents, just that i guess we forget that sometimes....As our parents, they dnt wanna really see us "suffer" with our conditions, they may want us to live a "normal" happy life, but then by whose definition r we going by? theirs or ours?

idk, with all the BS me n my mom go through, i spend alot of time thinking about the relationship between children and parents....

Yes. I'm sure my family resented me much of the time.