Why the hell do people always think i'm a guy?! !

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I'm a woman and posted in another forum (not WP). Asked for advice. Mistakenly forgot to put my gender. I did not have to say a **** thing but everyone assumed i'm a male. Great, well-thought out advice to my relationship questions but it was a waste because they gave advice as if i were male so now i have to repost the same **** question over again and probably not get the same great people who advised the first time. Oh well

/end of rant (thanks for listening).....

Has this ever happened to you, where people think you're the opposite gender online?????

PS. Is this an Aspie trait, to not give off the correct "gender vibes"??????

It happens to me all the time, and I take it as a compliment. I'm a female, but I strongly identify as male.

You can always use a feminine avatar since it's obviously an issue.

It's just the default gender to assign to an anonymous in most people's minds.

You have to remember that Autism is diagnosed far more frequently in males than in females. Thus, it is easier to assume someone on an autism related forum is male than female. I agree with the suggestion to use a female avatar and would add that you should try using a female sounding screen name. It will help clear up any ambiguity. Failing that, put your gender in your signature.

I'm sorry that happens to you as you find it problematic

I don't really know how else to prevent it other than, as others have said, using a feminine avatar, or mentioning you are female.

It's okay, most people think I'm a guy online, too. Hehe, I've kind of gotten over it though since it's happened enough.

I don't know that it's strictly an autistic issue, but perhaps it could have some influence. Hm.

It's not an Aspie thing so much as an internet thing. You can advertise your gender clearly and people will still assume you're male because you're on the internet. I stopped even trying to correct most people because I dislike the conversations that often ensue.

I think Sparx' post makes it sound more benign than it really is. In my experience the assumption sometimes leads to a general hostility toward women, or specifically toward women on the internet. I have run into the attitude in several places wherein guys will argue with a straight face that women who insist on being recognized as women are just seeking attention. And that's probably the kindest characterization I've come across.

It's hard to tell who is a guy or not. I always assume someone is a man unless they specify they have a boyfriend, then I assume they are a woman. If someone says they have a wife or girlfriend, I assume they are a man. If they have a female avatar or a girly name, I automatically assume they are a woman. I have been mistaken as a man online and I never let it offend me. How can they tell if I don't have girl in my name or something feminine? Plus I always try and check profiles to see if they are a male or female.

But yet some people take offense to it they feel the need to insult you.

But the weird thing is even if you do have your gender listed or have girl in your name or anything feminine, someone will still assume you are a guy. But people pretend to be female all the time online or claim to be female because that is how they feel on the inside so they specify a gender that is misleading. There is no gender to list as transsexual or as transgender.

That's because transgender isn't a gender, it's a condition. When you're gender and sex match, you're normal; when your gender and sex don't match, you're transgendered. Someone with male anatomy might portray as a woman online because they identify as female, in which case the female gender is accurate. Or they may just like the attention, or enjoy deceiving people; it happens. In that case it's misleading.

Also avatars, names, having a boyfriend or girlfriend aren't adequate indicators either. Generally, I leave each person in a gender neutral state until I have reason to move them out.

I think so too. In online games I frequently get mistaken for a male even if I have a female character and even when I didn't even type anything. Some newbies addressed me as "sir" but I think that's cute.

Avatars are often useless. On a lot of forums I read, a lot of guys have avatars with women in them, and tend to flip out a bit when they're taken as female.

I also do not think that people take offense just because they want to insult you.



I think the "pretending to be female" thing is way overstated. Also, if a transgender or transsexual woman lists her gender or sex as "woman" or "female" that's not a misleading gender. There are many valid reasons that someone may not have started transition while presenting as the correct gender online, and I suspect none of them are anyone else's business. Transsexual and transgender are also not genders.

As far as assumptions go, I try to find out before using pronouns. If I cannot find any sign of the person's gender, I will simply use singular "they."

I personally use gender neutral pronouns if I'm not sure, and I don't assume someone's gender until they reveal it somehow, or unless it's on their profile. I also find that I just in general very often use gender neutral pronouns.

By my avatar and signature alone, most people would assume I'm a guy. Most Rush fans (and rock fans in general) are male. That's ok... Guys have good taste in music and I prefer male bands.

Sorry I probably wasn't clear. I have seen people get offended online the would throw out insults such as calling you stupid because you got their gender wrong.


I still feel mislead when someone puts in their wrong gender. To me your gender is your outside, not how you feel. I know one forum I go to that bans you if you do that and they don't care how you feel on the outside, they have low tolerance for liars. Of banned members I see there, 90% of the time it's for lying about age or lying or multiple account. So yes if you put in the wrong birth date to protect your identity, you get banned for it because it's seen as lying about your age. They are very strict there and surprisingly I have not had any troubles there except for with other users. Well that is because I don't lie. I am sure people there still lie and get away with it because they are careful and they keep their stories straight and their facts. One of my aspie friends have been hurt by so many of these men who claim to be female and he would believe he was talking to a female and then find out they have a penis and they were just a sissy, not a real female. They liked being a little girl so they dressed up in little girl clothes their size. So honestly I feel angry about it too. I just wish they be more honest like say they are bio male but they are female on the inside or just say they are transgender so that way people will know they are not a real female.

People do the same with age too, they will claim to be an age they are not because that is how they feel on the inside but to me that is so misleading. I feel lied to when they do that. On a forum I go to, they have real age in profile and fake age in profile so members there are able to list their real age and their age they feel or role playing age.

Last edited by League_Girl on 21 Jul 2012, 3:50 am, edited 1 time in total.

Ermmm....no. Noone else has the right to define anyone's gender but the person themselves. If you're biologically female but feel like a male you have every right to identify as a male and to expect people to treat you like a male. And the other way around.

My usernames make everyone think I'm a girl. I'm a woman, but I don't mind one bit if people think I'm male.