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Metaljordy
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24 Jul 2012, 2:53 pm

Every girl I liked, who I truly thought liked me, had no interest in me. I've tried online dating, but every girl on the site ignores me. Is there something wrong with me?
I need some help.


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MightyMorphin
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24 Jul 2012, 3:13 pm

I think we just have to get used to the fact that dating sites are full of douchebags that are only looking for one type of person or one thing - hook ups.

Me, I want serious, but not so serious.



Drakeman
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24 Jul 2012, 3:38 pm

The dating world is full of a lot of BS and it isn't easy for anyone. NT, AS, virgins, whores... everyone has their troubles. If they can find a girl that likes them, then they have to work to keep them. If they work to keep them, then you'll have to encounter other common social pitfalls like cheating and keeping your partner happy.

Now, assuming you are looking at this from an AS perspective, we do have a few more hurdles to climb. That is to be expected with our social awkwardness when you are doing something instinctual. If you really want a girlfriend and aren't trying to find one out of societal pressure, the first place to start is improving your social skills by talking with people. Forget about a girlfriend for the time being... just go talk with guys or maybe even a girl or two you aren't interested. Try to build a good network of friends around you. If you already have a network of friends, expand out even more and make some new ones. Chances are, a few of those people will know of some girls that might be of interest to you. Once you've done that, read up on the behavior of dating. There are thousands of articles to reference out there on Google. After that, it's simply a matter of perseverance.

I think if you do all of that above, you'll eventually find someone. Personally, I'm not looking for a girlfriend bad enough to go do a bunch of stuff I don't like doing. But after watching countless people over the years develop relationships, I think that formula roughly works for just about everyone. It is a lot of hard work though, admittedly.



PastFixations
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24 Jul 2012, 3:40 pm

Not saying you do but maybe it's possible that you unintentionally put yourself out too much in their face and it might have been intimidating to them?
Mind the issue could be that you only sent one message in hope they would respond immediately?
I'm not judging you at all... please don't be offended. I'm just trying to see if you are persistant or laid back when it comes to contacting them in both methods?


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Metaljordy
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24 Jul 2012, 3:55 pm

PastFixations wrote:
Not saying you do but maybe it's possible that you unintentionally put yourself out too much in their face and it might have been intimidating to them?
Mind the issue could be that you only sent one message in hope they would respond immediately?
I'm not judging you at all... please don't be offended. I'm just trying to see if you are persistant or laid back when it comes to contacting them in both methods?


I only send one message to people, if they don't reply, I know they aren't interested.


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Your Aspie score: 94 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 87 of 200
You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits
I am surprised


PastFixations
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24 Jul 2012, 4:37 pm

Metaljordy wrote:
I only send one message to people, if they don't reply, I know they aren't interested.

I see your point but could it also be possible to send another after a certain length of time... say a week/month and see if any responses return.
It's worth a shot, right?


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The_Face_of_Boo
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24 Jul 2012, 5:00 pm

It only means that you don't look good-looking enough, find ways to enhance that first if you wanna get any chance in online dating.



MXH
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24 Jul 2012, 5:02 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
It only means that you don't look good-looking enough, find ways to enhance that first if you wanna get any chance in online dating.

pretty much this. Though whatever ways you use to look better make sure they dont sell something that isnt true, otherwise it will be worse than them not replying at all.



DialAForAwesome
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24 Jul 2012, 5:04 pm

Drakeman wrote:
The dating world is full of a lot of BS and it isn't easy for anyone. NT, AS, virgins, whores... everyone has their troubles


I'm sorry, I can't agree with this part. Only the "weird" people have any real troubles. The others who DO get in trouble in these situations are the ones who brought the trouble on themselves. Cheating, sleeping around, what have you.


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Metaljordy
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24 Jul 2012, 5:12 pm

Thank you everyone for your help.
I'll keep it all in mind, thanks ^.^


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Your Aspie score: 94 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 87 of 200
You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits
I am surprised


Drakeman
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24 Jul 2012, 5:26 pm

DialAForAwesome wrote:
Drakeman wrote:
The dating world is full of a lot of BS and it isn't easy for anyone. NT, AS, virgins, whores... everyone has their troubles


I'm sorry, I can't agree with this part. Only the "weird" people have any real troubles. The others who DO get in trouble in these situations are the ones who brought the trouble on themselves. Cheating, sleeping around, what have you.


And what happens to the partner of the person who screwed up? They didn't ask for the trouble to be brought upon themselves. In a relationship, your partner's problems become your own. Even if you do everything right. That is an inherit risk when you enter a relationship.

Everyone has their own issues to deal with in life. It goes beyond your partner making a mistake. Outside events such as financial difficulties or family issues can screw things up for both you and your partner. Relationships are (supposedly) there to help deal with these issues as a team instead of by yourself.



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24 Jul 2012, 7:36 pm

I think a key thing to ask yourself before approaching any dating is this, and make sure you know the answers too.
1. Do I know who I really am?
2. Where am I going with my life?
3. What do I really want out of dating/relationships? (quick things, short-term, long-term, etc.)
4. Do I sense any attraction?

And of course, you cannot force attraction. It just happens.



Metaljordy
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24 Jul 2012, 7:44 pm

aspiemike wrote:
I think a key thing to ask yourself before approaching any dating is this, and make sure you know the answers too.
1. Do I know who I really am?
2. Where am I going with my life?
3. What do I really want out of dating/relationships? (quick things, short-term, long-term, etc.)
4. Do I sense any attraction?

And of course, you cannot force attraction. It just happens.


1-3 I can do easily, 4 ugh


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Your Aspie score: 94 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 87 of 200
You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits
I am surprised


MXH
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24 Jul 2012, 7:46 pm

aspiemike wrote:
And of course, you cannot force attraction. It just happens.

stockholm syndrome



aspiemike
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24 Jul 2012, 7:55 pm

MXH wrote:
aspiemike wrote:
And of course, you cannot force attraction. It just happens.

stockholm syndrome


OK. To solve all of your problems, just kidnap the girl you want. lol



MXH
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24 Jul 2012, 7:57 pm

aspiemike wrote:
MXH wrote:
aspiemike wrote:
And of course, you cannot force attraction. It just happens.

stockholm syndrome


OK. To solve all of your problems, just kidnap the girl you want. lol

sadly i dont think police like that method very well :lol: