What

Post Reply New Topic

Please f her needing to learn to understand AS. She does.

With all due respect, it sounds as if you are in an abusive situation. I'd get out as soon as possible. If she is aware of AS and is some position of "taking care of you", then she is being deliberately manipulative. What disorder does she claim to have, if you mind my asking?
If you look at this in a "big picture" sort of way, you may see that you will be better off without her. She may trigger you and manipulate you a very bad way that could get you in a lot of trouble.
My husband has "head issues" too and if I want to respect him, I don't touch him. plain and simple. Make it very clear that your face and any touching during a meltdown is off limits, no exceptions.

Is the computer yours or hers?

Your girlfriend does sound like she has Border-line Personality Disorder or perhaps Narcissistic PD?Have you read up on either of this?She sounds like she may also realize that there is a power imbalance and you "need" her but dont really love her?That can make any women a little on the b**chy side.Being passive aggressive is what people do who are afraid to be out right aggressive...but wish they could.

I wish I could say that her behavior is so outrageous that I cant imagine it...unfortunately(for my ex's)I relate all to well to her insecurity of wanting to know why you need to get away from her.I was in this situation to many times.My personal insecurities made me very needy.Anytime my SO needed some time away,I assumed it meant they were sick of me or if they were with friends,that they would end up finding someone better.You do seem to be ambiguous about your feelings for her and she probably is picking up on this.In my defense I would like to add I wouldnt encroach on a SO physical space or insult them....I am pretty empathetic for an "aspie".

I dont really have any good advice,other then eventual independence for you.I will leave you with a joke you might relate to?


"What do you call an....Aspie,a punk,a drummer(fill in the blank)without a girlfriend?"




"homeless"


(I supported my fair share of musicians and punks,in my day)

Good-luck.

When my husband didn't accept the way I am, I divorced him. It was very hard, but I couldn't stand it anymore.

Hey, this is my first 'input' to this site, and sorry but I'm an NT. However, my husband and my daughter are aspies.

My husband and I are lucky, we have both learnt over time how best to cope with each other. He has told me what works when (to relax, he wants his face stroked, but if he is in meltdown, I know he needs special handling, and only hand touching and quiet voice). I also know that when we fight (we don't do it much any more - he just goes off and plays with his *** phone), there is no sense even talking to him. He doesn't hear anything yelled at him, his brain just switches off (I wish I was an aspie!! !). We talk honestly the next day - and he listens and understands better than any NT man I have met.

I also have a family with some very manipulative - I can only call it SELFISH - people and I can assure you that there is no way any aspie can survive in a relationship with someone like that!

If you have told your girlfriend what works and what doesn't work, and she is still behaving like this, then she DOES need more help than you.

Aspie's are not easy to live with for us NT's, without honesty and understanding it is virtually impossible and MANIPULATIVE PEOPLE (and the world is full of them) are an absolute no go zone for aspie's - it is hard enough for NT's to tell when they are being manipulated, it is impossible for aspie's. AND THEY ALWAYS BREAK YOUR HEART!! !!

you're not alone. My 2nd wife just left me because she couldn't figure me out either. I've told her a hundred times about my syndrome but all she would believe is that I'm lazy and don't care, which of course is completely the opposite.

She also says that she'll kill herself if I leave. f**k. It's not that I don't support myself at all--well, I get SSI and foodstamps and am working on getting a job (seriously, I am). I also go to all the counseling I can get--that is, when she feels like waking up to take me. I'm working very hard to become more functional and independant, while she not only ignores my efforts but seems to actually be regressing herself. I'm scared that I'm not strong enough to leave her. Going through difficult times with someone creates a strong bond whether you want that bond or not, and we've been through a lot together.

There's also the fact that big transitions are very, very difficult for me (and most ASpie's). f**k.

Hey Mesius, if she is pulling the 'I'll kill myself if you leave me' stunt, she definately has her own problems, and is manipulating you. Even if you give her the benefit of the doubt on the manipulation thing, she needs help.

I know it will be hard to go it alone, but maybe even a break from things will help you decide what you NEED and the kind of support you need.

Whether NT or Aspie, the kind of drain on your relationship resources (and yes they are finite for us all) cannot be sustained. I don't believe that aspies are selfish (I believe there is a big difference between selfish and self focussed) - I DO HOWEVER BELIEVE THAT A LOT OF NT'S ARE. I have a Grad Dip in Counselling and don't believe you can ever sustain a successful relationship with a selfish person - no matter who you are.

Don't fall into the trap of thinking this is the best you can get, and therefore you need to stay and make it work. Someone said it before - this relationship seems to be an abusive situation. You both need to be working at it, and if you don't see give and take starting (from both of you), it won't get better.

Sorry....the joke was meant as a joke because your avatar reminded me of several guys I used to hang with,hope it didnt offend didnt really mean to imply that you were a "bum".I also used to be homeless and dont recommend it as a goal.

I used to be a "relationship hoar" so I am hardly one to judge anyone.I never felt complete without a relationship and the sheer terror of being without kept me in some unhealthy ones.Irony is, I loved doing my own thing and hated any one controlling me,so it was always push-pull.I have been the "clingy" dont leave me or I will die...and the,completely emotionally shut-down,cant leave soon enough person.I had this happen with people I still really like " as people" but just no longer felt that "obsessive love" with,and it confussed the hell out of people,and myself.Now I think it was part of my AS.I didnt "love" the people....I idealized them...they were my "object" of obsession.When the obsession was over.....(as happens with some aspie obsessions)...the relationship was over.I had to go look for a new obsession(if one hadnt already started)...one cold hearted bit**.


Are you sure your girlfriend isnt AS?It maybe harder to tell with females.When I was "partying" drinking and drugging from 16-26....I appeared alot more social and it covered many of my sensory issues.If thats not the situation with her,I would still recommend you look into the border-line PD.I have a lot of those traits(or did when I was drinking).

I was only in one relationship with some one who constantly criticized me and seemed to enjoy torturing and manipulating me.He could also be a lot of fun and very loving at times.It was confusing as hell and I stayed with him for way longer then was logical.I think the reason why,is because he was constantly "convincing me" that I was just imagining things because I was "nuts"....I knew I was Nuts,so it seemed like a possibility.It was only after I got away from him for a few years(we kept breaking up and getting back together),that I realized what a "mind f***er" he had been.That whole thing with tearing down someones self-esteem so they feel either powerless or to guilty to leave .....is just,manipulitive bull.I know it sounds cold blooded(which I am),but you cant make her deal with her "issues" and she never will as long as she has you to back up her reality.I had to totally break down before I could rebuild myself.When one person in a relationship tries to "get healthier" it is seen as a threat to the other person who wants things to stay the same because they arnt ready to change.

Your in a tough spot.I really think you need to have a heart to heart when she is in a stable mood.Write down some options for your relationship and see if she can agree with it.Try and find another living situations because right now she has you by the proverbial b***s.She doesnt have to change and it sound like she needs to,as much for her own mental heath,as yours.I wish you both,luck.I dont think she is the enemy,just another struggling screwed up mortal like the rest of us.

Sorry if this is abit rambling and incomprehensable,but these are some emotional issues for me.

It does sound like the relationship has deeper problems than just her not getting the Aspie thing.

Mesious,

I agree with the others. Just consider divorcing her. She isn't worth it. I would LOVE to get married, but things like your situation scare me. It's a pity you have to live with and even have sex with a person for years before you know how it will turn out.

Isabel,

No you don't! I got SO used to tuning out some, that I seem to do it with many. Sometimes, part of my mind has to just repeat the things(almost like a network router) for me to interpret them. I STILL remember, as a kid, LAUGHING at the even IMPLIED possibility you could hear something, and not interpret it. Yet NOW, I sometimes have the SAME problem. 8-( The thanksgiving before the last one I almost told my mother never to call me, etc... ever again. This thanksgiving, I thought the same thing.

AS has a lot of benefits, but even some of them have their dark side. 8-(

Steve

Thanks everyone. You're basically just confirming what I already suspected. I need to get out of this. I'll stay with my dad for awhile. Luckily, she's stuck here in Parkersburg with her job so I can go to Morgantown where I have some friends and family.

Thanks so much.