My marriage is about to end if I cant figure this out..

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I am an aspie married to a NT woman, I feel that she is very needy on an emotional level and she tells me that she finds love from affection, Physical touch and sex. I on the other had have a very low sex drive, I do not like to touch or be touced and the the overstimulation of trying to have sex as often as she wants to is almost unbearable for me, I have a very strong sense of smell as well and i find the smell of sex almost revolting. Anyway, I cant figure out how to get her to understand that i do love her and want us to work out, but there is very little im going to be able to do to change how I am, Im finding myself telling her to just go get what she needs from someone else, even though I dont really want her too..she wants me to try and fins tips on flirting and romance and try something new every week...I just dont know how to make her happy and in return her unhappiness is making my life miserable.

not everyone is up for an open relationship. In fact most arent.

did she know that you find aspects of sex revolting and that you can't handle providing the affection she needs when she married you, or has this changed over the course of the marriage?

Don't go for an open relationship. This brings jealousy into the equation which makes things worse and more complicated. As far as physical intimacy goes, even though you don't really like to touch or be touched, you could try a hug and kiss on the cheek when you or her arrive home from work.

As far as the sex issue goes, you might should try to talk to her about it and let her know about the strong sense of smell, but if you do talk to her about it, make sure not to make her feel as if she is repulsive and is not at fault for this issue. It's not your fault either. Some things aren't anyone's fault.

One touchstone might be, don't leave the marriage if all the two of you need is separate vacations.

When I'm in a relationship, I need a lot of alone time. It's almost like a physical need. I need the time to emotionally process and re-connect with myself, and my NT girlfriends have generally not understood this.

What about abstaining from sex for a while and sensate focus? Like dancing where the two of you are planning not to have sex? A woman in her 30s once explained to me that men generally have a single (broad) dimension to sex and masturbation works fine, whereas women also want skin-on-skin, physical contact in addition to orgasm. And we men might underestimate how much this physical component means to women.

The relationship needs to work for you, too. Being Aspie has a lot of strengths and advantages it brings to a relationship, but I guess needing a lot of time and space isn't one of them.

^^^i would be seriously offended if someone suggested that i need to cover up the smell from my crotch area.

I wasnt diagnosed as aspie till 2 years into the marriage, so i dont think I lied to her about how I am, but she does say that I am different now than in the begining, It took about 6 monthes for the "honeymoon" phase to ware off, In my previous marriage my wife wasnt that into sex so it was never a big deal and i didnt know that anything was wrong,so i couldnt warn her.. I dont think either of us would be into an open marriage, me especially as I get jelous at the drop of a hat..I did try and talk to her about my smell issue and it turned into rather nasty fight about how I think shes disgusting and dirty, which wasnt what the intent was at all..I also require a lot of alone time, which generally she has been good about since the diagnosis..before she thought i just didnt want to be around her even though i tried to explain it to her that I need the time to collect myself and destress, and that it prevents meltdowns..as for masturbation ..well im i guy and have never had any problem with that,,but when it comes to sex the amount of touching is uncomfortable most times and almost painfull at others..I am 35 and my wife is 30, I do give her hugs and kisses on the cheeck a lot, but she says her problem is I dont persue her and show dominance..amd therefore i dont show her I love her, being agressive in the bedroom isnt somthing I know how to do, it almost feels wrong to me to try and be agressive.

May I ask if you use condoms?

If you do, try polyurathane condoms. I don't like the smell of latex condoms either, and when I started using the polyurathane ones (I use the Durex Avanti) it was so much better. The latex is a big part of the smell of sex. Plus, you could try bathing before you do it.

The touching, I don't really know what to say there. I feel like this is a kyobiashi maru.