Do you guys feel the need to socialize?

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I don't really ever feel like hanging out with anyone. Whether it's going to the beach, hanging out at peoples houses, playing sports etc. I just don't really ever feel the urge to socialize. I have friends, but I constantly find myself making up excuses when they call me to hang out. I just prefer my own company.

I don't want to sound selfish, but I only feel like hanging out with people that have something to offer. I don't mean financially necessarily, things like intriguing conversation or an opportunity to learn about my interests. I don't dislike other people, I just find that I think differently than most of my friends.

For example, they want to play Battlefield 3 online while i'd rather learn about programming and how the game was made. Playing a game or just goofing off seems like a waste of time. Maybe I've outgrown my friends or something. Anyways, sorry for rambling on. People on WP are the only ones I suspect would know what I mean!

Beyond work, the internet, and minor interactions when shopping, I no longer have the desire to socialize either.

I have a strong need to interact with people. Well, people I like, rather.

Yeah prett my much the same. I enjoy the company of nice and intelligent people. I've never been one to simply hang out because "it's better than being alone.". I do enjoy social interaction when it's present though. I just don't actively seek it out often.

+1

Same, but I try my best to make an effort for people.

I like some people, not all. I do crave some social interaction, I get very lonely, I don't have many friends. It's nice to have good people around me. I find I only need a few good friends and I am happy.

Nowadays I don't get asked out anywhere really. But in the past and even now I don't thrive on social interaction. When its with people I like and feel comfortable with I do enjoy socializing for a while.

I do, but I wish I didn't. I seem to remember that I didn't feel like hanging out with other people during my childhood. I did see a few friends during vacation but I didn't really care if I didn't see anyone for a long time. When I hit puberty, I started to feel the need to get more friends. Unfortunately, most social encounters are disappointing and unpleasant for me. I feel good when I'm with 2 or 3 people but I can't handle groups, I pretty much have no input at all in the conversation at all when there are 4 or more people. Still, my feelings of loneliness really bother me during the holidays even though I know it happens rarely that I enjoy a social ocassion.

It doesn't need to be black-and-white, you can hang out with your friends occasionally while still learning about programming. If you shut them out you may lose them as friends.

I am very similar. I used to always be too busy to hang out with friends in high school because I wanted to work on my own projects instead. A word of caution: I have since learned that "I'm busy" is NT code for "I'm not interested in you and don't want to spend time with you". I've learned that it's a good idea to tell them specifically what you're doing so they don't think it's just an excuse. Otherwise, you might not have those friends anymore later on when you want them.

I do need to be around people once in awhile, though. I find that just being in the same room with a bunch of like-minded people is enough social interaction for me to feel satisfied. My favorite thing is being able to work on my own projects or play my own games in the company of others.

Another thing I've learned is that most people seem to be able to get attached to anyone who is friendly enough with them. But I can't really connect with anyone unless we share a special interest. It doesn't matter how nice they are to me. I can be nice back, but I can't connect. I'm married and I'll hear people in these married communities all the time saying things like, "My husband and I have no common interests." My husband and I have pretty much EVERYTHING in common, how is it possible to have nothing in common with the person you MARRY??

If I'm honest, it kinda seems like you take these things for granted. I don't have many real-world friends to go to the beach with, or hang around at their place, and it's very lonely sitting at home most of the time. Socialising with people online, as I've been doing for years, just doesn't cut the mustard anymore. I want friends who can physically keep me company.


This is something I do relate to. I've made a friend recently who wants to chat with me and hang out, but we don't have anything in common to talk about. I just don't see what she brings to the friendship, or what I can offer her, either. Not an autistic trait, mind you -- lots of so-called "normal" people think in the same terms. If you aren't offering much as a friend, people won't want to befriend you.


Gaming isn't a waste of time IMO. It's actually a great way for autistics to casually socialise with others, especially if you're doing it online with a mic. The focus is on the game, so you can get your social fix by communicating with others and coordinating team efforts. Very rarely do people try to strike up an actual conversation when you're playing with them.

I hear you.

I am really terrible like this. I got about 5 invitations this week and turned all of them down except one - the only reason I attended was because I said no all last week and all that week too and felt bad - and it was a mistake to go when I did.

I get the impluse to socialize about once a month, but that is it - and even then only with people I actually *like* and where we are ggoing to do something enjoyable. I don't socialize outside of what is necessary for my work, school and hobbies - to be honest it is a chore / obligation and also that is more interaction than I should be having to start with.

I appreciate the insight!

I have two friends who took classes with me last semester (the ones I elaborated on in my OP). They are really nice and all, but they have a lot more in common with each other than with me. Most of the time, they get into 1 on 1 conversations with each other connecting on an emotional level. I usually just can't relate to the conversation and end up just sitting there feeling left out and awkward. I just don't feel much of a connection to them.

For some reason, they always want to hang out with me. Also, they never take no for an answer, and just show up at my house if I say no over the phone. I enjoy the time for the most part, but I just feel like I'm a bit more matured than them. We're all in our early twenties, yet they want to do stuff like walk around a neighborhood all night or watch cartoons (stuff I did when I was 13) They are also very needy and always treat me like a therapist, making me uncomfortable.

My perfect social gathering would be something like: Building an RC car, Programming a simple game, playing music together, visiting comic shops, building computers etc... maybe someday I can find some like minded friends.

Sometimes. but then, I've been so used to being alone that it doesnt really bother me all that much anymore

I used to be similar to the OP in that for most of my life, I didn't feel the need for social contact. I was too entertained with my imaginary worlds, and the way I played was to immerse myself in them. With the imagination I had, I didn't need anyone else.

Now it's the opposite in that I require it in order to stay sane. I've become very picky about who I socialize with, and prefer to spend time only with those I trust, I enjoy meeting new people as long as they seem open to what I'm about.