Is religion always a deal breaker?

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patrickmoler
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03 Aug 2012, 2:16 am

So, i'm very much non-religuos, and sometimes this can be a big factor in my dating life. I've been described as a chruch boy who doesn't like church...and that's fairly accurate.

Now my question is whether or not differing religuos views are a complete deal breaker in relationships. There's this cute lil' redhead girl, I know, that's so sweet and I'd like to ask her out, but....she's very religuos. I'd honestly being willing to ignore her religuos beliefs, but i could never be converted into believing such stuff myself. Though, in the chance it'd actually work out between us...well problems could be brought up in the future because of it. Sigh....Your thoughts?



Kjas
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03 Aug 2012, 2:22 am

Depends.

It's not about the religious beliefs, it's about how both of you choose to deal with them and whether you judge others who don't share your beliefs, on the basis of your beliefs.

If both of you are accepting and non-judgemental about religious beliefs or lack of them, then there will be no problem.

It will only become a problem if either she starts applying her standards to you (or if you do the same to her), and expecting, demanding or try to force the other person to change on that basis.

Most people are very judgemental and expecting when it comes to religious beliefs... and it often becomes a polarising issue.
If you leave the judgementalness out of the picture, things can work out very well.


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PastFixations
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03 Aug 2012, 3:02 am

I would make one suggestion...
Don't listen to Boo on this issue. ;)


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The_Face_of_Boo
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03 Aug 2012, 3:13 am

PastFixations wrote:
I would make one suggestion...
Don't listen to Boo on this issue. ;)


and why's that?



Kjas
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03 Aug 2012, 3:15 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
PastFixations wrote:
I would make one suggestion...
Don't listen to Boo on this issue. ;)


and why's that?


:lol:

I'm pretty sure that was an attempt at humor, Boo.


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DogsWithoutHorses
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03 Aug 2012, 3:17 am

It depends on the level of passion.
Opposing views that are moderate are easier to reconcile than opposing views that are extreme.

I hit some roadbumps early on in my relationship because I'm largely ambivalent to religion and have some cultural spiritual beliefs that are important to me but I keep to myself.
The mister is a very vocal atheist.
It took awhile for it to sink in that non-belief isn't really worth talking about all the time (there are lots of book characters I don't think exist in real life, I don't lecture people about that). So now it's just something we don't talk about.


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yellowtamarin
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03 Aug 2012, 3:23 am

Kjas wrote:
Depends.

It's not about the religious beliefs, it's about how both of you choose to deal with them and whether you judge others who don't share your beliefs, on the basis of your beliefs.

This. It's a deal-breaker for me, but I'm more judgemental about it than others. I believe it reflects a person's overall mindset, but others would disagree.



Kjas
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03 Aug 2012, 3:37 am

^^^
I think in many cases it does reflect the mindset, but not always. I know the effect you are on about though.


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Last edited by Kjas on 03 Aug 2012, 4:11 am, edited 1 time in total.

The_Face_of_Boo
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03 Aug 2012, 3:41 am

Kjas wrote:
Depends.

It's not about the religious beliefs, it's about how both of you choose to deal with them and whether you judge others who don't share your beliefs, on the basis of your beliefs.

If both of you are accepting and non-judgemental about religious beliefs or lack of them, then there will be no problem.

It will only become a problem if either she starts applying her standards to you (or if you do the same to her), and expecting, demanding or try to force the other person to change on that basis.

Most people are very judgemental and expecting when it comes to religious beliefs... and it often becomes a polarising issue.
If you leave the judgementalness out of the picture, things can work out very well.


This, the girl I am seeing/talking with her is a devout Muslim (ie. she prays, she fasts and she breaks fasting with 3 dates (fruit), like the prophet) but she's not judgmental about me, she doesn't think of me as less moralist or bad person for being atheist.

Also, I am not militant atheist, I don't promote atheism and i am against any kind of preaching, and that helps.



patrickmoler
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03 Aug 2012, 4:09 am

yellowtamarin wrote:
Kjas wrote:
Depends.

It's not about the religious beliefs, it's about how both of you choose to deal with them and whether you judge others who don't share your beliefs, on the basis of your beliefs.

This. It's a deal-breaker for me, but I'm more judgemental about it than others. I believe it reflects a person's overall mindset, but others would disagree.


yeah. Me too. You see I think religuos belief sometimes indicate impractical thinking and poor judgment. Though, I know some people have just never had reason to not believe it. i'm friends with plenty of people who are religuos. Though it's when it comes to finding a partner.



WalkingTheDog
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03 Aug 2012, 4:52 am

I think Kjas gave a great answer.

It doesn't sound like religion will be a deal breaker for you. Whether it is a deal breaker for your redhead friend depends on whether or not she's the type to create an account on OKCupid specifying that she's interested in a "good CHRISTIAN man" (I'm getting sick of seeing those profiles; why don't the theist move over to Christian Mingle?).



Shau
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03 Aug 2012, 5:16 am

patrickmoler wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
Kjas wrote:
Depends.

It's not about the religious beliefs, it's about how both of you choose to deal with them and whether you judge others who don't share your beliefs, on the basis of your beliefs.

This. It's a deal-breaker for me, but I'm more judgemental about it than others. I believe it reflects a person's overall mindset, but others would disagree.


yeah. Me too. You see I think religuos belief sometimes indicate impractical thinking and poor judgment. Though, I know some people have just never had reason to not believe it. i'm friends with plenty of people who are religuos. Though it's when it comes to finding a partner.


Make that three. I believe that religious belief is either:

1. A sign of lesser intelligence, or

2. A sign of ignorance about science.

2 is sometimes acceptable. I don't expect a hotshot lawyer who has to focus most of his efforts on understanding law, to understand exactly why religious beliefs are irrational, when a fuller knowledge of science really does help that by a lot.



DogsWithoutHorses
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03 Aug 2012, 5:24 am

Shau wrote:
patrickmoler wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
Kjas wrote:
Depends.

It's not about the religious beliefs, it's about how both of you choose to deal with them and whether you judge others who don't share your beliefs, on the basis of your beliefs.

This. It's a deal-breaker for me, but I'm more judgemental about it than others. I believe it reflects a person's overall mindset, but others would disagree.


yeah. Me too. You see I think religuos belief sometimes indicate impractical thinking and poor judgment. Though, I know some people have just never had reason to not believe it. i'm friends with plenty of people who are religuos. Though it's when it comes to finding a partner.


Make that three. I believe that religious belief is either:

1. A sign of lesser intelligence, or

2. A sign of ignorance about science.

2 is sometimes acceptable. I don't expect a hotshot lawyer who has to focus most of his efforts on understanding law, to understand exactly why religious beliefs are irrational, when a fuller knowledge of science really does help that by a lot.


Yeah so whether you're religious or atheistic, if you think the people who are different from you are less than
it's likely to be a relationship issue if you date people who don't agree with you


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Shau
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03 Aug 2012, 5:41 am

DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
Yeah so whether you're religious or atheistic, if you think the people who are different from you are less than
it's likely to be a relationship issue if you date people who don't agree with you


"Less than"....? Less than intelligent?

I should point out, that it is not my belief that people that are different from me are of lesser intelligence. For example, you can have two intelligent people, where one likes sports, and the other likes to study. A very clear difference. But...

...when you get into "I believe in auras/star signs/pixies/crystal healing/psychics/magic sky wizards/the power of prayer", you are getting solidly into "unintelligent" territory, or considerable ignorance of science.



Kjas
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03 Aug 2012, 5:51 am

I think the only obvious issue I have with it is the lack of critical thought that the large majority put into it - thankfully there are exceptions to that.
If they are willing to admit that logically it isn't a very sound position, but they choose to believe in it anyway, well I am more than happy with that.
Naturally I would be interested in why they choose that particular belief and how it came about, but that is mostly from curiousity.
Differentiating logic and a belief is very important to me in that regard.


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Last edited by Kjas on 03 Aug 2012, 6:06 am, edited 2 times in total.

DogsWithoutHorses
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03 Aug 2012, 6:05 am

Shau wrote:
DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
Yeah so whether you're religious or atheistic, if you think the people who are different from you are less than
it's likely to be a relationship issue if you date people who don't agree with you


"Less than"....? Less than intelligent?

I should point out, that it is not my belief that people that are different from me are of lesser intelligence. For example, you can have two intelligent people, where one likes sports, and the other likes to study. A very clear difference. But...

...when you get into "I believe in auras/star signs/pixies/crystal healing/psychics/magic sky wizards/the power of prayer", you are getting solidly into "unintelligent" territory, or considerable ignorance of science.


So you believe that people who don't agree with you that there is no god are less than you in some way (less intelligent or less informed).
I'm not going to argue with you about whether it's right to think that people of faith are either less intelligent or less informed than atheists. Because while I think that's incorrect, it's not as relevant to dating as the point I was trying to make.

My point was that if you believe that, of course you'd have difficulty dating a theist just as someone who believes atheists are less moral would have difficulties dating an atheist.


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