Have You as a Parent......................

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Did You ever as a Parent, not do things because Your Child has a Disability?

Doing Things, I mean: Going to the beach or built Yourself a pool in Your backyard?

There are lots of things we don't do, basically anything involving loud crowded situations especially those with lots of other kids or in confined spaces. I guess I don't think of it as because DS has a disability as it is stressful for him and not enjoyable so why subject him to it. Thankfully my husband and I can each take one of our boys so if there is an event that our NT son really wants to attend, like a parade or a festival at the park, one of us can be with each boy so they can both get to do what they want. We push ASD DS's boundaries a little bit sometimes by bringing him out to events that aren't totally crazy busy and staying on the outside edge of the crowd and leaving after a short while.

Yep, pretty often but it's usually avoidable things. DS has pizza for dinner every sat evening (his weekly treat) and sometimes we as a family would like to go and eat but that's doesn't happen because he prefers to stay at home so we almost always get takeaway. He doesn't enjoy going the supermarket or to crowded places and so I make an effort to go while he is at kinder but sometime it's unavoidable. like during school holidays and then he just had to come with me and there isn't much I can do about it.

YES...basically large crowded places, loud places. Much more so when my son was younger. Now we might attempt a place like the musuem or zoo, but he is still pretty miserable and makes everyone who goes with him miserable as well.

Public school...I homeschool my son casue he would have a miserable time in reg school. He is very high functioning Aspergers, and basically he is socially akward and emotionally immature. FOr instance, he will growl at people when he is upset, not just growl, clench his fists, scrunch his face, hunch over and shake his whole body while growling. We were at the local pools the other day and a kid bumped into him, and he did his growl, the kid told my son he was weird, and then went to his group of friends and told them to look at the weirdo over there. YES< I hada few nice words for those boys. But it is AMAZING how fast NT kids pick up on my sons differences. I probably would have homeschooled him regardless, but I feel it is more of a necessity for him then a choice.

When my children were younger, there were certainly things we didn't do because one or another of the children couldn't handle doing it. We didn't necessarily think of it as being because the child was "disabled," but because the child was the child. Now that the children are older (older teen through young adult), we are fairly free to do what we want, and if they don't want to join us, they don't. But this restriction is true for all parents - it tends to be greater for parents of children with disabilities, but all children have certain things that they cannot tolerate, or that would be unsafe for them, that causes restrictions on their parents' behavior. Clearly, a severely disabled child, with significant behavioral challenges, restricts a family's activities more than a typical child does, but it's more a matter of degree than it is of the general proposition of whether a parent's actions or behavior is going to be limited by the presence of children, disabled or not.

It's funny - there are lots of things we don't do...but as we realize that we both have some relationship to the spectrum ourselves, we don't do them because we also don't like them (crowds, parties, etc.) and not because our son is "disabled."

I do find it very difficult to convince him to accompany me to do anything that isn't in line with his current interests, but truthfully that doesn't stop us...