Dating.....not for me ????

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Its hard for me to keep or create new friends but dating is even harder . Sometimes it makes me depressed that I can't keep someone next to me . I don't know what I do wrong . Im not shy and I make efforts to be social and even flirt with men but it always goes wrong . Some people say that I'm intimidating and aggressive in the way I approach them I don't know if this is because of my Aspergers but I find it so difficult to understand men's body language when it comes to dating . I haven't the opportunity to meen any AS men so I don't know if they are any different from the NTs . I'm really tired of trying to approach and ending up alone and used by them . Does any one have an advice for me ?? I would be thankful

Coming from a male Aspie, I can honestly say the same thing about women. Other than that, I am actually aromantic-asexual, so what I say comes from my observations of others and what I have been told by the more successful of them, not from experience. BUT I will do my best to help.

If you want to here the classic: We are all different, you just need to find the right one, someday it will work out, you are not the only one going through this - there, I said it. Now to get serious. From my point of view, I DO find "aggressive" women to be intimidating - in some ways, it comes from being hypersensitive to noise as well as being territorial - in some ways it comes from the classic male characteristic of "dominance" that plagues sexism. But I also find them somewhat amusing, their passion and the like. This generally will attract men - the kind that like you for who you are and are serious about having a relationship with you. So the real question is, do you want a date or do you want an actual steady relationship based on love? There is a massive difference between the two which a lot of people confuse. Some are so desperate for the later, that the former becomes their primary focus.

A simple tip (for either gender) - make the person you are talking to the center of the conversation. Ask what they like, base questions on what they said, and if they start asking questions about you (good sign), then try to turn around everything you say to focus on the person you are talking to. People like people who like them. I would also recommend reading the book "How to make people like you in 90 seconds or less." Lots of great tips there, which I am sure you will catch onto.

Some men are taken back by women who make the first move. These are usually also the as*hole guys.

I suggest approaching guys who might be a little more reserved or quiet. These guys may welcome relaxation of knowing that you are interested. (Personally figuring out if a girl is interested in me is the hardest part) Approach slowly, maybe sit by them. Give them an opportunity to come to you, maybe nudge them along a little.

Keep trying different people. Most are jerks, but there are some good people out there

Hey Wilma, you are always to come along to one of the London meet ups or you are welcome to meet me for a friendly drink if that makes you more comfortable.

The only time I would be put off by a girl flirting with me is if I was not attracted to her to begin with. Otherwise, I would prefer her to initiate the meeting so that I could tell she was interested. Then again, I don't have any real dating experience so my thoughts don't count for much in this area...

Thank you all very much for your support . Reading again and again my post and reading again and again your comments I figure out that my basic problem is that I'm still in love with my ex and because I can't have him I have been trying to forget him ( i always avoid to mention him ) i was approaching other men because I was in denial of my own feelings that I can't forget him and I'm really hurt because he was my first love and I was with him 2 years . Now I know why I couldt approach other men because I dont really want them I want a specific man but I can't have him now because he is with another woman . But I want to thank you all for listening and replying ... It really helped me .

I'm sorry to hear that Wilma.

But I think you are definitely a step ahead if you are aware and ackowledge that this is the issue. It can take some time to really get over someone, you are probably better off focusing on yourself right now and things you enjoy and forget about guys for the moment, at least until you feel you are truly really to get back out there and date again.

It sounds like a case of oneitis, it's not ideal and it can happen to females as just as well as males.

Definition of oneitis.

An unhealthy romantic obsession with a single person. Usually accompanied by non-reciprocated affection and completely unrealistic idealization of the said person.

Often confused with love, this is the feeling that a particular woman is actually special. This is just an illusion, she is the same as the other three or so billion.

In other words, get over your obsession with that girl, because it's just an illusion. And when you get rejected, don't be depressed because there's really not much to worry about.

(*Psssst* Wolf, she is a girl! Editing time )