NT wanting to learn

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Hi to everyone - my name is Sally , I am new here, I am NT but have a boyfriend who I believe has Asperger's, and I just need some help! We have been together now for getting on for 4 years - although we split up for 3 months last year - but carried on as friends in that period and then got back together. Since then we have been comfortable together, but we have lots of issues, and I just don't know whether I should carry on or just give up ! I want to understand the way he ticks so that our relationship has the best chance of working. Every time we have a blip - which always comes about because I get unhappy at the lack of affection/romance/sex between us and crack a bit - he says 'well, we could always stop'. Yet he doesn't just end it definitively either and I believe he wants to be in the relationship, although maybe only for companionship. We don't live together, and I am 54 and he is 46. Neither of us has ever been married or had children.

I hope that by listening to people , and getting some insight from people who are diagnosed and who may recognise the issues, I can assess better whether this is feasible for us both or not in the long-term. I know this may sound ridiculous - to have to ask complete strangers how they would see it - but my belief in the validity of our relationship is like a roller coaster and always has been. However he has hung in there (and come back once) I am still here too , and that must say something.

Thanks for reading!

Welcome, and that's great that you want to learn. My ex and I had similar issues from the sounds of it. I got diagnosed after we broke up, and though we are still close friends and now know what part of the issue was caused by, he is still unwilling to try to learn about me in that regard. I am sure that your SO will appreciate your effort

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Welkome to WP

Mick

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Maybe the problem is that your boyfriend doesnt realize that there is a lack of romance in your relationship. I have Asperger's too, and sometimes we Aspies can be just plain oblivious as to what other people want or need. If that is the case, try telling him plainly. It could come as a big revelation to him.

Another possibility is that he doesn't know how to give you more. No one ever told him how to be more romantic, or sexy, or any of it, really. So the only other option for him is just to stop.

Hiya, I am me, and I am married to him. He's possibly AS. We have dithered over getting a diagnosis.

As I write, the relationship is again at crisis point, with him shutting me out,

Anyone got any advice on how to 'get through to him'? It's so painful being shut out, then he's all apologetic, swamping me with attention and effort, which is overwhelming, and then it goes back to the smae pattern again. I just can't get through to him when he shuts down, and it leaves me feeling that the marriage is a complete sham.

Please if you can ofer insight, I would be so grateful.

Thanks