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_DyL_
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07 Aug 2012, 5:45 am

It all started when I met a sweet, beautiful, friendly girl. She's 14 and I'm 15; still youngster's. :)
Sorry I'm been quite vague in all of the following, though I want to avoid mentioning too many names.... :?

Anyway, we dated for some time (from 26/4/2012 to 27/5/2012) though as at that time it was long distance we both agreed to just be friends for now.
A few days afterwards she ended up with another guy (adam) after he asked her out, I was fine with this; In a way, I was actually happy for her. We still skyped everynight and talked to each other, it was always quite entertaining. :D
At one point (while still with Adam), she did admitted she still really liked me though didn't want to overly fall for me yet.
She's an amazing girl... Possibly the sweetest girl I've ever met.

What the problem was, she was quite... 'Sexually active' I guess would be good words to use
She was sending nude pictures to quite a few (4-5+ I know of) guys, including myself.
I wasn't overly bothered by this as I knew she couldn't overly help it (Hormones at that age, etc..) and she did feel bad when she sent them to people, she would always admit it to me afterwards and tell me how sorry she is. Though she did know she needed help, she didn't want to admit it to anyone.
Her sister (who is about ~23) knew what was going on and was trying to encourage her to go see a psychologist to get help, though she would never go. :/

About a month ago, I was on her Facebook (she gave me her password, most likely her way of admitting this to me) which I saw an inbox where she had sent multible pictures to a guy... At first I was thinking "*sigh* Not again.. :roll:".
I then clicked on his profile to view it, I was quite shocked when I saw he looked about 19-20, I then checked his Facebook date of birth which confirmed he was 21.
At this stage I didn't know what to do, I wasn't overly annoyed at her though it was getting to the point of been a serious problem. 8O
I ended up telling her mum (via Facebook) everything that she had been doing, including who she sent pictures to and admitted that I also myself received a few from her.

She got in quite a bit of trouble, she wasn't allowed to use her phone or computer for a few weeks...
Her mum also told me "Please don't contact (Her name) or get your friends to do so on your behalf anymore" and she got her to delete me off facebook/skype... I understood why her mother would be quite angry and so I agreed at the time that it would be for the best if I didn't talk to her daughter for some time.
I actually thought her mother already slightly knew what was happening as her 23 year old sister knew and was trying to help her. This wasn't the case though, her mother had no idea what she had been doing.

She also lied quite a bit, though I could quite easily tell when she was lying... I just let her 'hide behind her stories' though, I didn't overly mind... Some may think lies aren't something that I should of put up with, though it didn't overly bother me. The only problem with it there was a few times I thought she was lying when she was actually be truthful, which showed me I was actually wrong in some cases, though it was not overly a big problem.

Anyway, A few weeks want by and I'm still yet to contact her again.
I've stayed in contact with her sister to keep updated on how she's doing... She has been seeing a psychologist at her on will and seems to actually want to go, rather then been anxious and scared of going.
Her sister want in with her for her first appointment at the psychologist, her sister told me afterwards that when she was asked about me by her psychologist, she replied "He's nice, I miss him" which I thought is quite cute. :D

I still haven't contacted her directly since all this happen, I'm not sure when I should... When is the right time.. :?
I do at some point want to contact her again and start talking once again, though I am really not sure when or what to say... I guess I'll update this thread at some point if I do decide to send her a message and tell her I miss her. :)


Feel free to leave a post below saying anything you want... Advice, comments, etc.. Even if it's just correcting my spelling/grammar. :roll:
I'll try to actively check back on this thread. ;)



Aharon
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07 Aug 2012, 8:12 am

I'd respectfully honor her mother's wishes, but would contact her mother and ask how her daughter is doing, and maybe she could pass on to her that you said hi and we're thinking of her. Any boy willing to communicate with the parents is more apt to be trusted by them.

As for them banning you out of her life, it is understandable; they don't know who the bad guys are, and are only trying to protect her.


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_DyL_
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07 Aug 2012, 8:32 am

Aharon wrote:
I'd respectfully honor her mother's wishes, but would contact her mother and ask how her daughter is doing, and maybe she could pass on to her that you said hi and we're thinking of her. Any boy willing to communicate with the parents is more apt to be trusted by them.

As for them banning you out of her life, it is understandable; they don't know who the bad guys are, and are only trying to protect her.


Yeah I was thinking that :D
The only problem is trusting her mum to actually pass the message on. :roll:



DarthMaul
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16 Aug 2012, 3:40 am

So... Your "friend" sent nude pics to people... In New Jersey (and maybe New York), that's child porn, and you (and all the other guys and the girl, too, I think) can be labeled as paedos. The 21 year old for certain will be, seeing as he's legal. Oh well... I'm not sure if that's 100% accurate, but that's how it goes down in Jersey. Thought I'd share that. And good on you.



DeathbyMonkeys
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16 Aug 2012, 10:27 pm

From my own experience with pictures ("it all starts innocently" they ask (I had an emotionally abusive bf) you give so they stop annoying you) I can say for certain at least two things.
BTW I think thats EXTREMELY awesome that you had the strength to do the right thing:)

1. She has extremely low self esteem, the lowest of the low. Talking to you may remind her of the pictures she sent you :(

2. She needs time (maybe years) before you could see eachother (I'm not saying anything on your part, I've been the more sexual in some of my relationships) without her feeling confused about her feelings (ahem hormones) about you. The threat of ruining a friendship (or opening old wounds for her) may never go away.

3. Years later she will thank you (if maybe just in her mind).

Your story chilled me cause it could happened to me. When I learned sending any "suggestive" picture of yourself to even one person when under (21, 18? Idk) is considered porn in the U.S, it allowed to me stop myself from this habit gradually (I took pictures but didn't share!)

If you stop, and listen, you'll hear worse stories resulting from sexual things from people all around you. Sex isn't always bad if you go about it when your ready and do it the right way.

I hope I've helped, I'm a little sensitive to this stuff, good luck.



_DyL_
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09 Sep 2012, 5:01 am

DarthMaul wrote:
So... Your "friend" sent nude pics to people... In New Jersey (and maybe New York), that's child porn, and you (and all the other guys and the girl, too, I think) can be labeled as paedos. The 21 year old for certain will be, seeing as he's legal. Oh well... I'm not sure if that's 100% accurate, but that's how it goes down in Jersey. Thought I'd share that. And good on you.


Same laws here. :$
Aslong as both are under 16 though, it is a bit more relaxed and not as enforced.
However, the 21 year old is by far breaking laws by receiving, asking for and keeping the pictures... I believe her mum actually took action against him in the end though. (her mum works in a court, so knew how to go about it all)



_DyL_
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09 Sep 2012, 5:19 am

DeathbyMonkeys wrote:
From my own experience with pictures ("it all starts innocently" they ask (I had an emotionally abusive bf) you give so they stop annoying you) I can say for certain at least two things.
BTW I think thats EXTREMELY awesome that you had the strength to do the right thing:)

1. She has extremely low self esteem, the lowest of the low. Talking to you may remind her of the pictures she sent you :(

2. She needs time (maybe years) before you could see eachother (I'm not saying anything on your part, I've been the more sexual in some of my relationships) without her feeling confused about her feelings (ahem hormones) about you. The threat of ruining a friendship (or opening old wounds for her) may never go away.

3. Years later she will thank you (if maybe just in her mind).

Your story chilled me cause it could happened to me. When I learned sending any "suggestive" picture of yourself to even one person when under (21, 18? Idk) is considered porn in the U.S, it allowed to me stop myself from this habit gradually (I took pictures but didn't share!)

If you stop, and listen, you'll hear worse stories resulting from sexual things from people all around you. Sex isn't always bad if you go about it when your ready and do it the right way.

I hope I've helped, I'm a little sensitive to this stuff, good luck.


Thanks very much for your reply, helps a lot! :)
With number 3, in Australia it's 18 I believe. Her mum explained all this to her though, as her mum actually works in the legal system.


She actually contacted me recently after he boyfriend broke up with her.
Didn't even know she had a new boyfriend, but whatever...
She (for some reason) started blaming me that Taylor (her ex) broke up with her... Had no clue what she was on about at the time..
Turns out, few days before that someone named Taylor asked me on facebook how old Brea was, so I answered truthfully... And well, Brea had lied about her age to him and so because of this he got annoyed at her, then she blamed me. :x
Ended up blocking her, wasn't in the mood to deal with that kinda s**t at the time.. -__-



muslimmetalhead
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09 Sep 2012, 12:16 pm

Interesting story.

I'm no suave Adonis, but maybe you should talk to her parents.


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_DyL_
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11 Sep 2012, 8:07 am

muslimmetalhead wrote:
Interesting story.

I'm no suave Adonis, but maybe you should talk to her parents.


I've talked to her mother and discussed it with her, all's pretty good now.
She's still not overly happy with me, but her parents understand that I'm not quite the type of person they first thought I was.



Blixten
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19 Sep 2012, 6:44 am

Can I just say how sincerely impressed I am with how you handled the whole thing? Way to go man. I hope your friend gets help.
wait can you say sincerely impressed, is that correct... Um. Whatever, I totally am.



bluemoniker
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04 Oct 2012, 3:04 pm

_DyL_ wrote:
It all started when I met a sweet, beautiful, friendly girl. She's 14 and I'm 15; still youngster's. :)
Sorry I'm been quite vague in all of the following, though I want to avoid mentioning too many names.... :?

Anyway, we dated for some time (from 26/4/2012 to 27/5/2012) though as at that time it was long distance we both agreed to just be friends for now.
A few days afterwards she ended up with another guy (adam) after he asked her out, I was fine with this; In a way, I was actually happy for her. We still skyped everynight and talked to each other, it was always quite entertaining. :D
At one point (while still with Adam), she did admitted she still really liked me though didn't want to overly fall for me yet.
She's an amazing girl... Possibly the sweetest girl I've ever met.

What the problem was, she was quite... 'Sexually active' I guess would be good words to use
She was sending nude pictures to quite a few (4-5+ I know of) guys, including myself.
I wasn't overly bothered by this as I knew she couldn't overly help it (Hormones at that age, etc..) and she did feel bad when she sent them to people, she would always admit it to me afterwards and tell me how sorry she is. Though she did know she needed help, she didn't want to admit it to anyone.
Her sister (who is about ~23) knew what was going on and was trying to encourage her to go see a psychologist to get help, though she would never go. :/

About a month ago, I was on her Facebook (she gave me her password, most likely her way of admitting this to me) which I saw an inbox where she had sent multible pictures to a guy... At first I was thinking "*sigh* Not again.. :roll:".
I then clicked on his profile to view it, I was quite shocked when I saw he looked about 19-20, I then checked his Facebook date of birth which confirmed he was 21.
At this stage I didn't know what to do, I wasn't overly annoyed at her though it was getting to the point of been a serious problem. 8O
I ended up telling her mum (via Facebook) everything that she had been doing, including who she sent pictures to and admitted that I also myself received a few from her.

She got in quite a bit of trouble, she wasn't allowed to use her phone or computer for a few weeks...
Her mum also told me "Please don't contact (Her name) or get your friends to do so on your behalf anymore" and she got her to delete me off facebook/skype... I understood why her mother would be quite angry and so I agreed at the time that it would be for the best if I didn't talk to her daughter for some time.
I actually thought her mother already slightly knew what was happening as her 23 year old sister knew and was trying to help her. This wasn't the case though, her mother had no idea what she had been doing.

She also lied quite a bit, though I could quite easily tell when she was lying... I just let her 'hide behind her stories' though, I didn't overly mind... Some may think lies aren't something that I should of put up with, though it didn't overly bother me. The only problem with it there was a few times I thought she was lying when she was actually be truthful, which showed me I was actually wrong in some cases, though it was not overly a big problem.

Anyway, A few weeks want by and I'm still yet to contact her again.
I've stayed in contact with her sister to keep updated on how she's doing... She has been seeing a psychologist at her on will and seems to actually want to go, rather then been anxious and scared of going.
Her sister want in with her for her first appointment at the psychologist, her sister told me afterwards that when she was asked about me by her psychologist, she replied "He's nice, I miss him" which I thought is quite cute. :D

I still haven't contacted her directly since all this happen, I'm not sure when I should... When is the right time.. :?
I do at some point want to contact her again and start talking once again, though I am really not sure when or what to say... I guess I'll update this thread at some point if I do decide to send her a message and tell her I miss her. :)


Feel free to leave a post below saying anything you want... Advice, comments, etc.. Even if it's just correcting my spelling/grammar. :roll:
I'll try to actively check back on this thread. ;)


Ouch that sucks. idrc about the age there, it's no worse than trusting a bunch of teenage guys your own age. But yes anyone who has a pictures addiction needs some help before they send to the wrong guy/girl. Maybe one day she can forgive you, sounds like she has come around.



Natalya
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19 Oct 2012, 12:12 pm

Gld she's seeing a pyschologist. Hope she's okay now. :)


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DarthMaul
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22 Nov 2012, 5:46 am

I applaud you. :applause: Cake anyone? :cake:

EDIT: I forgot. This isn't the AVEN forums. :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:



fluffypinkyellow
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27 Nov 2012, 6:28 am

You did the right thing. Getting psychological help and staying away from the computer is the best thing for this girl in the foreseeable future.



bcousins
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28 Nov 2012, 9:01 pm

DarthMaul wrote:
So... Your "friend" sent nude pics to people... In New Jersey (and maybe New York), that's child porn, and you (and all the other guys and the girl, too, I think) can be labeled as paedos.


Paedophilia can only be condoned if you're over 17. You can't be labelled as a ped if you look at a chick your age in the nude... come on.


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