How old was your kid when you knew?

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I don't mean when they were diagnosed, but rather when you knew by your parental instincts.

My son is only 12 months old, but his doctor has him starting some early intervention assessments. I knew from the first few weeks of his life that something was "different" about him because he refused to let us hold him unless he was asleep or drinking a bottle. He would cry until we put him down than be content. People reasoned it away by saying that he's "just very content" or "independent" and that I'm actually very "lucky to have such an easy baby". As he got a little older everyone started saying how "lucky" I was to have a baby that was "so good with strangers" and "so smart and content". I haven't been around too many other babies, but I knew that what they were really saying is that he's not like other babies that they've known. Now that he's a year old, he's only saying 'mama' and 'dada' which according to his doctor could be normal, but she really expects to see them saying at least one other word by now. We've been trying to get him to say 'baba' but he won't. He also doesn't associate 'mama' or 'dada' with me or my husband. If anything, I think he might think that 'dada' means "fun", but it's impossible to know. As he got older, he started throwing temper tantrums when interrupted from playing (like for a diaper change). It takes two people to change his diaper, and it's very difficult to keep a grip on him. My friends tell me that this is "normal" but their children do not do this, at least not in the same way.

I was very suspicious from the very beginning, and his detachment had me thinking Autism. It wasn't even a month ago that my husband was evaluated for AS and told that he has it. His doctor sent the AQ test home with him, and it's telling me that I most likely have it as well. We're trying to get an appointment with a specialist to know for sure, but that just leads me to further believe my suspicions about my son. Literally every person I've spoken to (because I'm desperate for any kind of emotional support) thinks that I'm completely crazy and "being paranoid"...but I know that I'm not, and I'm completely terrified. If I do end up being autistic, how on earth am I supposed to raise an Autistic child while being married to an Autistic husband???! !! !! Especially when no one even believes me! I'm having such a difficult time trying to deal with this, especially being that I do have frequent melt downs and haven't exactly gotten a handle on dealing with them other than to put my son in a safe place and leave the room (they increased by about 75% after my son was born due to stress I'm assuming, prompting me to try to be evaluated myself).

Anyway, has anyone else seen signs in their child from very early on?

I knew from the fist day but didn't have a name for it. In the hospital nursery when he was born the pediatric nurse called the pediatrician to check if he had broken bones. He was crying for hours and hours and he didn't calm down. I had to wait for an hour before he decided to be brestfeeded. Other moms had their babies fed and they were sleeping in 15 minutes while I was still trying to calm down him. In the first months I was exhausted but I tought it was normal Then I discovered other moms could put their babies in the stroller and be quiet for some minutes. I couldn't.

I started to suspect at age 2 because his languange development was so delayed. His development was typical otherwise.

One of my twins said his first word at nine months and then didn't speak ever after. I knew something was very wrong. The other I realized was the same at about a year.

I don't know about my Mom, but my first memory of knowing that there was something different about me was when I was 4 years old.

Well, I knew she was different, but I didn't know it was AS. Her language development was atypical. She didn't say squat until 18 months, and then only 1 or 2 words. She was very behind. She would grab my hand and lead me to things she wanted, so she was obviously intelligent. At this point I thought maybe something MIGHT be amiss, but then, suddenly, at 22 months she started speaking in full sentances at the level of a 4 year old over the course of a few weeks... she went from one or two words to thousands, so that is the atypical part. The pediatrician even noted it at the time saying it was very strange and extremely unusual for a kid to come in at the 18 month appointment unable to talk at all and then come back at 24 months speaking in full blown grammatically correct sentances complete with words like "ignorant" and "Appropriate" so we took anything like AS off the table at that point and chalked it up to her chronic ear infections impacting her hearing which was cleared up by the ear tubes.... which she got at 11 months old. So yea doesn't make sense, but the doc was baffled at the time. As she got older I gor more and more suspicious that something was still off. She'd meltdown over things that didn't matter. Rules were either unimportant, not understood, or absolutely paramount, no inbetween. Time outs and other punishments had no effect. As she got older she appeared awkward, can't use a fork, has issues getting dressed. The swim lessons. And finally the preschool experience. Honestly I didn't "know" till the doctor told me, but I knew something was different.

As far as the other symptoms, she stims, but it's not the really overt hand flapping. It's other things like twiddling her fingers or running her hands over surfaces. Playdough and repetitive play with very small toys. I think when a lot of people think of autism they think of the end of the spectrum with the hand flapping and rocking, non verbal. I didn't know there was really an inbetween, what the inbetween looks like, or that it could be vastly different from one kid to the next. So I gnored a lot of it chalking it up to her personality (which yes, AS is part of that, but also more than that), strong will, stubborness, and being set in her ways etc...

A different way of looking at it is who better to raise an autistic kid than two autistic parents? Seriously. I think being a shadow myself is a gift to both of my kids and I think finally figuring out that I have ADD is a gift to my son (who has ADHD).

Regarding when I "knew." I knew my son was different from a young age, but at first I thought it was in the "precocious" advanced kind of way. Like maybe I had a genius on my hands. But by the time his sister was born, I started suspecting more was going on and by the time she was 1, I already knew he had sensory processing issues. Then my daughter's issues started to become more apparent and presented in a more "serious" way (my son was highly verbal by 2.5 and my daughter still mostly only had echolalia; he never had SIB, she head-banged, etc) so for awhile all my focus was on her and he kind of got lost in the shuffle. I knew she was "different" from day one. And I didn't think it was in the genius kind of way. (Oddly enough, I believe her IQ to be higher than his when it is all said and done; she is at least in the superior range, possibly a little higher). I was in various stages of denial about my daughter until she was about 18 months or so. Then I "knew" but at first I thought maybe MR. My son's issues ticked back up and became a prominent concern when he was 7. Once we figured out what was going on, it was clear to me that his issues were present pretty much since birth, too. With him, being a first time parent, I really didn't notice a lot because I had no comparison.

That was my son. 18 months, notably behind...and by 2.5 he said things to me like (no exaggeration) "Mommy, you don't need to lock the cabinet under the sink. I know there is poison under there. I won't drink it. I realize it would make me sick." It was weird. To say the least.

My pediatrician said it was because he was in a bilingual environment. Looking back, I know it was because he is wired differently.

Same with CWA, I knew my daughter was different but I thought she was brilliant and therefore different. I didn't truly know she was very very different as in something needs to be diagnosed until age 5.

I knew there was *something* going on when he could complete an pretty tricky alphabet puzzle when he was 2 and knew the entire 'cat in the hat' book by heart before his second birthday. We thought maybe gifted but then we knew there was other stuff going on too.

The day my daughter was born, I knew she wasn't like the other babies, but I had no idea that there was any reason to be concerned or that she'd get a diagnosis of anything later on. She screamed when I changed her first nappy (diaper) and didn't stop until she was fully clothed again. All subsequent nappy changes were the same, until she was toilet trained. She never seemed content, constantly wanting to suckle, but falling asleep within seconds, then waking up and crying, as soon as I tried to lay her down, then suckling, sleeping... This could go on for 90mins at a time, every couple of hours. Developmentally, most things were early. She was crawling at 7 months, cruising at 8 months, talking in complete sentences at a year (this should have been a red flag), feeding herself with a knife and fork at little over a year, although she was a year when she started to walk properly, which is average. So, as far as my health visitor was concerned, everything was terrific.

But, the terrible twos started at a little over a year and have only now subsided. As a toddler, taking her anywhere was a complete nightmare. She never wanted to sit in her buggy (stroller) and would struggle with me, if I tried to put her in it, much more than I've seen with other kids. She wanted to walk, but would neither take my hand, nor allow reins to be worn (we tried several types of restraint). She would lie on the ground or struggle to get away from me and she's particularly strong. Getting her dressed was also very difficult. When she was too young to do it herself, she'd fight and then remove clothing that I'd managed to get on her. When she was old enough to do it herself, she would do anything (draw, read, play) except what she was supposed to be doing. She wasn't cheeky, screaming or disruptive and has never been violent. But, at toddler classes, she stood out a mile from the other kids. She would never stay put at circle time, always wanting to go on the apparatus, or read the books, etc, never what she was meant to be doing. I was constantly chasing after her. At pre-school, her concentration problems became apparent, but, aside from that, her teachers said she was wonderful, pleasant natured and obviously highly intelligent.

She's now 6 1/2 and, in recent times, some of her self care skills have regressed. She no longer uses a knife and fork, will use a spoon for soup, cereal and baked beans, but prefers to use her fingers for other foods. Toilet training had been easy and early, but she wets herself from time to time, due to refusing to go to the toilet, even though she's obviously needing to go. She has a few weird phobias and some of things she dislikes can cause offence to others. She experiences extreme mood swings too.

Trying to figure out what was going on with her, I've read a lot of books on child psychology and have a growing library. The topics consist of spirited children, how to talk to your kids so they listen, highly sensitive people, sensory processing disorder, which are all relevant. When she was around 4/5, I thought maybe she had a mild form of ADHD. However, when she started school, I noticed social issues which had never been apparent before, especially as she's a friendly, outgoing little girl (to the extreme, which is another red flag). So, I started reading some more and somehow ended up at ASDs (in particular, Aspergers, although I'm not so certain about that now). That's when I spoke to the teachers (she started school a couple of months previously). Although they first tried to assure me that she was fine, after a few months, they agreed with my suspicions.

We're now close to the end of the assessment process. I'm not sure what the result will be - Aspergers, HFA, SPD, ADHD, a combination or just highly sensitive and really bright? We'll find out next week.

DITTO for my son. Exatly this. EVERYONE said his differences were due to his high intelligence. It was around 5 that I knew in my gut there was much more going on. I didnt know it was ASD though.

Mom of Peanut it sounds like we have similar little girls. For me it was around 3 years old when I noticed how my daughter stood out in gymnastics class, soccer, and preschool. It was watching my daughter with other kids when she wouldn't join circle time or do what the other kids were. I personally thought ADHD and I told a professional, who had knowledge of how things work in my area. And she said if you have a suspicion about anything to get it checked out and confirmed either way because money for these things runs dry once the child is finished kindergarten. So I went to a child psychologist not expecting anything. And she interviewed my husband and I, then took a visit to our daughter preschool and then she told us she suspected my daughter had High Functioning Autism. Which came as a surprise but made total sense once I looked into it.

It really is when you see them alongside other kids that you can spot the traits, isn't it? However, before I suspected ASD for myself, I'm sure I'd have been shocked had anyone mentioned it to me, even though I knew she was different and I had suspected mild ADHD for quite a while (which is making it's way slowly but surely onto the spectrum anyway). At the first parent's evening a few months after she started school, the teacher mentioned eye contact. I wasn't quite there yet with my suspicions, but I knew what she was suggesting (without saying it out loud). It really hit me quite hard. It was almost like a criticism of my daughter, when I know she was trying to be kind and not actually say the word 'autism'. She was allowing me to work it out. It wasn't long after that when I became almost certain about the ASD probability (and weirdly the school said that she was fine). She was about 5 then.

I wish someone had mentioned it to me sooner. If I'd known, especially when she was a toddler, then I wouldn't have felt like such a failure. I bumped into the baby gym instructor and told her about the assessment and she didn't seem in the least bit surprised. I know it wasn't her job to tell me, but she obviously knew from experience that my daughter had traits. I didn't have a clue then and could have done with a knowing mind making a suggestion (even a subliminal one would have sent me in the right direction).

Mummy f Peanut,

It IS when you ook at this alongside other kids that it really stands out. My son by himeslf had and has many great qualities, and even his difference arent that bad...until you enter him in a room full of peers. Then he stands out of the crowd.

My son was 15 months old when I suspected it. After he was DX I had his twin evaluated. I was surprised when he was also DX. (at 20 months)