Nothing but a disappointment as a wife

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...and I don't know how to do better. I zone out/shut down all the time, keep letting my husband down when he needs me to be strong and can't seem to "get" our son, who's been diagnosed with PDD_NOS.

All I can be relied on to do is provide a paycheck. I can't be consistent with anything else--housekeeping or childrearing or even affection. I don't know how to cheer him up when he's sad, can't afford to buy him presents on his birthday, don't know how to show him how much I care about him. If he had a job of his own, I'd propose a separation, just so he has a chance to find somebody normal. Or even if he didn't have a job, if I earned enough money, I'd set him free and set him up until he was situated.

I want to talk to him about this, but he is one of those who when he hears something that strikes a tone with him, he can go on for hours about his "gruesome" life. I usually zone out when he goes off like that because it's been the same thing for 10 years. Then the conversation is over. It becomes his monologue and I never get to say what I tried to say so he doesn't know how I feel about him. (He never asks me, either.)

He thinks I'm selfish. I'm starting to think he's right.

Why doesn't your husband have a job?

It kind of sounds like you think you should be doing everything; work, housework, and raising the children. That doesn't sound like equal distribution to me.

This sounds like a familiar story.... and sadens me.....Why doesn't he work ? and why do expect miricles from yourself... you can NEVER be everything to everyone...... it doesn't sound like an equal or fair relationship and with all due respect he sounds like a jerk.... i would be zoning out also if i had to deal with this kind of crap daily again... I have been there and done it.... I now try and live a drama free life if i can.... I am an Aspie, one of my daughters is also and i suspect my son is also.....it sounds to me like this man needs a wake up call, and some reality...... The reality is...YOU are good enough, your children should come first and maybe he should get off his ass and contribute somehow, be it at home or get a job. I hope i haven't offended you...but it makes me sad to read your post that you are feeling so down on yourself. I hoope things work out for the best

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We don't know the full story. There are a number of good reasons why a person might be unable to support their family.

You work and bring home the bacon and he calls you needy? Puhleeze! I think he's probably just not meeting your needs either. Maybe if both of you make a list of what you would like from the relationship that you aren't getting, THEN discuss it?

If you like though, I have the name of a great therapist who works on a sliding scale.

_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

In this economy and world, it's not uncommon to see a woman being a breadwinner. It's not traditional but if it's what works and keeps you fed and in a house, it's what you have to do.

Your husband should be picking up the house work and raising the children. If he's not doing this, he's a free loader.

I can't tell if your husband is legit ill or freeloading off you.

I have decided that I am going to take days off from work when DS is in full PDD-NOS mode and handle him so that DH won't feel like he's doing it all alone. Not that it will make a drop of difference in the ocean of DH's issues, but at least I'll feel like I'm contrig=butine.