Aspie friend never answers emails= Executive function?

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Aspertastic424
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23 Aug 2012, 4:33 pm

Ok, I just finished up college, but before I graduated I made friends with someone who I strongly suspect has aspergers. He was very clingy to me and told me he had never had friends in his life ever. He also tended to peserverate a lot :roll:

Anyway its kind of wierd, he was super clingy and talkative to me at school but never once has answered any of the 20 emails I have sent him since I graduated. When I saw him he said he always read them, but for some reason never answered them.


Is chronically not answering emails part of aspergers potentially?



Aspertastic424
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23 Aug 2012, 5:28 pm

anyone have any idea?



katzefrau
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23 Aug 2012, 6:09 pm

I know lots of NTs who don't answer emails. Lots of people get so much email they just blow things off.

Your aspie friend might not know to answer if the emails seem to him like they conclude by themselves and don't need an answer, but you'll never know unless you ask. It would be fair to conclude that email is not the best way to stay in touch with this individual.


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Aspertastic424
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23 Aug 2012, 6:09 pm

anyone at all/



daydreamer84
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23 Aug 2012, 8:07 pm

It could have to do with social anxiety. If he's never had a friend before he might be unsure of how to respond to a friend's email and it might make him anxious and cause him to avoid it. Or it could be executive functioning problems like you said. Maybe he's perseverating on one topic and quickly sees the email but then goes back to researching or just thinking about the topic and plans to respond to your emails but doesn't remember to because he's busy with his topic or just with daily activities.......just some possibilities.



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23 Aug 2012, 9:27 pm

It is entirely possible that it could be an issue with executive functioning. He may not know how to respond to the e-mails and might decide as a result not to respond at all.



Julia_Set
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24 Aug 2012, 2:35 am

katzefrau wrote:
It would be fair to conclude that email is not the best way to stay in touch with this individual.


This. I have a friend who is similar who has a lot of anxiety. He won't interact with you much via text message or email and almost never responds to messages sent electronically. If I call him though to speak with him, he is quite talkative and does ok. I think he just likes voice so he can have the real time reassurance that he's interacting ok. So I just call him now when I want to talk to him. Simple enough. :)



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26 Aug 2012, 12:50 am

Julia_Set wrote:
katzefrau wrote:
It would be fair to conclude that email is not the best way to stay in touch with this individual.


This. I have a friend who is similar who has a lot of anxiety. He won't interact with you much via text message or email and almost never responds to messages sent electronically. If I call him though to speak with him, he is quite talkative and does ok. I think he just likes voice so he can have the real time reassurance that he's interacting ok. So I just call him now when I want to talk to him. Simple enough. :)

Yes, it's a bit funny that most people here on WP assume that the best way of communication is writing, though I definitely feel that speaking can be a lot better due to immediate feedback. This way I may have an idea if the receiving party gets the message, and it can be a lot faster and more thorough, much more interactive, eventually making directing the conversation easier. Speaking requires more resources, more concentration, but it can be developed with patience. Ever since I've learned to speak over the phone at a fairly good level I often prefer it over writing messages.

As for not answering e-mails, one additional possibility is that he procrastinates answering the e-mail and after some time (a good deal of it) he just feels it's no more appropriate answering because it's too old.



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26 Aug 2012, 6:03 pm

OJani wrote:
As for not answering e-mails, one additional possibility is that he procrastinates answering the e-mail and after some time (a good deal of it) he just feels it's no more appropriate answering because it's too old.

That is exactly what I do...I think "I'll reply later". Then I forget, so it carries over days and weeks, then I just don't see the point in replying. I do it with text messages too. I know it's bad, but I don't do it on purpose.



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27 Aug 2012, 9:37 pm

If i want my aspie friend to reply sometimes i have to make it OBVIOUS to him i want a reply... mind you i tend not to reply if i cant figure out what to say even in text...



ral31
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28 Aug 2012, 1:13 pm

That would be my suggestion, make the need for a reply obvious. Ask a question at the end of the email. I would ask two questions. One that is specific and another more generalized. The specific question might prompt him to reply and the generalized one (hopefully) will prompt him to chat more.


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