Stuck in reverse - need help

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I am in serious trouble right now. I don't know what to do.

I will preface this by saying I've been diagnosed with social anxiety, depression, etc., but the autism went unnoticed. I am certain I have it though.

I seem to be getting worse as I age. My meltdowns have increased, and my obsessions are growing stronger. I feel like my brain is out of control. I'm a senior in college and today was my first day back to school. Always a difficult and nerve-wracking adjustment, of course. I have gone several years struggling in school. My nervous system goes into overdrive and I experience significant anxiety, especially sitting in class. I sit there so fear-stricken that I can't move. I worry about making appropriate eye contact with the professor and looking "normal." My mind races with nervous thoughts, leaving me with minimal mental energy to actually learn. I have to rely solely on my natural abilities because I cannot even focus when I study. It's so hard to cope, but who would believe I have problems when they're not in my head and see I still manage to maintain a high GPA? I feel like I'm at a breaking point. I'm left with no energy at the end of the day, and can't even sleep because my brain seems to love chaos and confusion and refuses to shut down for some rest. I'm sick of life being so difficult. I have tried meds and am too sensitive to them. I have had therapy for social anxiety, depression, and abuse, but not autism. I thought about taking steps to get accommodations at college, but what can they really do? The worst part for me is being in a classroom, but I can't just not go to class.

Sounds pretty similar to my situation. You've pretty much tried everything that immediately came to my mind when I noticed it was becoming a problem. If therapy/drugs don't work... I don't know.

Have you tried overcoming specific anxieties? For example the appropriate eye-contact thing. Surely there's a way to get you to feel more confidant in social situations? If you have someone you trust, talk to them about it and see if you can practice with them in conversation. The more you expose yourself to it the more comfortable you'll be (assuming you're getting it reasonably correct), and once you manage that see if you can roleplay other situations, or brainstorm 'strategies' that you can use. Just general rules for different situations.

If you are more worried about your studies at this point, maybe try no eye contact in class and just focus on learning.

If you're worried about sleep I know a couple of things you can try:

1. Stay away from technology for about an hour before bed time. Computers, tv etc. keep you stimulated so it's good to just drop it back before you go to sleep.
2. Don't eat anything! Leave like a 4-5 hr gap between your last meal and your set bed time. The idea is the less energy you put into your body the more tired you'll be. Worth a shot?
3. Maintain a stable routine. Going to sleep at a regular time throughout the week basically trains your body to see it coming. If it expects sleep at a certain time your body's internal body clock thing will start to slow down activity in the brain around that time. This ties into #1 a little bit. If you do it regularly your body should start to recognise it as a precursor to sleep.

Not a 100% guarantee that it will get you to sleep on time every night but it may be worth a shot.

Finally, in regards to the diagnoses and stuff... If your uncertainty in social situations is the cause of your anxiety then it's a problem worth dealing with. Have you considered seeing a therapist that specialises in working with autism? They are probably in the best position to help you here, regardless of whether you have autism or not. It's kind of what they're trained to do. Might be worth talking to one if available.

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Anyway, hope some of that helps. Good luck.

First of all I am sorry that you are having so much trouble and are in one of the most demanding situations life has to offer--college. I don't have any experience dealing with autism but I do know a lot about depression and anxiety. One thing you mentioned is the difficulty keeping up appearances, in other words hiding your problems from everyone in an effort to appear normal. Even though it is easier than explaining how you really feel and why to the generally ignorant public, it is still very hard to keep it all to yourself. If you have anyone you can turn to, my advice would be to talk as much about your real feelings as possible to that person or persons. Do not underestimate how much this can help reduce anxiety. If you feel there's no one you can talk to about your problems, look into whether or not your college has a wellness center (that's what they called it at my college) where you can go for support. They are prepared to counsel students for these very reasons, and you would not be viewed as odd or abnormal.
I sure hope things get better for you, I know how hard it can be. Remember that your self-worth is not defined by your grades and that your spirit is not measured by your illness.

My Aspergers-related difficulties grew much worse over the years I was attending University, especially those involving social anxiety. I found that I was quite comfortable in large lecture halls where I was lost in the crowd and had little or no direct interaction with anyone, but as I got to higher level courses and the class sizes shrunk I began to have more and more trouble. Courses where there were just a few of us sitting around a table with the prof proved to be too much to handle and caused me some severe issues. This, along with my inability to stick to just one area of study (I wanted to learn everything) led to me spending several extra years in university doing lower level courses in a very wide variety of fields.

Anyway, when I finally decided that I had to finish my degree (any degree at this point) and get out of there I couldn't do it. I simply couldn't make myself go to those small, intimate discussion classes. I eventually got help through my school's Disability Services office and my faculty head. We arranged it so that I could enroll in the classes I needed but rather than attend them I completed them at home and corresponded with my prof via email and occasional office visits. I had to do extra writing and research assignments to make up for the missed discussion component of the course, but this was fine with me as I excel at research papers.

It took a bit of work to get this in place, as it created extra workload for the professors which agreed to do it (not all would) but I don't think I ever could have finished my program otherwise.