Feel less free being unemployed than I would being employed

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It may sound ironic but it's true. If I was working, I would be able to do whatever I want on my days off without anybody getting on to me. But I feel I can't ever do what I want when I'm on job-seekers, because I've got to be free whenever the job centre calls me. I'm not saying I scrounge off of job-seekers, no way! I do my best to look for work, I had an interview earlier this week, and I also do voluntary work at week-ends (so that I can try to keep the week as free as I can). But socialising is also important to anyone (if you like that sort of thing), but sometimes I feel I can't make arrangements with friends in case the job centre rings and I've got to be avaliable. And I do hate letting people down.

I just wish I had a job, or will get this job I have recently applied for. That way I will be able to do my own thing more, without feeling under pressure that I shouldn't be doing anything other than look for work. It's rather soul-destroying, being so I am wasting my life away being on job-seekers. You're only young once, but I can't go out and do anything because I've got to be avaliable. I've got to do something with myself during the week, there's only so much job searching one can do in a day, and I can't waste my life sitting indoors staring at the telephone every day.

It's not fair, why can't somebody give me a job and forget about this stupid disability I am cursed with?! They get foreign people who really can't hardly speak English to actually be a receptionist, so surely I should get a chance too to be giving a job, whether it's challenged against my limits or not. Then I will be free for the first time in my life!

I'm an administrative assistant in the US and part of my job is receptionist duties. It IS hard, but doable. I didn't know I was AS till long after I started working here but it was like all of a sudden, when I found out I had AS, something "clicked" that explained why certain parts of my job were harder than they should be. By that same token, I think my AS has helped me in other areas - I do things others in my position don't because I can be like a dog with a bone when I want to accomplish something.

So, there's upsides and downsides.

That said, I DO understand where you're coming from - I was a temp (contract worker) for a few years before I got this job and it was hard. Something that may help you (and help you kill time) is to practice with programs like Excel, Word, Power Point, typing speed, etc. This will help you in the long run and *give you a goal to work towards* - something I find VERY important when you're feeling a bit helpless. If that's not enough, try getting a book on a subject you like - no matter how practical it might be - and studying on your own. Want to learn Latin? Computer programming? Use this time as an advantage, as much as you can.

I can't promise it'll work out in the end...but there are steps you can take to make sure you're happier while you're waiting!