The ego/self?

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This is based on my experience on WP and admittedly myself, but it may appear that aspies are very concerned about themselves (besides the fact that the etymology of 'autism' is translated into, like, 'selfism').

If anyone ever observed, a typical forum thread on here goes like:

OP: Me, me, me!

Re: me too!

Re: me too!

etc.

Often it seems like no one notices any other poster except the topic. Now, while it's just fine for a while as nearly everyone agrees with everything I say (yay!) it ends up feeling like an echobox.

Do you reckon this is true? If so, does that mean we are more selfish than the average NT, or is it merely an indication of being more in tune with ourselves?

I think a lot of people are like this. And yeah, I'm self-obsessed a bit. I'll admit it.

But as for topics and reading other people's replies...
I don't just read the original post and then reply; I read all of the messages before I reply, or at least slowly skim through all of them.
With some posts, the person is basically just asking others "share your experience", so naturally the following replies will be about the person posting.

This is a forum about autism and autism is something that happens in a person and a lot of people here are trying to compare their experiences with others... *shrugs*

me too, me too!

Why would I be here if I didn't want to talk about myself?

I think it's how we relate to each other. Because none of us on the spectrum can say what it was like if we didn't actually have the experience so we share with 'me too!' and 'it was like this for me' if we had the experience.

No...I think maybe people here don't bother with a lot of small talk so if someone posts a topic people post their similar experiences if they feel it is relevant, and may not always know exactly what to say or express. That's my theory could be wrong, but either way I don't think it really has anything to do with selfishness. As selfishness would more be intentionally putting yourself first without regards to anyone else.

Feels kinda ironic that you made a topic just to say this...

Isn't this behaviour what conversations are all about? At least that's how I feel when I listen to people talking.


I thought the common aspie trait was to talk about their own interests and ignore other people's interests, not to talk about their own lives.

Or maybe autistic people may have difficulties expressing themselves IRL, so they tend to use the forum to express themselves?

But no, I haven't really noticed a trend like that here at WP. I think it's worse on Facebook or Twitter. Those were created by the "me-too"-concept.

I agree. That makes more sense than saying everyone is selfish.

I've noticed when I start threads, in my sensitivity, I will acknowledge what others have said and not leave it all in a vacuum. There's effort involved in crafting a poster and I believe they like would some payback, at least on a well thought out comment - not leave it blank - like take the info. and run with it. As an analogy: Someone gives you a drink - you take the glass and swallow it - and say nothing in return- the glass is slapped down on the table with an Ahh belch!. I'd say Internet anonymity is partly to blame.... it's hard to realize that are actual people behind these posters.

Another nice protocol : When participating in threads: not to repeat what's in another poster without some acknowledgement of that.

I think the "me too" is part of what people are looking for when they talk about a connection with other people, feeling understood.
However, this "me too" can have a variety of qualities. It can be a one-liner that doesn't really add anything. It can be a text that addresses a lot of the original post and adds personal experience, thoughts, maybe advice to it. It can also be a whole book.

It's also true that everyone can only speak from his or her own experience, so whatever somebody says, it will always have to be "about me". At the same time, to a certain degree it is possible to try to put yourself in the other person's shoes, to see things from their position in life, and then combine one's own experience with the other person's experience as described in his or her post. This requires a certain amount of work though, and it is usually not easy. So most people won't do it - there are myriads of other posts even in this forum after all, and then there's the rest of the world that demands attention. Each thread in a forum like this one has such a short half-llife. There's a tiny 'blip'-moment where people pay attention to your thread, and then it vanishes into the depth of the internet archives and nobody cares anymore.

This would be my complaint (notice how I change the topic to something more interesting to me...) - there are too many people who just write from their own perspective without making an effort to bridge the gap to that other person, often even trying to make people talk about them and their problems instead of what the thread was before. Wait, I think I may just have done that now. Sorry.
So it's my experience that while there are often interesting discussions on here and it's somewhat calming to see there are other people with similar problems, a lot of the time it doesn't feel very substantial. It has a lot in common with the internet in general - very short attention span, everyone trying to keep up with a flood of information coming at them, many people just looking for a little banter or simple entertainment, and as a result less depth in individual interactions between people.

First of all we are all people with feelings and so on and we want to be understood, connect to other people and so on.
Even a lot of autistic people want to have one or the other form of social contact, maybe not with NTs, but even writing here is kind of a form of social contact.

And second a lot of people here want to figure out whats "wrong with them".
So I have the questions espessially with my trauma and my depressions, who sometimes just stop after months and I feel "hyper", if this is Bipolar or not.
So, I could also write about that in specific forums, but I made the experience that even comorbidities are slightly different in autistic people and so I have here a much higher change to get answers that help me understand myself and my problems.
And so a lot of times I really cross over information where I think: "oh, that's exactly what I was looking for, I behave exactly like this." or something simmilar.

I've seen people be very supportive of an OP. I've seen OPs thank people for responding. I've seen people connect their experiences with those of other posters. I've seen people respond to a post with "^this" to show they've read a post and feel the same way as the person who made it, so they don't have to post their own comment. I've seen people respond to a thread by recommending, and linking to, another thread, or a specific post in another thread, even if it isn't their own. I've seen good advice both given and acknowledged. I think lots of people read posts beyond the OP, as I do. So, I'm honestly not sure what prompted this complaint, I guess. Maybe I'm just reading different threads.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kw02oX3_uC8[/youtube]

TheSunAlsoRises

You are right. Many people just answer that they have similar problems.
But there is not so many real answers.

But, if you answer something a bit more personal to some unknown persons that feels strange as well for them.

And if I get an answer like "I know that, too" that doesn't do very much to me, because usually I am searching for a solution, and that you wont get like this.

To answer a question like this is in that way also a bit selfish
or maybe a mixture of sugerated "you are not alone"
and "Oh that's interesting I have the same problem"

"I know that too" seems more like a natural answer and connects.
But frustrating is that this doesn't help me to know that there are others somewhere far away that have the same problem.
I want to fight my problems.

But, quite many supply more informations than this and describe the problems in more detail from which you can elaborate some insights.

Maybe I should also start some more threads because that is also something that is quite a "work" with the big "unknown", is there going to be people that answer or not
and that what they are going to say useful for you or not.

Then, if you have a long thread that takes to read all of it through, something that many here cannot do.
Well now I went also into somewhat other direction...

Understanding is thus a second thing. And explaining the third. Yeah, pretty bad, that it usually goes that way.
I think quite many are just too frustrated to get it right or put too much efford into it.



About selfishness

For me reality looks quite different. I help people a lot in my job, there where I can.
(And I can because I have a lot experience because they are about 10 years younger)

I tend to do the dirty work because otherwise nobody does it
I do the necessary stuff that nobody dares to do (everybody just does his own stuff and as fast as possible)
and sometimes I have really trouble with my own stuff.

I hate this kind of attitude to look like only 1 week into future
and not think about anything just do things how they are supposed to be done
because otherwise you get punished
(even if you solved some important problems)

Like, who would be that stupid? Me.

Hmm, I don't really like having a condition that is practically another word for ''extremely selfish''. I've been in plenty of situations where I have been very thoughtful.

If I didn't want to talk about myself, I wouldn't be here.