How to relate to moms at a playgroup?

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Hello, my son is 13 months old and I [most likely] have AS. I haven't been getting him out of the house enough because socializing makes me very uncomfortable, and when he was born we had just relocated to this region, so I didn't even know where to start. I decided to force myself to join a play group/babysitting co-op, mostly for his sake. This will give me a much needed break when its not my turn to babysit...but I'm very nervous about when it is my turn.

I'm not very good with young children, and I tend to zone out when I'm in a new situation and just ignore everything around me. Obviously, this isn't going to be acceptable as I'll be expected to watch other people's children. Aside from that, I'm sure that the other moms are going to be viewing this as an opportunity to socialize and get to know the other mothers in the area. I don't really know how to relate to mothers, or what to talk about, or how to respond. Half the time I just end up going on and on about how I cloth diaper my son, and I think they take that to mean that I think I'm better than them...but the truth is that it's really all I can think to say. I'm extra worried about this particular situation because I'm already going to be frazzled with trying not to zone out and ignore the children, and I really feel like I'm going to have a difficult time trying to chit chat on top of that.

I guess what I'm asking is...can some of you other mothers please inform me of some "play-group" appropriate topics that I can try to pre-prepare for in advance? What do moms typically chat about? What kinds of questions should I be asking when I think it's my turn to speak?

Thank you!!

Mothers love to talk about their kids! say something nice about one of the kids. There is a good chance that itwill get them rambeling about their precious child and then you just smile and listen. Remember that you are there for your kid. So if you dont really become friends with the mothers its ok. You can also ask them for advice about something stupid like baby food.. That will make them feel so clever. Good luck.

Are dads allowed to answer?

I agree with the above, the main topic of conversation in playgroups is your kids, definitely! Talk about what food they like, milestones, what new words they learned, stuff like that.

You can also use the fact that you're fairly new to the area as a topic of conversation. Ask which parks they like and why, good restaurants, whether there are free concerts or free activities worth taking advantage of, best mom and me classes, good car mechanic, doctors who listen well, etc.

Only talk about cloth diapering and breast feeding if they are also doing so with their child -- if they are not, you might unintentionally hurt some feelings.

Mom and me groups often splinter into smaller subgroups. Look for regularly recurring events like story hour at the library, and if some of the other women are taking their kids, take yours too. Repeated proximity will help to keep you included.

MOPS might be good for you due to the structured format. For me it didn't leave enough time for small talk, but you might find that an advantage.

I cloth diapered and BF as well. Only answered questions about the cloth if people asked. And most people did ask!

I stay away from playgrounds, since I am a grotesque-looking middle-aged white male.

Thanks for all of the helpful tips, everyone!

I don't know if every MOPS is done the same way, but here is how the one I attended was structured.

You sit at the same table with the same group of women every time (I think we met biweekly), and there is one older woman in her 50's or 60's who is supposed to be sort of a mentor. At the beginning, you get breakfast from a buffet (twice during the season your table has to bring items for the buffet), and there is a small period of time free for small-talk, then an opening prayer. The mentor has each person in turn at the table share a few words about their "blessings and challenges" -- things like a milestone or a child having a febrile seizure. I can't remember whether the speaker comes next or later on, but somebody they invite in speaks for about half an hour on varied topics, a few I remember are meal plannning, parenting techniques, and a singer who overcame alcoholism with the help of religion. There was a period of about 15 minutes where there is an assigned topic ie "What challenges do you face when it comes to feeding your family" and everyone at the table takes a turn. Then everyone gets up by tables to go do the craft activity. I guess you could have some small talk while in line and while doing your craft. Finally a closing prayer. Once or twice pre semester you miss about half the meeting for your turn babysitting the kids. At our location they also had older people hired or voluntering in the babysitting rooms, so it wasn't like you were on your own with the kids.

It would've been better if I'd been able to go consistently and gotten to know people more -- my son was 5 and had a lot of days off preschool that conflicted with the schedule, plus my twins kept getting sick. I was raised in a protestant faith but have since stopped attending church, so the religious aspect of it felt a little awkward for me as well.

I did the "mom and me" playgroup until my daughter was old enough to attend nursery school on her own. It did seem like most of the moms were there as much to make friends for themselves as to socialize their kids, which I found hard to deal with.

Definitely most talk will be about the kids and a lot of moms will talk endlessly about their child once you get them started. An easy way I found to keep the conversation going is to reflect questions back to the other person. Like if another mom asks what your son likes to play with, you can give a short answer and then follow up with "and what does your son like to play with?" or maybe something less obvious, but you know, not a whole new topic. That way you don't have to constantly be thinking up new subjects and the conversation won't awkwardly die either.

I always tended to gravitate toward the chatty moms because they were better at doing all of the "heavy lifting" in a conversation and I could just focus on giving completely stupid sounding answers.

Give them lots of opportunities to talk and you won't have to. Moms like to brag about their kids. I do this because if I say more than one or two terse sentances I start to blather and make connections and continue to blather off in tangents and I think it weirds people out.

As far as watching the kids, just make sure they don't die.

I'm in a similar situation, I'm going to be leading my daughters daisy troop. I'm more confident about handling and interacting with the children than with the adults. I'm not doing it to make friends with the parents. I'm doing it because girls scouts is important to helping girls achieve and succeed in life. It helped me tons when I was a kid. I'm actually going to actively avoid interacting much with the parents, I'm worried they'll think I'm strange and take their child out of the troop. Not what I want.

Ask your friends help with a problem you are having...example, diaper rash, sleeping thru the night, fussy eating..these things open up other conversation and show your guests you appreciate them and trust their parenting skills.