Do ASD's have the need to marry?

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BrokenBill
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19 Sep 2012, 12:43 am

I don't seem to have the need to walk down the aisle or go to a marriage registry.
I'm in a de-facto relationship, been together for 23 years and have two daughters 19 and 21.
My partner does say she would like to get married and that would make her feel Like she 'belongs'

Just don't feel like I want/need to go down that path.
Is it just me? How do you feel about marriage, wether the civil service or full blown church wedding?

Yes or no and a little of why please?


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19 Sep 2012, 8:28 am

I know I want a monogamous relationship if I find the right person to spend the rest of my life with, but I don't care all that much about if being official, although that might be important in case one of us dies.
But I do very much like the idea of having a ring for some reason, something that proves you are tied to another person. I also think a wedding day would be awesome, a very very happy day in your life. If you get to have it any way you want, which you do. Marriage may be one of those things remaining from the old days where it was about possession, but now it seems important mostly emotionally. And I sort of get that, being someones wife/husband and making it clear that this is your person so to speak. I think it sound kind of nice choosing someone officially, to spend the rest of your life with. Even though I would probably be fine with it being unofficial to :)



Colinn
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19 Sep 2012, 8:56 am

Its something I've discussed in the past, and I honestly doubt I would ever get married. The only plus side I can see would be certain tax breaks and other benefits. I'm not sure why people have the burning desire to validate the relationship they have to everyone they know by having some flash ceremony and reception. Do they feel the need to prove it to other people and show off or are they scared their significant other will run off if they don't get that piece of paper? Either way, the whole thing makes no sense to me.

Perhaps your partner feels left out in a way, as society projects this idea that you must be married in order to be considered a happy, committed couple. Marriage isn't a factor in that, it doesn't change who you as people and doesn't make issues in the relationship disappear or improve by default as some seem to think. If someone had a tendency to cheat for example, would that piece of paper really stop them from doing it? Also, congrats to you and your partner for being together for 23 years :) Further proof that you don't need to be legally bounded to have a successful long term relationship.



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19 Sep 2012, 9:07 am

ASDs do not get married as psychiatric conditions do not marry.

Some people with ASDs want to marry, some don't. Some NTs want to marry, some don't.


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19 Sep 2012, 10:28 am

Personally, I would like a traditional (or similar) wedding, but if my spouse did not want want a legally or religiously binding contract, I wouldn't push it. A believe a marriage is a celebration, as is the wearing of rings. Gay men who have civil partnerships, and not marriages, sometime wear wedding rings.

If you partner really wants to, and you are simply not bothered, then I say do it. It is the acknowledgement of the bond you share. Also, I think there are tax and 'bereavement' reasons.



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19 Sep 2012, 11:04 am

Ganondox wrote:


Some people with ASDs want to marry, some don't. Some NTs want to marry, some don't.

I'd be the type that doesn't want to, I don't need a legal contract to prove my love for my partner.


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19 Sep 2012, 11:51 am

I didn't feel the need to, I just did it to satisfy my husband's need for security. He places a lot of emphasis on certain societal norms that don't seem all that important to me. I'd rather not have changed my name, but it made him happy, so whatever. I'm still me--whoever that is. :roll:


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19 Sep 2012, 5:17 pm

I married because you get a tax break for it. I wanted to be with my husband and I didn't see the need to marry if you can live together for the rest of your lives. Then he told me you get a tax break if you marry so I decided to do it after all.


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19 Sep 2012, 6:29 pm

I want to get married because of the legal ramifications. I've been with my partner for four years and we are engaged - just not planning the wedding, yet. I think I will make the wedding extremely simple.


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BlackDwarf
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19 Sep 2012, 6:42 pm

I've no need for marriage or to get involved with anyone. I just simply fail to see the point, even if the rest of society does see a point.



nick007
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20 Sep 2012, 11:44 pm

I have the desire to get married because I think of my girlfriend as my partner & I would like the legal rites for her to be. I also want to be able to say we're married so we'd sound more serious to others & so others won't be judgmental about us living together. It likely won't be practical for us to get married for quite a while because I'm on SSDI due to physical disabilities & she's on SSI due to anxiety & other emotional things. She'd lose most of her SSI(& she'd lose it all if I did get a job because I do want to work) & it would screw up her section8 & other assistance that won't be as affected by us living together unmarried. I really would not want to have a wedding ceremony & just go to a judge instead like an elopment type thing


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20 Sep 2012, 11:48 pm

I kind of do, but I have a lot of impediments to overcome, nanely respectability issues. I fear time is not on my side.....


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20 Sep 2012, 11:58 pm

moved from Random Discussion to Love & Dating


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21 Sep 2012, 1:00 am

I would like to be married, but I don't think it should be a prerequisite for sex or parenthood.

I wouldn't do it for tax purposes, because it wouldn't be fair to her, and I live in a places where taxes are already low (could be lower if Romney wins the election).


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21 Sep 2012, 1:45 am

The very idea of being married terrifies me plus following some plan or expectation of how things should be is just not my style, I'd rather be spontaneous and just let things flow naturally. Marriage is an outdated idea imposed by the church in my opinion, it's a dated religious tradition that was created for oppression.



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21 Sep 2012, 4:30 am

Wolfheart wrote:
Marriage is an outdated idea imposed by the church in my opinion, it's a dated religious tradition that was created for oppression.


To wander of topic slightly...
Monogamous marriage is actually beneficial to society. If one man was more powerful, rich, or good looking than every other man, he would get a lot of women. This is true in modern society, but marriage effectively limits a person to one partner. Because of this rationing, there are not hordes of people dissatisfied enough to revolt against the many-wived. Lack of partners can cause more anger than lack of wealth. Not created for oppression, but to appease the angry, and satisfy the masses. I am not against polygamy between few consenting people.

The Christian religion refers some of the 'biblical generations' as having multiple wives. Other religions, I believe, also have non-monogamous marriages. However, marriage existed as non-religious bonding in many societies hundreds, if not thousands of years ago. Some of these had formalised ceremonies, and others didn't