aspie women and boyfriends

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Ok. I've been reading here for a long time and I notice That alot of women on here have boyfriends or husband. But don't take this the wrong way, I don't believe alot of women here really have boyfriends I tell you why. Ok I saw this video once about a bunch of mid 30 year women who never been on date or in a relationship and these women were attractive, very social and yet had no boyfriends.
Now how is that all you aspie women who can't even make a single friend somehow have a boyfriend or a husband. I don't get how any aspie women can even be in long term relationship. I thought aspergers had social problems. I know that men ask women out and stuff but wouldn't most aspie women not get pass the first date. Wouldn't their ackward behavior scare most men off?
Im sure most of you aspie ladies are nice lady and stuff but I just don't get how so many of you can be so good in relationship yet there are so many very social nt women out there who can't even get a date.

First point: I don't think that women on these groups are 'lying' about having partners. Personality disorder or not, we are all capable of finding soulmates.

Second point: I am a heterosexual man. I know from experience that my social inadequacies put women, in particular, off having relationships with me. Nonetheless I have found ladies who have understood me and been able to form relationships. I'm never going to be a Don Juan however (I wouldn't want to be!)

I think that there is some genetic or social disposition to be repulsed by people who find social activities challenging. It may well be generally the case that heterosexual men are less put off my socially insecure women than vice versa. In general terms social confidence is perhaps less important than other traits such as personality and shared interests for men. Hence it may be 'more likely' for heterosexual women with unconventional traits to find partners than chaps.

What a strange question! Are you jealous, or just confused?

It's not at all improbable that either women OR men with Asperger's have boyfriends/girlfriends or spouses. Or friends, for that matter. You saw one video about NT women who didn't have boyfriends and you think more of them are single than Asperger women? Admit it, that's kind of a quick and baseless assumption, isn't it? It was only one video, and even though they were NT, they may have had other problems, or just different preferences.

Do you not know any women with Asperger's? Even though we have trouble connecting with others, a lot of us are still able to carry on in our own quirky social lives. Females are especially good at mimicking the behavior of NT's in order to seem more "normal".

Also, did you know that sometimes, Asperger women marry Asperger men? Whoa! It's like they totally understand each other's social problems!

Hi
I can only speak for myself. I am a married woman. My husband was very persistant. We have been married for 20+ years. He has told me that he was/is attracted to my honesty, loyalty, work ethic, IQ. He is also physically attracted to me as well. Although my husband does not have aspergers, he is not an overly social person either. We have had our ruff and bad times in our relationship but we are both very logical people and have always worked through the problems. I guess you can say we are soul mates. We have only been married to each other, no previous marriages.

I guess it depends on the woman and how asperger's effects her. Like all people on the spectrum, it effects people more strongly in different areas.

i'm nearly 21 and never had a boyfriend, commitment freaks me out a boyfriend would change all my routine my life in fact. also i don't know how to talk to guys or form friendships let alone a real relationship which is like more intense than a friendship, i worry about the future with regards to this, i see myself being alone.

''First point: I don't think that women on these groups are 'lying' about having partners. Personality disorder or not, we are all capable of finding soulmates'': Then how come men with asperger don't have much luck with the ladies. Women with severe ocd are also single and People with severe mental illness are also single

''What a strange question! Are you jealous, or just confused?''
Nope just trying to figure out this dating thing

''It's not at all improbable that either women OR men with Asperger's have boyfriends/girlfriends or spouses. Or friends, for that matter. You saw one video about NT women who didn't have boyfriends and you think more of them are single than Asperger women? Admit it, that's kind of a quick and baseless assumption, isn't it? It was only one video, and even though they were NT, they may have had other problems, or just different preferences''.
Of course not there a few people with asperger that are in a relationship including men. It more then just one video. There are alot of more social nt women who can't even get dates.

Yup, I'm 29 and have never had a boyfriend or a girlfriend. I suppose I may, someday, but since I'm asexual, that drastically reduces the potential group of people I could pair up with and not feel like I was denying them something they wanted out of a relationship. I'm happy this way, though; I'm contributing to the world. I don't need an exclusive pair-bond to do that.

The Aspie females I've met have probably had a dating advantage over Aspie guys, because women aren't expected to be confident and outgoing to the degree that men are. We're not expected to make the first move.

The AS tendency to talk about concrete things such as one's hobbies, ideas, and experiences may be more unusual in a girl than in a guy, but in a dating relationship it could give her an advantage. She often breaks the female stereotype in terms of hobbies and interests and is more likely to share interests; so their dating can focus around their interests, a lot more of "doing things together" than plain high-pressure socializing. They may develop a relationship that's more like a romantic friendship than a traditional romance.

But there's the flip side, and it's a scary one. AS girls are very, very vulnerable to abuse. Many of us are easy to manipulate. Many of us don't know how to identify an abusive relationship when we're in one. Being socially isolated makes it hard to find help. Fearing change and the unknown makes it harder to break away. Those weaknesses are found in AS males too, but in females, they're especially dangerous.

I don't know how, but I'm not lying and don't appreciate being accused of it.
Maybe social nt women annoy men?

EDIT: Ok, I'll give you a serious answer although I doubt you're going to listen when you start off with accusations of lying . I find it much easier to talk to men than to women. Men seem to have lower expectations when it comes to social skills (and assertiveness) than women do, which would translate to dating being easier for straight aspie women than straight aspie men. If I had to find a female partner, I don't think I would be able to do it, but I've had a boyfriend or husband for most of my adult life (although that doesn't mean my relationships were problem-free).

On the other hand, I've hardly ever had even one female friend, and those friendships I had didn't last long. Talking to guys is easy mode socializing, talking to women is heroic mode.

so what Im getting is that men are more nicer than women when comes to dating people with aspeger. But yet how come women with severe ocd and hoarding problem can't keep a man. So alot of you aspie women must be alot nicer than the average nt women as well. so what advice would you give to these nt women who can't get a man or keep a man

First: AS is a spectrum. Not all people with AS have the same "issues". I read an article about women with AS once, and it said women with AS use to be diagnosed less frequently because women tend to copy the behavior of their peers, so their social limitations are less visible. That said...
I am an NT woman married to an Aspie. My husband had 2 girlfriends before we met. So yes, people with AS can have relationships. I also have NT female friends my own age who are alone. It has nothing to do with how good you look or the social skills you have. It has more to do with how much you want to be with someone else... how much you are willing to give to keep your relationship alive.
By the way, I do not know how you got your stats. I think a lot of people in this site is single.

I don't rightly know how to respond to this, but I'll try.

Firstly, the people who are so antisocial that they've never made s single friend have probably never been in a relationship either - and I doubt you'll find many posts on here that profess otherwise.

Secondly, not everyone who is on the spectrum - I'd wager very few, actually - are so antisocial that they've never had a friend. The vast majority might find making friends difficult, or find it hard to maintain friendships, or make poor choices in friends, but I really think you've built up a straw man here. I guess i'll give you that those traits make finding a partner more challenging, but that doesn't make it impossible for everyone by a long shot.

Thirdly, as others have mentioned, aspie women, for whatever reason, appear to be (on average) better adapters or imitators, and as such it makes a certain amount of sense that those types of people would have less trouble with social interaction. I still am not sure if the widely felt social anxiety is actually part of autism, or if it's something that often develops because of some other features of the spectrum. Regardless, it is becoming pretty common knowledge that women on the spectrum tend to do a 'better' job of blending in socially, and it stands to reason that friendships and relationships would come more easily to them.

Fourthly... In my case, both my relationships have grown out of friendships, which I have WAY less trouble cultivating with men. I think it's because the social rules are simpler with guys, and they chalk up differences to me just being a chick. From posts I've read here, i assume other women have done similarly.

And lastly, don't forget there are predatory types out there, and folks on the spectrum really are more vulnerable to people like that.


PS - if you like, I can post pics to 'prove' I have a boyfriend =p

Well first of all Asperger's Syndrome is a big spectrum. You can be very low functioning or very high functioning or somewhere in between. Some people don't have the same traits as others. A lot of people with Asperger's Syndrome date people with Asperger's Syndrome as well or even a neurotypical. Everybody is an individual whether you are neurotypical or are on the autism scale. Just because the neurotypical woman may be attractive doesn't mean that she doesn't have any other issues with her. Also, people with Asperger's Syndrome can be attractive as well believe it or not.

or is that men are just more nicer to women with asperger. But then again most men would not stay with a women who has ocd or is a hoarder though. Yet I see so many nt women out there who can't even get dates at all and these women are very attractive, succesful, and have alot of female friends. But what I read here is that aspie women get along with men very well. Which I assume most aspie women have more ''male brain'' I guess?. I said in another post you aspie seem to be like lesbians who like men.
What advice would you give to nt women who can't get or keep a man.

so here a question. Why do some of you aspie women have such luck when comes to relationship but yet there are alot nt women who just suck at relationships. My whole point of this thread is. Out of the all women. You aspie seem to have the best luck in relationship, not only can you ladies find a man. You ladies can keep a man as well. and also you seem to be able to talk to men better than you can with women. Yet alot of nt women out there don't have this kind of luck when comes to men. Alot of Nt women can't get or keep a man for more then a month. And this not a aspie men vs aspie women thing. This is more of a nt women vs aspie women thing.

Even though aspie women usually have more social difficulties than NT women, it doesn't mean we can't have boyfriends/husbands. There are several aspie women here who are or have been in a relationship before. We can learn some social skills and date. It's definitely not impossible. When I was 15 years old, I thought aspie women couldn't find relationships either. From being on WP and from my own experience, I know that's not true. I even have NT friends who are my same age or older, and have never been on a date or kissed anyone. Having AS doesn't automatically condemn anyone to be permanently lonely. You just seem to be making a blind assumption from your own ideas OP.