Friends Exes...Off Limits?

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My friend "Melanie" had a summer fling with a guy, and now that they've broken up, I've been thinking about pursuing the guy. I mentioned this to another friend, "Julie," and she said it would hurt Melanie if I did this without her permission. I find this completely ridiculous. They had an a brief, emotionally uninvolved romance. Julie pressed this so urgently that I agreed to consult Melanie before asking out the guy, and I suppose it isn't too much of an inconvenience since I doubt she'll refuse to allow me to date him, but I just find it unnecessary. Thoughts?

I don't think he's "off limits" but it wouldn't hurt to ask first. Dating friend's exes is a bit of a social taboo.

What you are describing sounds like a scene that was in the movie "Mean Girls". I would side with you, but according to the movie which seems to show how society acts, that is a social no no. I have never personally known anyone in that situation so I'm not sure if the movie truly reflexs real life in that regard. Best of luck

its kinda like having sloppy seconds, as we say in australia.

Lol well Elisha Cuthbert is Canadian as well

Hi, I think there's kind of a socially assumed "statue of limitations" say in the neighborhood of three months.

If you like, you can ask you friend "Melanie" in a low-key way as a courtesy. It does sound like your other friend is overselling the whole thing.

It is not like asking for her permission, but if "Melanie" is really your friend you should talk to her before asking the guy out. Why? Because she might still have feelings for him and she could feel betrayed if you date him while she is in love with him. By the way, thinking about pursuing the guy your friend used to date does not sound very nice of you.

When I was in high school, there would have been nothing at all unusual about taking out a friend's ex.

Of course, my class was the biggest ever in the school -- more than twice as big as the several classes before or after -- we had 63 in the class. The odds were overwhelming that anyone you took out would have been a friend's ex.

Not that I ever actually took anyone out in high school.

You should ask "Melanie". You can be real casual. "Hey, melanie, would it be awkward if I started going out w/ (insert exes name here)?" You said she would probably be ok w/ it, so it is just a minor social convention that has the bonus of showing that you care about her feelings and the friendship between you. Seems harmless to me.

Sure, you can ask ... but what to do if Melanie says, "Hands off"? Consider these questions:

1. Does Melanie give things away, expecting the recipient to do what she wants with those things?

2. Does Melanie object to seeing someone else in possession of something she tossed into a rummage bin?

3. Does Melanie break up with guys, only to come back later and pretend as if no break-up ever occurred?

If you can answer 'Yes' to at least one of these three questions, then maybe you'd be better off looking for another lover, as Melanie would seem to have boundary issues and an inability to let go of what's no longer hers.