I Now Understand Why We Can't Get Relationships

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Joined: 18 Jun 2012
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30 Sep 2012, 11:11 am

Without going into detail about last night's highly successful date, let's just say that being a WP member and absorbing all I have learned really came in handy. I was quickly able to identify that my date had numerous Autistic traits and now I see firsthand WHY I was constantly rejected my whole life by women... until last night
For starters, when I introduced myself (I had no idea what she looked like) and offered my hand she gave it the weakest shake imaginable while looking away from me. She also spoke in a very monotone voice (almost like she was depressed) and never made any 'warm' facial expressions and didn't make direct eye contact. My subconscious reaction is "what is &!$@ is wrong with her? Why is she so darn cold and disinterested already?". Once I got to know her I picked up on her Aspie-ness but before that I was really taken back and assumed she was repulsed by me like every other girl because she didn't seem the least bit interested. It literally seemed like she was just going through the motions like it was a class project.

On top of that, she mentioned today that she 'couldn't figure me out' until about 7 hours in and then it dawned on me. I was finally able to truly see what she was talking about as she gave me the same 'vibes' at first. I've mentioned before that women must be puzzled because I'm a walking contradiction but until she told me as such, I never fully understood. She even called this morning and sounded very bored and disinterested but once I hung up with her let's just say her text messages told a different story altogether. She struggled to say things to my face but she was VERY open and direct in her messages, which I now understand is because she was very nervous and I couldn't pick up on it. Without WP, I would have rejected her as disinterested and continued on doing the same unsuccessful things over and over and I still wouldn't have picked up on the reason why I am still single is because I send mixed messages and that subconsciously scares women away.

Magnus_Rex
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30 Sep 2012, 11:26 am

The lesson is: if I convince my friend to go out with me AND if we start a relationship, it will help me figure out what is wrong with me.

And have I mentioned that I am almost certain that I have no chance with her? I am only trying because I am stubborn. No pressure at all.

Anyway, congratulations. As they say, "knowing is half the battle". And I do have those same problems you mentioned; to this day, I never showed any sign of interest towards any girl. And I treat every one of my friends the same way, regardless of their gender. I avoid physical contact as much as I can. And I am not known for my ability to look in the eyes of the person I am talking to. And I tend to change subjects suddenly and keep talking about them even though nobody is interested. And sometimes I will go back to those same subjects long after everybody forgot about them.

As I said: no pressure at all.

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DISCLAIMER: It should be noted that, while I strongly suspect I have Asperger's syndrome, I am not diagnosed. Nevertheless, my score on RAADS-R is 186, which makes me a pretty RAAD guy.

Sorry for this terrible joke, by the way.

Mindslave
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30 Sep 2012, 1:07 pm

When I met my friend who was just like me, I came to realize how I appeared to other people. I started thinking "Don't be like James, be like a normal person" and maybe he did the same with me. I just had to apply that to conversations with women. I then realized that I had always made things much harder than I had to.

wtfid2
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30 Sep 2012, 1:54 pm

GiantHockeyFan wrote:

For starters, when I introduced myself (I had no idea what she looked like) and offered my hand she gave it the weakest shake imaginable while looking away from me. She also spoke in a very monotone voice (almost like she was depressed) and never made any 'warm' facial expressions and didn't make direct eye contact. My subconscious reaction is "what is &!$@ is wrong with her? Why is she so darn cold and disinterested already?". Once I got to know her I picked up on her Aspie-ness but before that I was really taken back and assumed she was repulsed by me like every other girl because she didn't seem the least bit interested. It literally seemed like she was just going through the motions like it was a class project.

On top of that, she mentioned today that she 'couldn't figure me out' until about 7 hours in and then it dawned on me. I was finally able to truly see what she was talking about as she gave me the same 'vibes' at first. I've mentioned before that women must be puzzled because I'm a walking contradiction but until she told me as such, I never fully understood. She even called this morning and sounded very bored and disinterested but once I hung up with her let's just say her text messages told a different story altogether.

She struggled to say things to my face but she was VERY open and direct in her messages, which I now understand is because she was very nervous and I couldn't pick up on it. Without WP, I would have rejected her as disinterested and continued on doing the same unsuccessful things over and over and I still wouldn't have picked up on the reason why I am still single is because I send mixed messages and that subconsciously scares women away.

2 things..didnt realize your date was 7 hours that's crazy log what the hell did you guys do lol
mine usually last over 2 hours ad I thought that was good..just sitting and talking..although i never get seconds lol.

and the other thing- you say this girl helped you realize why AL Lgirls have been disinterested bc her disinterest was actually just autism and not disinterest at a. I disagree with you here though. It might be true in her case, but most girls prob were turned off by your autism and didnt have it themselves. Autistic people are still the minority now adays even with the increased DX. I think it's a little foolish to think that every girl you have met that rejected you did so bc they were autistic.

btw how tall are you?

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AQ 25

Your Aspie score: 101 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 111 of 200
You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits

GiantHockeyFan
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30 Sep 2012, 5:06 pm

wtfid2 wrote:

Well me are both oddballs and she loves hockey too. We watched two different games in two different arenas tand it went from there. Bottom line she's ready to go exclusive already but I asked her to wait until next week before I make it official just so we don't rush things.

Quote:

and the other thing- you say this girl helped you realize why AL Lgirls have been disinterested bc her disinterest was actually just autism and not disinterest at a. I disagree with you here though. It might be true in her case, but most girls prob were turned off by your autism and didnt have it themselves. Autistic people are still the minority now adays even with the increased DX. I think it's a little foolish to think that every girl you have met that rejected you did so bc they were autistic.

btw how tall are you?

6'6" so yes I tower over her. As for the rejections I never said anything about any of the others being on the spectrum. Some may have been but I doubt it. What I was saying is that I now understand they literally misinterpreted by body language and I lack the inflection in my voice that made me seem boring and disinterested.

WantToHaveALife
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01 Oct 2012, 4:19 pm

men have to earn everything in life, but women are owed, entitled to a lot of things in life

Evinceo
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01 Oct 2012, 4:41 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:

men have to earn everything in life, but women are owed, entitled to a lot of things in life

What?

WantToHaveALife
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01 Oct 2012, 5:05 pm

Evinceo wrote:

WantToHaveALife wrote:

men have to earn everything in life, but women are owed, entitled to a lot of things in life

What?

thats what it seems like

GiantHockeyFan
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02 Oct 2012, 7:02 am

WantToHaveALife wrote:

men have to earn everything in life, but women are owed, entitled to a lot of things in life

Well I can't comment on life in general but in love and dating, it certainly is. Even with girl I'm dating now has a sense of entitlement although it is at least tolerable. Every woman I know has had zero trouble finding dates, romance, etc while there are plenty of men in my situation.

I think I've made it quite clear how shocked I was at the incredibly nasty, selfish, entitled attitudes of the women I have been meeting. They seem to think all they have to do in a relationship is wait for you to pay the bill. Maybe I'm just having bad experiences but that seems to be the common theme. Not one woman has ever suggested what they can bring to a relationship but to be fair much of that is our (men in general) fault.

Kjas
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02 Oct 2012, 7:19 am

WantToHaveALife wrote:

men have to earn everything in life, but women are owed, entitled to a lot of things in life

[sarcasm]Wow - yes clearly you have enough life experience to eb able to make a comment like that. [/sarcasm]

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thewhitrbbit
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02 Oct 2012, 9:26 am

Quote:

WantToHaveALife wrote:
men have to earn everything in life, but pretty, confident women are owed, entitled to a lot of things in life

Life can be just as much a b***h for some girls too. I know a few middle of the road to less than attractive girls who get used and discarded all the time.

WantToHaveALife
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02 Oct 2012, 10:25 am

GiantHockeyFan wrote:

WantToHaveALife wrote:

men have to earn everything in life, but women are owed, entitled to a lot of things in life

i feel like i am a ticking time bomb because i'm sick and tired of being single

starryeyedvoyager
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02 Oct 2012, 10:30 am

WantToHaveALife wrote:

men have to earn everything in life, but women are owed, entitled to a lot of things in life

This is something that comes up every now and then on these forums, and I have yet to meet someone with proof of that claim. If you are a socially awkward, introverted oddball that gives people mixed signals and is generally insecure, your gender is not important. There is surely things that are easier for women than men - which does include casual socializing, because women's brains work that way -, claiming that men have to earn everything and women get things for free couldn't be more wrong. Or why is it that women still get payed less when compared to men working in the same profession and position? Men are just more prone to complaining because... well, they are men. Ever wonder why almost all men are the biggest b*****s in the world when they are sick? Because they want everybody to know. Women are born in this world with the certainty of living through constant pain (menses) or one hellufa load of pain (giving birth, anyone). That, paired with the fact that men both define themselves more over their sexual prowess and their ability to "spread their seed" is what makes most men believe it is not only their foremost right to complain if things don't go how they want it, it is socially more accepted. Face it, if a woman complains about anything, she is by far more likely to be labeled a whiney, needy, spoiled b***h. This is at least how I have experienced this situation, and at least some of these parts can be scientifically proved.

DialAForAwesome
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02 Oct 2012, 10:36 am

starryeyedvoyager wrote:

Or why is it that women still get payed less when compared to men working in the same profession and position?

I see this claim come up all the time, but no real proof of it. It's usually used as an excuse.

And bringing up pain is irrelevant-- I'm a guy who has Marfan's syndrome, which is painful in and of itself, on top of arthritis in 4 of my joints. Pain affects everyone differently. The rest of your points are good though.

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WantToHaveALife
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02 Oct 2012, 4:48 pm

starryeyedvoyager wrote:

WantToHaveALife wrote:

men have to earn everything in life, but women are owed, entitled to a lot of things in life

yes because the overwhelming vast majority of women expect men to initiate everything talking, communication-wise with them

knowbody15
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02 Oct 2012, 5:22 pm

GiantHockeyFan wrote:

Bravo! Good stuff, good to hear.

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