23 and i have nothing to offer...

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LonelyLoner
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06 Oct 2012, 5:14 pm

I'm 23 now and I have nothing. No car, no drivers license, no job, and no education. My day consists of waking up, showering, doing my makeup, play around on my tablet, then eating one meal a day then going to sleep. I'm feeling myself slip into a deeper depression... my only way of interacting with the outside world is through online... I decided that I want to be alone because what decent person would want to be with someone that has and does nothing??



glasstoria
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06 Oct 2012, 7:24 pm

I hear in your post is a depression talking, because depression is so one sided and always makes us think we are hopeless (which is not true). I hope that you can listen to other more balanced opinions than the dark things depression says to you.

Other people may have a lot of material things, but none of those create happiness or inner peace. Those things can even be a distraction from having peace. Society also tells us we are worth our piles of things, or education, or piles of prizes or accomplishments. I just think there are more important things than those things, like being compassionate with other people and animals and learning about the world and yourself (not in a formal school by any means, books, online, learn where you like).

I hope that you will allow space for your own voice to say that there are good things about you, personal qualities that you are strong at, and valuable inner resources. If you can go online and use a tablet, you know how to work with technology and there are seniors and people who would love a patient teacher to show them how to use their computers or cell phones. There is always something you can offer, even if it is a kind word or your time.

I hope you feel better soon.


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SickInDaHead
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07 Oct 2012, 2:39 am

LonelyLoner wrote:
I'm 23 now and I have nothing. No car, no drivers license, no job, and no education. My day consists of waking up, showering, doing my makeup, play around on my tablet, then eating one meal a day then going to sleep. I'm feeling myself slip into a deeper depression... my only way of interacting with the outside world is through online... I decided that I want to be alone because what decent person would want to be with someone that has and does nothing??



What a wonderfully clean slate you have there.

Too bad you don't notice it because you are too busy wallowing in despair over something that you are equipped to handle. Forget being with someone and get on with your life.



jagatai
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07 Oct 2012, 9:34 am

If you have no job and nothing to do, you might find value in volunteering. glasstoria wrote that others might value your skills in navigating the internet. Sometimes doing something for free can give you a sense of accomplishment and provide a direction to focus your skills and learn what interests you. And this can lead to personal contacts and eventually to paying work. Obviously this sort of thing can require you interact with people and do things that might be uncomfortable for you. To some extent, you need to push yourself beyond your comfort zone. But don't forget there are many ways of volunteering that don't always require a lot of people skills.

It's easy to get trapped into the feeling that you have nothing anyone would want. I do it myself and I know it can be hard to break out of this kind of thinking. If you find it very difficult to deal with the outside world except through the computer, you may need to slowly build up your tolerance for personal interaction. I started by learning to smile at anyone I encountered. It felt weird at times and I suppose although I've been doing it for at least 25 years, my smiles are still a bit awkward. But I find that even still, people are more willing to interact in a way I can tolerate because I make an effort to show I'm not scary. (Yeah, you wouldn't know it from my avatar, but I am generally friendly)

My point is that you may find by developing small, but useful habits, you can find a way to interact with people in the real world and build up your sense of value to others.


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LonelyLoner
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07 Oct 2012, 11:46 am

Thanks for the advice guys. I did think about doing volunteer work or just going to school... I just feel like a bum and my agoraphobia keeps me from leaving my house:(

I'm not usually the type to follow the crowd but sometimes I feel like I have to. It does drive me insane not doing anything with my life.

And I'm in no rush to get a bf because that's not my top priority. I can live without a man. I want to be able to answer confidently when someone asks me what I do:/



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07 Oct 2012, 5:57 pm

There is no one in the world you are required to satisfy but yourself. What anyone else thinks of you is entirely irrelevant. If you have truly done as little with your mind as you say, then I would imagine you have a great deal of free space, and could learn very quickly whatever topic you chose to be interested in. You say you have no education, that is good. Formal education is a destroyer of creativity. The best minds of every generation have been those that have taught themselves. You have done nothing, so you should have great reserves of energy available when you choose to do something, which can be any time between now and 80 years from now. The question you should be asking is, what do you want to do? Never mind doing something that you think other people will respect you for, what things interest you? You have not been educated, but have you learned anything yourself? You must be looking at something on all those hours on the tablet. What topics attract your attention? Don't think about the respect of others, what do you think is missing from your life?


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LonelyLoner
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07 Oct 2012, 7:00 pm

AnAlias wrote:
There is no one in the world you are required to satisfy but yourself. What anyone else thinks of you is entirely irrelevant. If you have truly done as little with your mind as you say, then I would imagine you have a great deal of free space, and could learn very quickly whatever topic you chose to be interested in. You say you have no education, that is good. Formal education is a destroyer of creativity. The best minds of every generation have been those that have taught themselves. You have done nothing, so you should have great reserves of energy available when you choose to do something, which can be any time between now and 80 years from now. The question you should be asking is, what do you want to do? Never mind doing something that you think other people will respect you for, what things interest you? You have not been educated, but have you learned anything yourself? You must be looking at something on all those hours on the tablet. What topics attract your attention? Don't think about the respect of others, what do you think is missing from your life?


That's true. I do like to learn...a lot of my apps consist of educational purposes. People say I'm smart for not going to school my whole life.

I don't want some huge title like a Dr. or anything... I would just like to be known for my art. Which I really have to work on...I just want to be happy with myself and who I am.



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07 Oct 2012, 7:02 pm

Of course, you are an aspie, it is in your nature to seek out knowledge. What sorts of things do you like to learn about? What sort of art do you create? Why do you think it isn't good enough? What do you think you can do to improve it?


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07 Oct 2012, 9:59 pm

I'd suggest you do some volunteer work. Especially if its one your local university is involved with since it does count towards any higher education applications you may want to do in the future.

On a more selfish note, volunteering not also gives you something to do but it also allows you to meet other people and that can bring new opportunities.

"My day consists of waking up, showering, doing my makeup, play around on my tablet, then eating one meal a day then going to sleep. I'm feeling myself slip into a deeper depression... my only way of interacting with the outside world is through online..."

Been there, done that. The T-shirt didn't fit. :lol: . What pulled me out of it was taking a couple of random classes at college just to see if I liked the subject matter. As it turns out, one of those did get my attention and I looked into the major and loved it. I'm graduating this coming spring and already have a few leads on jobs in the field.

I guess the old 'things dont happen you have to make them happen' adage is true. Go out there and see what interests you and do it :)

" I decided that I want to be alone because what decent person would want to be with someone that has and does nothing??"

This is perhaps the one thing that will take time for you to accept that you can't decide for others if they like you or not. Personally I'd have no problem being with a girl like you. At all. If anything I'd consider it even better than dating someone who'se life is already booked and scheduled around a very active social life.


If you don't mind, is it possible to see some of your art?



LonelyLoner
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07 Oct 2012, 10:10 pm

AnAlias wrote:
Of course, you are an aspie, it is in your nature to seek out knowledge. What sorts of things do you like to learn about? What sort of art do you create? Why do you think it isn't good enough? What do you think you can do to improve it?

I like to learn about lots of things. Animals, astronomy, the paranormal, geography, history, languages, how things are made.

I like to sketch or illustrate mostly. I draw a lot of cartoons and anime style.

Maybe its because I don't make money doing it:/

I don't want to be rich or anything but if it was a job I would feel better that I'm doing something productive. You know what I mean?



LonelyLoner
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07 Oct 2012, 10:27 pm

Dantac wrote:
I'd suggest you do some volunteer work. Especially if its one your local university is involved with since it does count towards any higher education applications you may want to do in the future.

On a more selfish note, volunteering not also gives you something to do but it also allows you to meet other people and that can bring new opportunities.

"My day consists of waking up, showering, doing my makeup, play around on my tablet, then eating one meal a day then going to sleep. I'm feeling myself slip into a deeper depression... my only way of interacting with the outside world is through online..."

Been there, done that. The T-shirt didn't fit. :lol: . What pulled me out of it was taking a couple of random classes at college just to see if I liked the subject matter. As it turns out, one of those did get my attention and I looked into the major and loved it. I'm graduating this coming spring and already have a few leads on jobs in the field.

I guess the old 'things dont happen you have to make them happen' adage is true. Go out there and see what interests you and do it :)

" I decided that I want to be alone because what decent person would want to be with someone that has and does nothing??"

This is perhaps the one thing that will take time for you to accept that you can't decide for others if they like you or not. Personally I'd have no problem being with a girl like you. At all. If anything I'd consider it even better than dating someone who'se life is already booked and scheduled around a very active social life.


If you don't mind, is it possible to see some of your art?


If I do take classes at college I really hope I can stick to it. Like I said I never stayed in school so I hope I won't have any problems with college.

Yeah I guess a gf that stays home all day would be perfect. I'd have no way to cheat lol

And as for my art, I would be happy to show you... but idk how because I don't have a scanner or camera:(



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07 Oct 2012, 10:28 pm

You draw anime?! :heart: 8)


Are you able to draw accurately an object that is placed in front of you? Say, a vase with decorations. ? There are careers that can make use of such skill. I did my archaeological field training this summer in the south pacific island of Palau and one of the members of the team was an archaeological illustrator. He's been doing drawings of the sites, monuments, artifacts and stratigraphy (layers of dirt seen when you dig a hole straight down) for 20+ years and loves his work. Takes him to amazing places, pays well...and he started as an amateur cartoonist.



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07 Oct 2012, 10:28 pm

Are you able to get any help with your agoraphobia?

That would be the first step.

Do you at least have a high school degree or GED? You could look at getting a job.

You def have options.



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07 Oct 2012, 10:33 pm

LonelyLoner wrote:

If I do take classes at college I really hope I can stick to it. Like I said I never stayed in school so I hope I won't have any problems with college.


College is very different. When you're learning about what you like its a whole different ball game.

Quote:
Yeah I guess a gf that stays home all day would be perfect. I'd have no way to cheat lol


I'd think of it more like a GF that likes to be at home just like I do is ideal. Granted I do love to travel abroad.. the local area just bores me.

Quote:
And as for my art, I would be happy to show you... but idk how because I don't have a scanner or camera:(


cellphone cameras let you email pics to yourself.... or scan them at a local store. Or chase the Google street view car ;)

edit: I guess I missed the agarophobia portion. I don't want to be nosy but is it the actual condition (aka cant leave home at all due to anxiety/panic attacks) or is it more of a 'meh outside sucks why bother leaving' type of agarophobia?



Last edited by Dantac on 07 Oct 2012, 10:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.

glasstoria
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07 Oct 2012, 10:35 pm

Public libraries or university libraries have scanners that you could use to put your work online. If you would like to make money doing your art the first step is to put your art work somewhere that people can see it and possibly buy it, such as Deviantart or etsy or even the site fiverr if you are willing to work for a very small amount of money (you only get 4$ per gig because the website fee takes one dollar, but I have sold a couple illustrations through the site)

Also getting your work into the public eye where you live could earn you custom illustrating commisions, if you have places like comic shops, music stores, locally owned movie rental places, mom and pop type stores might put up your flyer or let you display business cards. Not everyone can draw, it is a gift to be able to make someone else's vision into a picture for them.

If your agoraphobia limits your abilities maybe a Dr and psychiatrist could help you slowly work on it and give you assistance in planning ways to be able to do the things you really want to do.


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08 Oct 2012, 5:14 am

LonelyLoner wrote:
AnAlias wrote:
Of course, you are an aspie, it is in your nature to seek out knowledge. What sorts of things do you like to learn about? What sort of art do you create? Why do you think it isn't good enough? What do you think you can do to improve it?

I like to learn about lots of things. Animals, astronomy, the paranormal, geography, history, languages, how things are made.

I like to sketch or illustrate mostly. I draw a lot of cartoons and anime style.

Maybe its because I don't make money doing it:/

I don't want to be rich or anything but if it was a job I would feel better that I'm doing something productive. You know what I mean?
There are many jobs a good artist can do. Animator would certainly be high on the list. There is also a great demand for artists in marketing and design fields. You could do many things with the ability to create a good illustration. I'd say if you want to start making money doing it, you could sell your work online, as glasstoria suggests, or if you want to work for someone else, taking some college art courses would be a good first step. Speaking from my own experience as an aspie who went several years very rarely leaving the woods surrounding my house or talking face to face with another human being other than my mother, I found community college to be a surprisingly welcoming and non-intimidating environment. No one will expect you to be any more social than you want to be, and taking art classes, you should have a lot of leeway in the sort of art you do and the way it is paced.


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