...and then he was gone....

Post Reply New Topic

Yes, I know I've made two topics on this very subject over the past month, but I still need help.

My boyfriend - my first boyfriend, the guy I lost my virginity to - defriended me on Facebook, apparently rejected my following request, and is currently not talking to me. He never told me that he wanted to break up. In fact, just a few hours before he defriended me, we were supposed to meet up at my house, and he was telling me how he couldn't wait to see me.

I've been depressed about this ever since, and have been trying to make sense of the situation. How could he do this to me? I've also been leaning heavily on close friends of mine. The fact that I have Asperger Syndrome, and am obsessive and get easily attached to people, makes this even more difficult to deal with.

I'm still hoping that he will eventually come around to talking to me. I can't think of a single thing I've done to make him want to do this. I can't imagine any reason he'd be angry with me. I just don't want things to end this way with him. He was very special to me. If we can't be together, I'd at least like to remain friends, or at least on good terms, with him.

By the way, I'm a gay male. If the mods feel the need to move this topic to the LGBT subforum, that would be fine.

That's REALLY confusing, and I don't think even a Neurotypical would stoop that low under normal circumstances. Maybe something really bad happened in his life, like someone died or something? (I hope not!) Or maybe he got put in the Witness Protection Program? I don't know...does anyone else you know talk to him? Maybe they've seen him?

If he's doing that just to break up with you, there's something seriously wrong with him.

I doubt that there's anything that bad going on in his life. After all, he continues to add friends and like people's statuses on Facebook. Oh, and his relationship status has been saying "In a relationship" ever since he defriended me, AND nobody else who isn't his friend can seem to see it, but I can. Maybe it's because I used to be friends with him that I can see this extra info?

The only reasons I can think of that would prompt him to do this are A) he's bipolar, or B) he's just being an as*hole.

...So you think maybe he got in a different relationship and dumped you without warning for that?

I'd go for the as*hole part. Being bipolar doesn't give him an excuse to treat people like crap. Plus, I haven't known bipolar people's mood swings to last so long.

Another thing is maybe he's trying to get back in the closet, at least temporarily? Like maybe he's got some unaccepting relatives coming and he doesn't want them to know.

And this makes me worried about something else...has he ever had trouble with his sexuality? I wonder if he could be getting into some kind of ex-gay therapy crap and cutting you out of his life because of it. This is terrifying to me, but it's also unlikely...

I suspected the "bipolar" part because I was thinking, how could he go from "I'm so horny for you" to "I'm defriending you and ain't talking to you" in just a few hours? Plus, I believe he did tell me once that he had anxiety issues.

The thing is, he served in the Marines, and I think I was his first relationship since he left the Marines (so he had been out of the Marines for about a year when we became a couple). Also, he may have been gay, but he was very straight-acting and masculine. Assuming he's been telling me the truth, I am the fourth person he's slept with and the second man he's slept with (two girls in and just out of high school, and one other guy while he was in the Marines).

While I knew him, he didn't keep his sexuality a secret from his FB friends (although he has the information unavailable to non-friends). That doesn't mean that that couldn't have changed abruptly, but I doubt it did. I doubt he's having problems with his sexuality, unless he just all of a sudden decided he liked girls now, but I doubt that as well.

But people do this all the time, so i think it's normal at least for NT's and I'm the weirdo as I usually write farewell letters!

There was a very special lady and one day I received an email from her saying how much she loves me and that she was missing me like hell -- and that's the last I've ever heard of her! She simply stopped responding, cut me off, deleted, erased me.

I think people either don't draw a line just in case they should decide they want to come back, or they are simply too indifferent to clarify the matter.

I think it's very rare for a Neurotypical to do that to someone--usually they at least say "I'm breaking up with you" before ignoring you forever! I don't know, though...maybe my sample size is skewed. I think that someone would only do that if they were very sick.

Have you tried contacting him a lot? You may need to be persistent to get an answer. At least tell him that it will help you to prevent yourself from making whatever mistake you did [even if you didn't make one, but don't tell him that] in the future.

I understand how it is hard when you easily get attatched and obsessed with people. I have that problem myself, so I try to get the people I talk to to help remind me if I am doing it. But I'm lucky to have a lot of very accepting friends who know about Autism (to an extent).

I can't bear the thought of never hearing from him again...

Ah, well you'll probably have to bear it if it doesn't work out. Sometimes, the best you can do in these situations is to figure out what went wrong and keep it from happening in the future. Happens to me a lot.

For the next several days after he defriended me, I persistently texted him, pretty much begging him to talk to me. He did not respond to a single one of them. The last text message I sent him was on September 14th (three days after he had defriended me), and the last phone call I made to him was on September 25th, I believe.

I've been advised by many people to just leave him alone for now and see if he's more willing to talk to me after it's been a while.

He got it on with somebody else, and cannot look you in the eye because he feels ashamed of himself.

This is very likely... Sorry you got taken by a jerk.

That just sounds unlikely to me. Wouldn't defriending/shunning me make him feel even more ashamed of himself?

As for his relationship status, he either rebounded with somebody else really damn quickly after he defriended me (his relationship status hasn't changed since then), or he'd already been interested in somebody else while he was still with me. Or he could have just forgotten to change his status, or he's just lazy. There's also the possibility that he could be leaving his relationship status intact because he doesn't want people to know that he's currently single.

If you are the one terminating a relationship, it is usually because you want to move on. The old relationship is ancient history and has no bearing on your life from now on.

There are some people who do remain on reasonably good terms, but they aren't going to reactivate a relationship that is over.

The relationship is over, that much I understand. I couldn't be with him after what he's put me through. Still, he was too important to me to just leave my life for good.

I may have accepted the fact that the relationship is over, but I'm still upset over this. I keep remembering how we met, and all the fun things we did together, and it makes me miss him. Then I keep having unsettling thoughts of him hooking up with some other hoe (I'm the jealous type).

I was best friends with my Aspie for 3 years and then,after a huge blow out, we didn't talk at all-no contact, zero, nothing, for 8 hellish months. We found our way back and are friends again. Sometimes it just takes time and distance.