How to deal with unwanted attention?

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This week has been very difficult for me. I usually am fine with girls flirting with me and I'm flattered when guys flirt with me. Recently I've become uncomfortable with guys flirting with me... and guys are often really bold. Like putting an arm around me and getting in my face etc. I haven't worn makeup or dressy clothes or done my hair all week. I've been wearing baggy clothes covering all but my hands and head. I carry books with me and I'm always reading.

But guys at school, in cafes, when I'm out walking etc. will still hit on me. When I ask to be left alone(I'm reading. They interrupt me. Somehow I'm the rude one?) they are usually not OK with that. Either they press on and then act like asses, or skip straight to acting like an ass. Insulting me etc.

Other than changing my appearance(I'm even wearing sports bras now as they make my boobs look way smaller) what can I do while I'm out and about to convey nonverbally "do not flirt" ? I thought reading a book pretty much covered it.

It's the worst on public transportation. And I can't drive(possibly ever again) as I've started having seizures again.

Maybe I should stop bathing and start carrying around a bag of dog droppings. :/

It could be guys thinking "aha, a challenger appears." Or dressed all sloppy, flirting with you because you appear "easy" or having low self confidence. Low self confidence girls=prey. You could instead dress completely beautifully, have perfect makeup, and then scare all the guys away because they'll be too "beta" to hit on you, due to you being hot.

Best way to get rid of people: ask them if they'd like to talk about Jesus.

Dress assertively. Think smart, edgy business wear. You don't have to stop burying yourself in books to avoid people but make it look like you're only half interested when reading. Basically what 1000 Knives said - stop the losers from hitting on you by appearing too good for them, or too embarrassing a fail for them to cope with if they get rejected. Right now you probably come across as prey and vulnerable which attracts creeps.

What the guys above have to say is valuable. However, aside from not dressing overtly revealingly; I would not be inclined to turn myself inside-out trying to dress to repel.

When I was in my early 20s, I had a gorgeous friend/co-worker who attracted lots of guys' attention. When strangers would hit on her she'd immediately turn to them and say; You're ugly. It always worked.

She had the gift of a selectively acid tongue. She didn't have much trouble with non-stranger guys, because they knew her just well enough to understand that. They rarely took the chance to come on to her casually because they didn't want to be humiliated in front of others. This dovetails with what the guys on this thread have said.

People in the workplace generally liked and respected her despite her fierce way with unwanted attention.

You're correct; sometimes guys will say or do something to make you look like "the rude one" when you've set a boundary with them; but that's them being lame. Try to let that roll off your back.

You should dress whatever you're comfortable with, not think too much how people will react (there are bound to be guys that think: woman, breasts, ugh, no matter what ) There is a point in looking too easy of a target, though. A bit more made-up or professional appearance can actually give you make you appear as more difficult target. On the other hand, I sometimes do dress full blown Gothic with leather, lace, chains and dramatic make-up and I admit, I do get a lot less cocky confident guys trying to approach me. I've also on some occasions used VERY heavy perfume cloud on myself to keep a couple of admirers at arms distance

I can understand the stress than comes from it... There are guys that don't seem to take a no for an answer. One tries in a nice way at first and when one then says she's really not interested some guys get really nasty.

I attempted years ago to avoid this kind of stuff, but nothing has ever been all that successful - but the following willl decrease the chances, espeically once everyone else gets used to how you are.

Wearing minimal make up, making sure your body language says "keep away", having an activity to do (like reading or schoolwork or whatever), and failing all of that, make sure if anyone does come up to you that they regret it, abet politely - and if they refuse to take no for an answer, public humilation is the best defense. And if they try to touch you step back, or if they try to put an arm around you, shrug them off.

It works for me right now, I haven't had many guys attempt to hit on me since I started school - and the ones who have were mostly from going out at night to friends birthday parties (in other words, not at school).

The thing is that I only get hit on by other foreingers, not by Aussie guys, due to the fact that I am not white. You don't have that to contend with, so naturally you will have many more guys hitting on you.

I'm sorry - that's the only things I know.
*hugs*

Last edited by Kjas on 12 Oct 2012, 7:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.

If you want guys to stop flirting with you, dress more butchy.

Actually, that does work. On occasions when it's happened to me, I usually pretend I misunderstand, and then go back to what I was doing. One time I did do the acid-tongue thing, looked the guy up and down, and after making eye contact again..."Just, no."

Someone else mentioned dressing assertively, with an edge. That also works. Dressing frumpy will attract more attention, based on conversations I've had with friends. Guys say it makes you look more approachable, and they don't care if it's a look we'd consider frumpy.

I often have to wear professional corporate clothing for work but I still get random guys trying to pinch my bum or pat me on the legs. I think most women have had to deal with this kind of cr*p - not very nice but trying to stop it can be difficult.

I'd second that generally, but a friend of mine who is a lesbian and dresses this way still got hit upon by some awful man who wanted to "convert" her

*shrug* Wear a ring on your finger that you would use for marriage.
You know the truth and it doesn't matter whether your actually not interested in marriage or whether it is true because the guys will look at the ring.
If they do decide to still talk to you, continue reading and ignore them. Don't even engage eye contact, just focus on reading.

Moral of the story, some men are creeps.

What's your sign, cutie?!

Then just tell them you're a straight-up gangsta, and you'll bust a cap in them if they fukk with you.

Know what happens once a guy meets a few women like this?

He goes on WP and posts in the Love and Dating section.

He complains about women being sh***y toward him whenever he approaches them, about how they purposefully find ways to embarrass him and make him feel like crap.

A bunch of women tell him how wrong he is.

Then he reads a thread where women are advising each other on ways to shame the men who approach them.

If you're a woman and you think these techniques are a good idea, if you think they are empowering, or if you think the women using them are to be respected, then you have no right to complain when guys come on here talking about how women are b*****s. They may be wrong about women as a whole, but they're dead right about you.

My thoughts EXACTLY!! Some genuinely good guys may have worked up the courage to ask someone they find attractive an invitation for pleasant conversation, etc. After all, does a simple, "No thanks, I'm not interested in a relationship" not make people go away? Even the small white lie of, "taken" at least leaves the man's dignity intact!

This doesn't necessarily apply to the oily eel of a PUA that slithers up and puts an arm around you, "heeyy giirl". If a simple, "No, not interestested/go away" etc messages don't work, they don't have any dignity anyway - fire both barrels.

Blasting genuinely decent men enough times will turn them into misogynists. They're not born that way.

Last edited by BlueMax on 12 Oct 2012, 2:47 pm, edited 3 times in total.

The type of harassment the OP details embodies a pre-existing misogyny- if getting overly-familiar, presumptuous advances smacked down repeatedly doesn't work, intelligent people try something different, as opposed to concluding the opposite sex is evil and out to get them. I'm all for niceness, but some people are constantly besieged by would-be suitors, and when you know EXACTLY why they're all approaching you (IE, for your looks) there are only so many nice ways to say "Not interested", especially when the advances are made in a time and place that's by definition inappropriate.