complaining without a reason

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my mother makes me want to smash things into itty bitty pieces...oh so many pieces.i cant stand her!! ! i hate living with her.she dosent undderstand me, and dosent plan to try too.she wants me to be come "normal" by any means nessary. in her eyes,my differences are a result of a lack of effort.i guess that means NT's have to make a consious effort to be NT.i am sick of her going back and forth all the time."you're stupid!"and"stop doing that, you're not stupid!!"either i'm stupid or im not,please just choose one already!!!i'm tired of her jokes,her opionated ways,her sense of superiority,and her lies.i hate her for coming into my room,emptiying my drawers,and throwing my things away last week.i hate the way she expects me to do things with out her asking,and yet feels i should have to ask everything of her. i hate how she uses guilt to mke me do things and is pissed that this method is losing its effect.i hate how she dumped me on my grand parents foe eight years then snatched me away from them and expected me to just be ok with it. i hate the way she demands respect, but wont give me a bit.i hate how she uses my bas--rd of a father to make me feel bad"why do you have to be weird like your dumb-a-- daddy?!why do you have to act like him?!?!"i hate the way she'll never hear MY side of anything and is always right...even when she is dead wrong. i hate the way she makes me cry,and feel so small inside.i hate the way she makes me want to scream,but makes it clear this isnt allowed.i hate how i'm not allowed to show any signs of my displeasure,not a murmor...not a frown.how,if im not smiling,its best not to let her see me at all.but mostly i hate the way she never lets me feel like i'm important...not even a little,not close to it,not even at all.

Sounds just like my mother.

My mother was the SAME way! To a degree, she STILL is! BTW don't let your get it down. I think a LOT of mothers have low opinions of men in general. My mother and father blame one another for the breakup. At least they never blamed me. I really have no idea what I was like around 2. I know I was easy to understand, most of my life I was well behaved, etc... I also have SOME memories around that time where it was a leave it to beaver type existence. The HONEST truth regarding the breakup? They were BOTH at fault.

So, your father could have been PERFECT, and you would still have the same problems. Oh well. If you have kids, maybe you can treat your children and husband better.

So what problems did she say she saw in your father? Maybe we can determine if they are legit, etc...

BTW regarding the bit about NTs learning? Everyone AS and NT ends up pushing limits to a degree. They BOTH usually learn. But, there is another level that COULD be seen as abstract, and might be the reason for the myth that NO AS people can be abstract. At THAT level, NT people have a better chance of figuring it out, AND take more risks. Near as I can figure, I figured that out, but have 2 basic problems:

1. I can't do it fast enough. There are usually multiple ways to interpret such things, and I never look at how appropriate te statement is.(which is usually a clue). Then again, a LOT of people ask inappropriate things these days because they are stupid or foreign.
2. I miss some signals because I am not looking in peoples eyes, etc...

That is sad, because I handle LOTS of abstract things, and have to solve lots of problems, and anticipate, and I do it well. I just might take like a minute or more to do so. Even a couple seconds is too slow for reacting with people.

BTW OBVIOUSLY, you do have REAL problems. A number(like the stuttering) may even disappear next month! You never know. You are at the age where a LOT of things will happen. And some people really DO grow out of it. You are probably close to that age. ALSO, you could try thinking less about what you hear, and just trusting yourself.(Apparantly most stuttering is caused by being overly concerned about how you sound. They even have devices to cover up the sound that work.) It is unreasonable for your mother to expect them to disappear tomorrow, etc...

BTW after doing things like flipping that doorstop so much, and speaking backwards, she STILL won't accept that you are autistic? You obviously aren't stupid, and you said you tested high, so it seems she HAS to figure you are either REALLY gifted and curious, or autistic. Not many would even think at such a young age to do that backwards. You would think she would be willing to at least LISTEN and accept!

Steve

Damnit, I was tuning into this thread thinking it had something to do with complaining without a reason. And here I see that blackcat is complaining about something that, while probably fairly common, is perfectly good grounds for complaining.

I've got a headache, and I never feel guilty about lashing into whiners. Damnit, blackcat, you got my hopes up.

In all seriousness, though... I can feel where you're from 100%. When I was sixteen, I told my therapist that I really wanted to find a way to move out now. She proved that some therapists are grounded in the real world. She saw that my problems were real and not just the result of my emotions and suggested a solution... so I spent the last two years of high school in boarding school. (art school, as an additional bonus.)

I not so much complain for no reason but I do throw the odd tanty for no reason or even laugh for no reason which can get a little embarrassing at times

My mother was like this too. I live a long way away from her now. It's best. How old are you Blackcat? Will you be able to move out soon?

You should move out, as soon as you are able.

Wayne Dyer said, "If your mother is driving you crazy, send her to the mental institution, you will immediately improve."

I've said it before, I'll say it again, if you're a teen-ager or young adult and you're living with crazy people, develop a plan for getting your own place. It won't happen overnight, but when tensions are high and the domestic terrorists are pushing you close to the edge, retreat to your room and work on your plan. Try to think of ways to make it happen faster. Think about a safety net. Imagine how much better life is going to be. Planning and imagining are things you can do now to help you feel better now.

Good advice MrMark. Not only will it make you feel better while you're planning it, it'll help later: Knowing that you have somewhere to retreat to will reduce the stress. Things sometimes become more tolerable when know you don't have to tolerate them.

I agree with MrMark. For a while when my parents were driving me crazy, I developed an obsession with planning a trip to Africa, crossing from Namibia to Kenya. I'm still planning to go at some point in the future, although not for a while - but at the time it was very helpful as a distraction from life, helping me to keep my sanity. And it was fun.

Sympathies, though. It's amazing how many wonderful people come from terrible parents.

You have pretty much described my experience with my adopted my mom.She finally convinced my father that I was driving her crazy and that she would leave him if they didnt kick me out.So they let me go live with my boyfriends sister,in a basement that reeked of mold and $50.00 a month to live on.Oh,joy.Before they kicked me out I didnt drink,drug, smoke,had never been in trouble at school ,got A and B's,didnt skip school....all that changed after I got "removed".

I dont think your only problem is that your mom is "crazy" and you need to get away from her.(though,that may help if you have a support group when you leave.I think part of the issue is that she abandoned you in the first place and you dont feel she like you as you are?Maybe I am projecting my issues on to you(sorry,it's a bad habit),but I know I still long for my mothers approval and wish she just "liked" me.I dont think that ever goes away.I still cry when I see a movie with a mom who shows love,effection,understanding towards her kids...it makes me feel so bad that I will never have that from this person.....Maybe.the best thing you can do,is give up on the idea that she is going to magically become the kind of mother you deserve...that we all deserved.It's painful but reality often is.

Well Krex,

I was at a boarding school(Military no less! YEP, the whole Spiel!) for 2 years. I was tricked the first year, and couldn't come back. Later, I eventually got SICK of CONSTANTLY being interrupted etc... and I moved almost to the other side of the country. It was too late, the damage had been done, my work ethic practically shot. I would say more, but I've probably already said enough.

SO, even your experience isn't that unique.

Steve

Same here! Anyway, I have had a LOT of people tell me my situation wasn't unique, so Blackcat can be sure that this is pretty common! I WISH it wasn't

Steve