Routines & Systems

Post Reply New Topic

I never really thought of myself as having routines before. I don't have to put my left shoe on first and I don't care how many times the coffee is stirred.

However, what I do have is a need to implement strict systems and enforce that they are maintained. This has to be one of the more problematic issues for my long-suffering wife. In my mind, each system serves a logical purpose and is reasonable (or at least logical). I think this comes from how naturally disorganised I am and how stressfull I find disorder and unpredictability when carrying out a task.

As an example, we have a big cupboard under the stairs which, for ages, I didn't really need to retrieve anything from - stuff was just dumped in any old fashion and I was not bothered. More recently I have needed to look for things in there and found the disarray stressfull so painstakingly arranged the contents systematically. A month ago I needed to get something and found a couple of items out of place. In my head the system had been sabotaged and was now useless and my wife came home to find me mid-meltdown with the dining room complexly full of this junk since I had decided that I needed to start again. I may have also been quite curt about her involvement in this perceived disaster.

I have lots of these little systems. Our coats have certain hooks they go on. As do dressing gowns (Mine has to be on the left and hers on the right so that she does not put hers over the top of mine accidentally and make it more difficult to get to). Basically everything has a home and/or a system. Any deviation from where things go or systems either by me or my wife cause me to become stressed and sometimes even angry. I can be very curt but it is difficult not to let it affect me.

I also have a thing about busses. If I am not intimately familiar with the route I pretty much just cannot bring myself to get on the bus. Also, If there is a road closure and my bus has to take a slight detour, I panic and have trouble not causing a scene as I worry about where it might end up going.

Ok, that's enough of my embarresing home truths. How does that compare with you lot? Does it sound Aspie-like?

Last edited by Si_82 on 18 Oct 2012, 6:47 pm, edited 3 times in total.

Oh, how I can relate. The routines and systems are (for me) numerous.

I once worked at a place where it took longer to find the tools to do a job than it did to do the job.

Every day I was "broken".

So what's the problem? Systems and routines are the logical way to organize everything for maximum efficiency. It DOES matter which shoe and sock one puts on first. ALWAYS work left to right. Too, black coffee does not need to be stirred. But if one must do so, then it must be done clockwise for the specified number of times. A place for everything and everything in its place! Every morning I boot the computer and read several news websites, always in the same sequence. Change is BAD, just ask any cat! And please remember that there is also an optimum way to load the dish washer. I could go on and on, but you get the idea. You don't have a problem, everyone else does.

Oh, and yes my partner is an NT and she just barely manages to tolerate me and my systems and my ever present lists of things to do.

I have some systems and routines that are logical and some that do not work but I keep doing them. My life is probably more chaos than order, but I am trying to change that. I don;t like the chaos in my life and have tried to develop systems to bring order to it all. I have manage to fix my credit by doing this and am working on fixing other things as well.

I used to be like that when I was a teenager. My closet was organized by type of garment, then by color, and on top of that, each item needed to be on a hanger that matched in color.

I don't know why I stopped. A lot of my traditionally-aspie traits were strongest in my teen years. Maybe due to home anxiety? Maybe I relaxed when I moved out of my parents' house and didn't need to rely on routines so much anymore?

It may have been partially or fully that I got embarrassed by my quirky traits and routines, and weaned myself off of them to seem and feel less weird. My family was really good at criticizing and shaming for any behaviors or interests they didn't approve of, and I also got made fun of at school.

Or it may be that I have run out of sh**s to give for anything whatsoever in adulthood. Nowadays, the clean clothes don't even make it into the closet or dresser before I wear them again...hm, kind of sad, actually.

Article by Simon Baron-Cohen on systemizing

I agree with him except for empathizing. If anything I overload with empathy.

Please get out of my head... My NT Husband can not for the life of him understand why with loading the dishrack that there is the right way, and no other ways......

Two sink system: Dishes get soaked and washed in soapy HOT water in the wash sink, moved to the rinse sink then to the drying rack.
Glass glasses go right to the back of the drying rack so they should be washed first of course this way I can not knock them onto the floor and break them, then next comes the cups.... Platters, plates, saucers, bowls, small bowls... biggest to smallest this way I can grab them in a stack and put them into the cupboard in one go. Therefor the dishes should be done in the same order... simple logic... efficient, easy and aesthetically pleasing to look at even. Very Fung Shui....

He just tosses everything into the sink and hopes for the best, whatever gets washed first, no order at all, total chaos... real nightmare to try and sort and put away the dishes when he's done me the "huge favour" of doing the dishes.. lol

I own a real under-counter dishwasher by the way, I haven't used it in 10 years, it didn't get the dishes clean enough for me.... for me they need to squeak with NO spots.


I drink instant, nescafe french vanilla, I take double double, I pre-load my cup with fixin's after I turn the switch on the kettle, I add the sugar, chime the edge of the cup twice to shake off the excess sugar so I don't cross contaminate the coffee, one spoon full of coffee, chime the cup twice to shake off the excess coffee, set the spoon down.... pour the water when it's hot to melt the sugar and coffee crystals, a shot of milk or cream then my coffee gets stirred six times and I chime the spoon on the edge of my stainless steel cup in multiples of two to shake off the excess coffee before setting the spoon down.. I like the chiming sounds my cup makes, well any cup really but I really like mine, it's musical, to me....

I systematize almost everything. When presented with some new task, part of the fun is finding or making a new system.... Makes life easier to understand when everything has it's own system/rhythm

Nonsense, shoes and socks should always be put on right, then left. (Haha.)

All the above posts just described my life , in a good way

Now that I have started thinking about it I realise just how much of my life I systemise. My wife has to go shopping by herself as I can be very hard work apparently. You have to see it from my point of view though - the way she haphazardly loads the trolley, the bags and then the boot of the car is absolute barbarity. how can one keep tight lipped when someone places a bag of apples BELOW a tin - For the love of God! Please someone - Think of all the bruising in transit! I suppose we should just kick it all along in front of us and be done with it!

I have developed systems over many years to cope with my scatteredness. As a child I was called irresponsible for losing things all the time, and a slob for never putting things away.

I've never really told my husband about the systems because he didn't really interfere with them except when he'd occasionally do the laundry and put his clothes away in all the wrong drawers. You'd think that after years and years of pulling his underwear out of the second drawer, he'd remember where it goes . Or notice that plain tshirts go in with the underwear and colored t-shirts go in their own drawer. Or that golf shirts go in a separate drawer from colored t-shirts.

Now that we have a little autistic son running around, our house is in complete chaos because I haven't been able to incorporate him into the systems. He's so random, and he has the attention span of a gnat. If only I could have a few days alone to put everything in order....

Yep!

I normally put my own clothes away so that I know exactly where to find things but the other day, my wife put them away for me. I was horrified to find a polo shirt in the drawer for casual t-shirts. I use the word 'horrified' only half in jest as it was not that far from my initial reaction.

I seriously didn't think I really had rigid routines...I think I am a lot more OCD than I ever properly acknowledged.

At home, it doesn't cause me too many problems because I handle most of the things on the domestic front. At work, I have a framework in my head about how tasks should be broken up, what time things need done, and a certain way to do them. This doesn't ingratiate me with coworkers, and I have heard the word "control freak" on multiple occasions.

Yeah, I used to just use that term to try and explain myself to people prior to realising I am an aspie. Didnt really know any better way of explaining why I was this way.

At my work I recently moved from a position where I was innovating creatively in my own little team of 1 to a larger team 'innovating' according to very specific and limited criteria and according to design patterns and templates. I am not doing too well by comparison and I think I know why now.

That is impossible, since these two posts are contradictory: