How do you deal with people who do not want to "adapt&q

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Recently, I've been taking "composite" type courses. They are part online, and part offline. I need to take my work in when I am finished, and pick up a new module, but I can be in touch with my teachers through my laptop. However, recently, the school hired a new secretary that's been really bugging me.

Before, the teachers would let me do my thing on my own (I do all my work in a notebook, and then photocopy it and hand in the photocopy). However, this secretary not only communicates by giving me strange "looks" (I can't read them, it bothers me) and does all this photocopying for me, not letting me do it on my own. Every time I hand in my work, she photocopies my WHOLE notebook (what a waste of paper; I also don't like that she is going through all of my cooking notes and my notes for my book and reading all the new stuff that I've written since). As well, she is not considerate of the fact that I need flexibility when it comes to appointments. She always books me with early morning appointments, never asking me whether or not this is appropriate, and it always ends with me having a embarrassing meltdown leaving the school.

I am becoming very anxious when it comes to the task of handing my school work in, because it means dealing with this woman, who I think really does not like me (I cannot do anything about that). Being verbal is not a issue with me, but getting across my point to a neurotypical in a way they can understand is another point entirely. The secretary knows that I have Asperger's Disorder, and I tried to display my distress to her, but she waved me off, uninterested. I am anxious about talking to her now, in fact, I am fearful of it. I do not want fear of a school employee to become my reason for avoidance when it comes to my school work, but I do not know how to continue. I know clutching my notebook to my chest and furiously shaking my head while making childish noises isn't going to work. This secretary does not want to adapt to my needs/wants/quirks, quite obviously.

I am not sure if this is the right section. Mods do not need my permission to move/rename/excetera. I am sorry if this message is painfully verbose or doesn't make much sense, but I am suffering from insomnia again and am going through dizzy spells while writing this.

Would a short email help?
Just stating you find it more comfortable to have meetings later in the day, copy your own notes etc and these accommodations would be helpful in terms of dealing with the Aspergers?

Emails are good - short, sweet, end with thanks and be as clear as possible. Cc her bcc or your course coordinator if you think it would help.

First off, only give here what she needs to photocopy. Second she's just a secretary, who probably did a year's community college, after she got tired of giving away bj's at the local bar. So don't take it personally. Learn to work with her inability, give her careful instructions, such as, I can't come in during the morning, I have important commintments in the evenings, it's none of her business what they are.

Don't be a dick; being a secretary doesn't make someone less of a person.
Maybe she makes early morning appointments because that's when she can fit you in, OP?

It is rather unusual that you are using a departmental office copier for your own work, which is probably why the strange looks. The secretary is probably the person who has to order the ink and paper refills and track who is using it and how many copies they make for her office budget. As a student, you are probably expected to use the self-service copiers in the library or copy shop--then you will have more control over what gets copied, instead of handing it off to the secretary.

If you are booked for any more morning appointments, reply in email that you cannot do morning appointments and ask to be rescheduled.

Stoek, that is an incredibly inappropriate comment. Come down off your horse and try being one.

It is very unusual that you are permitted to use the department copier. That is usually for faculty/staff business use only.

tell her that the looks she gives are deviant from the norm of human interactions but they confuse you, and request that she be open and honest about things because you cannot understand body language unless you stare at the person for long periods of time

do this while staring at her

do this whenever she gives strange looks, emulate the "puzzled look" face if you can, and now what it looks like (that's not necessarily the name of the face, but "confused look" also works

since you're genuinely confused and you're just sending the generally accepted signal face arrangement to communicate this, you are not lying

if you look like one of the children from "village of the damned" she will probably feel very uneasy and acknowledge you as different, since you've explained that you are different because you have aspergers, this will get the point across


being patient and unassuming and calm but probing with one's questions about the nature of her reactions towards you will make her self conscious about those reactions, when she sees how you react when she doesn't give odd looks things will get better

as for time schedules, you ought to know that secretaries can be very busy and have routines that they have to adhere to at times as well

giving only the parts that need photocopying is a good idea, if you are absolutely sure she is reading through your notes, then there's two ways to handle this, one is to write in your notebook that you find it weird that the secretary is reading through your notebook all the time, and that you wonder why she copies the entire thing all the time

before doing this however, you should give a slip of paper that explains what pages of the notebook need to be done, this deals away with any unnecessary verbal contact

it sounds like a lot of the issue is that you are not communicating properly and merely assuming people should know things that they don't, like what parts are relevant and which aren't, and so, knowing that you have a disability they're making certain that all resources are available in copy form, do they know that you hand in the photocopy and keep the original parts so that you don't need full photocopies? it sounds like that is most probable, and she is probably thinking of the efficiency that way and possibly annoyed at you because she doesn't think you have yet maybe


actually, this is most likely the case and my earlier things are what to do after the communication aspect of things, why do you have meltdowns due to early morning appointments anyways?

OH YEAH. she's probably perusing notes trying to figure out how you think because you're so weird to her, when I said look at her like you're one of the children from "village of the damned" it's because the blank stare is a constant I use, remember that mind blindness means one does not attach to social queues, and this "void of personality" as others see this, is often distressing



to use an analogy, in the WH40k universe psychics are often fairly connected and can "talk to eachother intuitively" via their minds, disregard the soulless aspect for the most part, it's just science fiction/fantasy speak for the medieval mindset towards some people - the game is essentially medieval warfare in space after all


"no psychic presence in the warp" the warp counts as the physical incarnation of raw emotion in the game universe, and probably best represents NT's emotions affecting their view of how the world works and how other people work, an individual who does not do this, is probably something in the "uncanny valley" to the them

from a site on it, note again that WH40k is purposefully referring to medieval mindsets towards individuals, so don't bother being offended or too worried, they play up stuff to an insane degree, and take refuge in audacity, also I am highly willing to bet the creators of the thing are along the spectrum themselves

pariahs however, are essentially outcasts in hindu or indian caste society I should mention


The Culexus Assassins possess the "Pariah Gene", making them for all intents, soulless, accounting for their having no warp-presence. This gene manifests itself very rarely, in a single individual among a billion, or more. This extreme rarity, coupled with the inevitable losses during training, makes the Culexus assassins the rarest of all Imperial assassins.1 The Culexus temple is known to hunt down and recruit these Pariahs but also to vat-grow them. Due to the nature of being parent-less combines with the pariah gene making them seem soul-less these Culexus struggle with social interaction. Whilst able to mimic predictive human behaviour of a character they are playing as part of a mission, they may not actually feel emotions.

Pariahs, also known as blacksouls, psychic nulls and the soulless, are entities that have no presence in the warp. The most commonly known instances of Pariahs are the Imperium's Culexus Temple assassins and the Sisters of Silence of the Adeptus Astra Telepathica. Pariahs are the antithesis of Chaos as their being does not have any presence in the warp and indeed radiates a sense of unnaturalness and unease that is uncomfortable to living creatures and can be painful or even lethal to psychically sensitive beings such as Eldar or Psykers.

Pariahs are believed to have been created and seeded into the human population by the Necrons as part of their plan to remove all taint of Chaos from the galaxy.

note that necrons are essentially emotionless robots/terminators, go figure

a bit long and seemingly offtopic, but if you can distill the fictional exaggeration into meaningful day to day interaction potential then it's helpful I presume in a general sense, note that very empathic people would be the equivalent of psychics in the WH40k universe, and regular individuals would be, well, standard NT's

it's highly plausible that she's an empath because she is a secretary, and her inability to use her natural talent of "reading other empaths/NT's" is effectively unusable, causing her great distress, she is most likely not used to this because people on the autistic spectrum who are very different are not common, whereas you are more used to this a bit because of the differences, but with empaths they are even more in the direction NT's are compared to you, so I guess all this metaphor is really just useful in a general sense

you<----NT's---->empaths

empaths are good in positions that deal with lots of people with menial day to day activities with lots of distractions, the opposite of what autistic people are good with

Thanks, everyone who posted. I was drawing a blank on what to do (hence why I posted) and I shall try to use this information that you have given to help me with my problem.

Mornings are extremely busy in this school, and doubled with the amount of time I usually wind up staying I usually wind up in overload from the noise/paying attention to the person talking to me during the appointment.



Er, I have things such as this are a problem to me, and times when I'm closer to being "normal" (I'm aware of the hate for this word and am using it for lack of any other term).

Why not do all your homework on loose leaf paper and hand that in thereby effectively avoiding all the copying stuff?

I don't know if you are at college or University, but if you are, you should be using the copier in the library or somewhere else. Our disability resource center has a place for students to copy their homework, but I don't know how it works and I think that's only if someone takes notes for you.

ask if the secretary's seen indiana jones, just explain that sensory overload is a lot like what happens at the end of indiana jones and the crystal skull, except you don't spontaneously combust

also, explain that you keep the original so that only a few sheets need to be photocopied to hand in on pages XYZ


and what is going on with the photocopier stuff, people keep suggesting using the library, am I right in guessing that the facilitation and help photocopying requires easy access for the one aiding you, and this is why the secretary is doing it nearby or inside the office?