Do you think anyone will ever understand you?

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katwithhat
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20 Oct 2012, 5:15 am

Even though I do not suppress all my AS traits and behaviors, I don'y think anyone will ever understand me and accept me for who I am. I find it very frustrating and depressing.


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outofplace
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20 Oct 2012, 5:20 am

In my life, people do accept me for who I am. Do they understand me? For the most part I would say no. However, I have had to come to accept that they never will and that perhaps it's not even all that important that they do. So long as they do not treat me poorly I am content.


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20 Oct 2012, 7:18 am

OP, it is frustrating, but acceptance of who you are is a good first step.

The sad truth is that you are correct, the vast majority of people you encounter will never understand you, nor will they be willing to try to understand. Moreover, they're inability to understand means that they'll only misunderstand you further if you try to explain yourself.

It is amazing how their minds are wired. But I couldn't imagine going through life that way.



Joe90
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20 Oct 2012, 7:23 am

Some people understand me. I am not 100 percent different from everyone else. But there are just some traits I have that people don't seem to understand. My mum understands my phobia of dogs barking, but she doesn't understand my compulsive thoughts and behaviour when it comes to other noises against my sensory issues, like the kettle being on. If I can hear the kettle from my room, I get all agitated and just have to shut the kitchen door, which is no harm to anybody, but if my brother delibrately opens the door just to be annoying, my mum is still on his side and thinks I'm the stupid one who is being unreasonable. I do have earplugs but that's not the only point, I just have this compulsery obsession that the door must be closed when the kettle is on (no I can't afford to move out so shut up before someone throws that stupid cliche at me).

Also my uncle seems to believe that me, as a quiet person, can become a loud person. He talks to me as though I am not helping myself or am just being shy on purpose, and he always says ''it's up to you to change yourself.'' He seems to think I am not trying hard enough, and that by going out to the pub that I'm going to make a lot of friends. Well, I've tried going to the pub to mix around, and I haven't made a single friend. Not my fault. I tried my hardest but I guest my hardest isn't good enough in this f****d up social society.


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20 Oct 2012, 8:22 am

I think you guys are being abit overly unrealistic. Just because the average person don't understand AS, don't mean folk don't get it.

Plenty of folk get it, there just not gonna be in your face about it all the time.



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20 Oct 2012, 8:24 am

There quite a few people who do; but then there are those who like to compare me to criminals; but for the most part, for every bad apple, there's at least four people who are considerate towards me.


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foxfield
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20 Oct 2012, 8:27 am

I know the feeling. I have many unusual traits so I do not think that anyone will ever understand me as a whole.

But when somone understands one of my traits, then that makes me feel understood even if I have nothing else in common with that person.

So my advice is to look for people who understand components of yourself. You will never find someone who understands your whole self.



katwithhat
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20 Oct 2012, 9:56 am

Stoek wrote:
I think you guys are being abit overly unrealistic. Just because the average person don't understand AS, don't mean folk don't get it.

Plenty of folk get it, there just not gonna be in your face about it all the time.


I don't think I am being overly unrealistic. My family gets my needs and wants confused. Example: I am semi-mute in the morning except for a few words to my kids trying to get them out the door for school. Nobody understands that for me, I just have a hard time with noise in the morning. I NEED NEED NEED my routines to be as close to the original as possible. Nobody understand why and honestly I don't even know why. It just throws me into a panic attack or a shut down. I am not really good at the whole'theory of mind' so I don't understand how some of my AS traits even affect them but they do 8O

I think I am actually over realistic on ever finding a mate who will understand and accept me and quite honestly, I find that very depressing. Unless there actually is some sort of "God" and finds a suitable boy/guy/friend for me.


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20 Oct 2012, 10:38 am

To answer the query: No. At least not really - maybe on certain levels. Mostly the goal is to produce something of interest/use (e.g. to publish a paper, create a new way of understanding, etc.) that stands for itself. Do friends/family *really* understand us? Well, perhaps not. But is understanding truly a prerequisite to loving someone?

To further answer: The Lab Pet's true identity is a cloistered secret - I'm not telling 8)


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20 Oct 2012, 12:03 pm

No, I don't think anyone will ever understand me.

Looking back to my life I can't think of anyone who truly understood me. I feel I have been living trapped in my own solitary world. My family (parents and siblings) do love me, but I think that they think I am weird and I sense they feel sorry for me and are worried about me.

I think the fact that AS people's brain wiring is different and that they lack the true spontaneous social ability means that those with AS are not meant be truly understood. So, I am not hopeful that I will ever be understood. Some people might be nice, but they probably still think I am weird and feel sorry for me about that.

But I still sometimes fantasize that someday I meet someone who understands me. It would be so nice, but unlikely to happen.



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20 Oct 2012, 12:22 pm

I hope so. I think getting there with another person might require a lot of time, though. But I'm certain it would be worth the time it takes.



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20 Oct 2012, 12:32 pm

I have yet to find someone who totally gets me, but I think that would be an impossible thing to find. I live in care, so it is important that people understand me. I find the staff generally fall into one of two categories: those who don't get me but are willing to learn about me and those who don't get me and can't be bothered to learn about me so treat me badly as a result. One member of staff who really got me left recently, but I am starting to calm down as several other staff have now joined the first category. I'm not that simple to understand though and I understand that!


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20 Oct 2012, 12:33 pm

katwithhat wrote:
Stoek wrote:
I think you guys are being abit overly unrealistic. Just because the average person don't understand AS, don't mean folk don't get it.

Plenty of folk get it, there just not gonna be in your face about it all the time.


I don't think I am being overly unrealistic. My family gets my needs and wants confused. Example: I am semi-mute in the morning except for a few words to my kids trying to get them out the door for school. Nobody understands that for me, I just have a hard time with noise in the morning. I NEED NEED NEED my routines to be as close to the original as possible. Nobody understand why and honestly I don't even know why. It just throws me into a panic attack or a shut down. I am not really good at the whole'theory of mind' so I don't understand how some of my AS traits even affect them but they do 8O

I think I am actually over realistic on ever finding a mate who will understand and accept me and quite honestly, I find that very depressing. Unless there actually is some sort of "God" and finds a suitable boy/guy/friend for me.


Just because one doesn't get you don't mean they can't understand the difference between nt and AS.

Anyhow I wouldn't want anyone to get me, that removes all your wiggle room for individuality.



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20 Oct 2012, 12:39 pm

I dont think anyone understands me or ever will. I dont ever get treated badly everyone is nice to me but i can tell they think im weird at times and dont understand some of my behaviors. I'm the loner of my family and i can tell my family thinks of me as a little weird and im never the first one they ask to participate in things with them, although thats probably because most of the time im uninterested in what there going to do.

But learning about my condition has helped me more in accepting who i am. I know why im "wierd" or "different" then others now and i know its something i dont have to keep trying to fix. Its just me.



MrWunderbar
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20 Oct 2012, 1:36 pm

If you want people to understand you, find others like you. Go to a comic convention. At cons we are the norm.



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20 Oct 2012, 1:42 pm

My husband understands me and so do my parents. I don't think anyone will ever 100% get me.


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