Inappropriate comments anyone?

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Hi

I was wondering whether any of you Aspies ever said anything inappropriate to someone without realising e.g. you think your female/male friend would look great in certain underwear, would you tell them or realise that such a statement would be improper?

I imagine pretty much all of us pretty much all the time.

My favourite was asking if a friend had bought my birthday present from poundland...He does not contact me much these days, lol.

That's interesting - so you have NO idea when something is maybe offensive either? I just had my AS friend say the strangest thing to me today and I wasn't sure if he realised that what he said would be completely misinterpreted....by anyone! He told the same thing to a colleague and the colleague's response was one of shock!
AS friend replied "I don't think he understood what I was trying to say" - most NT"s wouldn't, honestly.

What is the best way for me to approach the friend, letting him know that what he says could be misconstrued, without hurting his feelings?

For the record I am not officially diagnosed yet but pretty damn sure as I seem textbook Aspie.

It is probably an bit of an oversimplification to say that we have no idea what is offensive. More accurate would be to say that we are often thinking of things from a completely different angle and can sometimes put things across in ways that seem much ruder than intended.

If it was me then I would prefer, at a discrete moment and privately, that you thought that so-and-so might have been offended because it sounded like I meant ....

On the other hand, I sometimes say curt things quite deliberately if I think the situation deserves it just like everyone else. More often it is accidental though.

This particular statement might be flagged by the workplace boss/human resources as sexual harassment:

Or school administration. It seriously might cost an individual their job or a suspension from school.

Anyone who might make this sort of body reference to a classmate or co-worker would benefit from a course in workplace sexual harassment.

I have and nearly got myself belted up. I said to a man that was my now ex-friends nextdoor neighbour that he was evil and mean he had tattoos all over him and he was pretty ruff and he had, had a hard life. I am very open and honest and I do have a habit of just being upfront without knowing its inappropriate.

That seems OTT to me. What about people who are actually getting molested and raped at school?

I was pushed into a work training course in which I had no interest.
On arrival, the trainer bounced up to me and asked me whether I'd like tea or coffee. 'Tea', I said, 'I find coffee keeps me awake'!
I had to be very nice to her for the rest of the day......

I remember making a few comments to other people that made my parents want to sink through the floor with utter humiliation and didn't even know I had until it was either too late or my mother lectured me for a good 40 minutes sometime afterwards. And that was when I was a teenager and just having your parents around was supposed to be worse than death unless you wanted money, food, a ride somewhere, or maybe their advice(?) I remember my mother once telling me I was now 15 and I had said things that would have been more acceptable if they came out of my mouth when I was a little kid but now I was supposed to know better. That was after I had an interview with a man from a local paper after getting some of my cartoons printed in it. I mentioned that in my spare time I looked after the house by cleaning and stuff while my parents both went to work all day, which of course sounded like my parents were treating me like Cinderella and giving me "adult responsibilities". I honestly thought that what I said was a good thing and didn't notice my dad taking a deep breath because he probably wanted to strangle me on the spot. I learned about that part from mom later because she was on the phone telling a relative all about it as if I'm not even there hearing her, and now it was my turn to be humiliated.

Last edited by lostonearth35 on 22 Oct 2012, 1:26 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Yes, yes, and yes! many times.......

Yep. I don't know when I do it though. The one I will never forget is opening up our wedding present and saying "They may be cheap but at least they weren't cheap enough to not get us a wedding present." And where did I get that talk from? My parents, mostly my dad.

Now I know why my mom asked me there "And who taught you to say that, Beth?" She was asking me that to save my arse so everyone would know where I got it from and my dad was denying it and I didn't know why then.


I had no idea cheap was an insult and I found out I had been getting insulted all this time whenever I be called that. I think another reason why aspies say something inappropriate is because they hear others say it too and to their faces and they don't pick up on it's not something you should say to people and those people are just being a jerk.


I remember another one I had said that might be inappropriate but I am not sure but when my grandfather died, I started saying "It was a fortunate he died because I got to see my brother graduate." But then I realized right after "Wait, that doesn't sound right." But mom knew what I was trying to say so she corrected me about what to say instead. Sometimes I am aware of that fault when it happens.

I have laughed at really inappropriate moments. That was so awful. He said "that's not funny". I was then advised by someone else (who has nothing to do with the situation and could only advise on what I said happened) that I should apologise.

He has done worse to me. He said something that wasn't that nice. After realising what he really meant, I said that "you've upset me". He said "I know what I said to you. But that's sometimes how it feels". I was hoping for an apology...

Thanks for the responses. When do you realise that what you've said was inappropriate? Do you gage the reactions of people around you or do you think about what you've said immediately after?

For me, it isn't so much that I make inappropriate comments; it is apparently my tone when I say it. The actual words themselves aren't inappropriate, but I make it sound rude and hateful (so I'm told). I, usually, realize it is inappropriate around the time my husband punches me (not hard) in the thigh or if he brings it up later. If he did not tell me, in most instances I would not have a clue.

I think this is the one source of entertainment for those around me.

I make inappropriate comments a lot. When my Nana came out to visit once, I introduced my brother-in-law as the "guy who knocked [my sister] up". Since my Nana has a crude sense of humor I thought she would laugh, but instead she just got offended. Another time when I was a child, my brother had a goose egg/knot on his head from hitting it on something and when my mom asked me to look at it, I remarked that it was "gruesome". She got mad and said that I shouldn't talk about my brother that way.