Self-criticism, worry about not meeting positive criteria

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How does one know when one is being overly self-critical?

Do you ever worry about perceived failure to meet positive ASD criteria? eg: "I'm supposed to be detail-oriented, how could I possibly make that mistake?" or "I'm supposed to have obsessive interests and use them to develop skills others don't have, but I don't think I'm really that good at anything".

I know I'm self-critical all the time. Other people have even said I am, and although I've been told I have a lot of positives about me, I still tend to see the negative side to everything about me, and I have the ''the grass is always greener on the other side'' attitude, which I can't seem to know how to snap out of.

I think of things like,

''my special interests just invites more stress into my life, how can it make me feel happy in the long run?'' or, ''I have let my special interests be the most important thing in my whole life, I put it before my responsibilities like getting a job''.

''I could not let things bother me but I do and that's that. I can't seem to stick to a way to make them not bother me''.

''who cares what my cousins are doing?'', but when I try to tell myself that, bad thoughts begin creeping in, like, ''oh but hearing they've all got jobs and boy/girlfriends is just making me feel like a loser''.

How can I not criticise myself?

Also I tend to view myself through other people's eyes.

I am self-critical also. I think it drives my interests, to get things the way I think it should be, perfectionism. Producing music for example, after 18 months of work, I am still not happy with the track, so I go back in, it sounds good for a while, then my ears deconstruct things, and soon I am thinking of what could be better.

I am know I am the harshest judge of myself. Even when I have actually received praise for the work I have done, I am slightly embarrassed to accept it when I know what was wrong with it in the first place.
I used to compare myself with people a lot and think I am never good enough. I have reduced it a lot..but i still do it sometimes by scaling it up/down to my level when compared to others.

My mother used to make me say three positive things about myself and I never meant it. I just did it to get it over with. I often view myself as stupid or a jerk. Then I remind myself that everyone is stupid. I also hate it when my emotions get in the way and I also remind myself that everyone has their emotions get in the way, we're all human, not robots. I also feel weak and stupid when it happens so I remind myself that.

I find that as I get older, I get less and less self-critical. It's slowly improving. I'm starting to love myself.